How did you know?

[Louie26]

Exactly that:

How did you know your Marriage was over?

And how do you feel now you've separated?

Christmas dinner, and his only conversation was that he was going to try growing Brussels sprouts next year!

There’d been a long lead up, we’d tried counselling, he wasn’t a bad man, just not for me. I didn’t enjoy his company, there was no passion between us.

I couldn’t see us growing old together.

I was the bad guy for leaving, everyone sided with him, I lost most of my friends - family were always distant (which is why I ended up with him in the first place). It changed me, I had to get tough and just focus on the practicalities and moving on.

An old aunt did tell me I was brave to do what I did, but I think I wasn’t brave enough not to do it. Many would have soldiered on in my not terrible situation, with maybe a few short lived affairs to break the monotony.

I’m happy now, although still being judged for what I did so I’ve had to stay tough.

Only you can make your decision OP, I wish you the very best whatever you decide.

The straw that broke the camels back was when he told me I was selfish, self obsessed and self absorbed, when I dared to be upset because I was in absolute agony with a back/disc/nerve problem and I probably wouldn't enjoy our family holiday because I was on crutches and in so much pain.

He was completely unable to give me any sympathy or comfort and hated it when there was anything wrong with me.

Anyone else?

I realised he was cheating. That was the final straw. I had put up with so much shit for so many years (more the fool me!), but that was the final straw - it just totally killed everything stone dead. I felt nothing but relief I had finally had the nerve/guts/balls to do it (married 25 years - again, more the fool me..) I am happy now so wish I had done it earlier

He refused to hold my hand when I reached for it out in public. Reacted like I had some terrible disease

Within 3 months he'd left.

I actually feel some relief now that it's over.
I would have stayed together for our young childrens sake - putting the a desire to keep our family together over my own happiness. STBEXH on the other hand prioritised his own happiness above all of ours. C

I am really happy now.

There were many moments but I didn't want to grow old with him - that was the deciding factor for me.

We got on well but just couldn't see a future with him. Tried counselling, talked everything through; we were stuck.

It turned out that he was having an affair, although I didn't know that at the time.

The minute I asked for a divorce I felt my shoulders lift, I just hadn't realised how unhappy I was.

No bitterness between us at all; we both moved on with no regrets. He's now happily married to the OW, I'm married to my second DH and have two beautiful children. My second marriage feels so utterly different to my first.

We retired and I wanted us to start sharing the cooking. He started clearing up after dinner and loading and unloading the dishwasher instead, a job he’s only occasionally done before.

Because he didn’t cook or prepare much food he didn’t know where things went. Plus he’d leave a pot, say of stew on the hob after saying he’d done the kitchen.

I didn’t mind that he put things away wrong or left things out. It was the fact I felt I couldn’t tell him. He always reacted very badly if I needed to tell him he’s forgotten something or left something half done, however trivial it was.

Cooking became ‘hunt the cooking utensil” game every night, but I was still too hesitant to tell him. Then I realised I was actually scared of his reaction.

Needless to say asking for a divorce certainly didn’t get a good reaction. He is still bullying me and says I shouldn’t be using a solicitor as I’m making it too adversarial and costly. He isn’t using a solicitor. I truly think he thinks he can bully me into accepting his latest offer.

He can’t, and for the first time in years and years he isn’t going to get it all his own way.

When my DS asked me what I was going to do, after one of DH’s outbursts. When I said I was thinking of leaving you’d have thought my DS had won the lottery!

Been separated 18 months. Absolutely hate it. Wish I’d not left. It was easier living at home. I’ve left a lovely house, my beautiful dog, very comfortable lifestyle- nice holidays etc.
H’s friends look at me like I have 2 heads as he’s made them all feel sorry for him as he’s told awful lies about me.
I’m spending £1000s on a divorce which he will fight to the bitter end as he’s not happy with 50:50.
I feel there’s still a stigma to divorce due to the reaction of friends and colleagues and realise I’m going to have to work to the bitter end to keep me going through any retirement I have.
I’m usually a very positive person. Sorry but I wouldn’t go down the same path again. It would have been far easier to stay.
My DS who seemed so happy with the idea initially isn’t all that happy now either.

My wife cheated multiple times. It was the third time I found out and didn't care that I realised it was over. However, as the higher earner I (rightly) realised that the law would be stacked against me in a divorce so I tried to soldier on. It took another discovery to actually stop being a doormat and do something about it. She got most of the assets and wasted a fair bit of money trying to extract spousal maintenance out of me too but luckily there's been a clean break now.

Last NYE as the fireworks burst into the air I made a wish. That wish to make sure I never celebrated NYE with that lying unfaithful selfish barstool ever again. This summer after far too many nasty threats I packed the car up with an air tent as many clothes as I could pack and me and the kids left for our adventure. We are still on that adventure, we never went back. It's been quite tough and there been some silent tears from me but you know what.. I wouldn't change a dam thing. Keep the fucking house, the garden full of mole holes and the shitty hot tub and fancy cars. Me and my kids have never been happier. This NYE is going to very special.