Please help I'm losing sleep and constantly worried 😟

[beetlehope]

Please help. I almost want you to lie to me as I think the truth is going to cause me more 😧
Separated 3 years. He had depression so often off sick, I worked to further career and had a child whilst managed renovation and most of the family chores and finances.
He gaslight me refused to speak or look at me for over a year leading me to seek help from women's aid.
Dragged to court to settle child - cost fortune - court barely changed what I had given.
3 years on he wants half of everything.
I have stayed in family home and he only really paid half after leaving.
A free solicitor today told me I will likely lose my home as I'm over provided for with 3 bedrooms.
That mesher orders are rare and likely will be forced to sell
I'm devastated. I feel like my life has been for nothing I've worked so hard to stay here and make this a home for my child. I have had an awful few years losing family and being alone for much of covid. I lost my job and was unemployed for some time. Then bam menopause...
I feel stuck.
Without the means to buy him out - half could be 120k (london) I feel like goign home to my parents and admitting defeat but I can't even do that as we have a shared care order.
Anyone have a mesher order and can anyone tell me life will ever feel better?

Apologies OP, I realise your ex took you to court over child arrangements needlessly, so ignore my question about this

How far does your mum travel (in terms of miles) to come and do childcare? Unless it's hundreds of miles, I can't see them objecting to you moving to be nearer if you lose your home...I know that this may mean going back to court.

Its a rubbish and very stressful situation. You have been through the courts already so you know what a crap system it is. Honestly it is worse in terms of predictable outcomes and far more expensive for financial orders.

Personally I wouldn't (and didn't) go for a mescher...it seems good on the surface, but it ties you to someone that no longer has your best interest at heart. Any repairs/updates they probably won't have to help with financially, and yet they still get a % at the end, so where is the incentive to do anything.

You haven't mentioned what kind of split financially you think should happen? I would see what the solicitor says, but perhaps you could agree to give between 40-50% if there is no objection to you moving nearer to your mum for support now you will have to move anyway? I know it's not ideal that you would have to leave your home, but you may find being able to move on and get more support is worth it longterm. Good luck x

Thank you for the last few posts who have been sympathetic.
Mum lives 120 miles away. She has helped since I had to go back to work at about 7 months as I was worried ex would go off sick and I wouldn't be able to pay bills . I offered him the rest of my matt leave but he didnt take it - super dad that he is.
He hasn't said he would force sale but as he wants his cash and it seems mescher unlikely I have said what does he think will happen!
Apparently court would force sale?

Thank you to the person who said illustrate the scenarios that was my thoughts too.

If this was a man whose wife had given up work to have kids i would understand but I feel I've both compromised my career and earning potential and lost out on Motherhood and time.
It isn't right.

When I said i would be forced to move and I'd wany to maybe go home he said he knew mates whose kids has 2 schools ! I mean how would that work if we were 120 plus miles apart- surely not in child's interest?

He was controlling me all the time and damaged my self esteem and now I'm still controlled he now calls me the gaslighter and its definitely not the case.

Need lotto win to find about 100k :(

Ultimately a court could ( and do) force sales. Whether they would or not in your case no one here can answer unfortunately

he could also get a prohibited steps order preventing you from moving your child away

a court won’t award you more to enable your mum to stay either

that’s the reality .
personally I would be wanting to avoid a mesher with this man …