Sorry if this is long. I'm actually keeping alot of info out so it doesn't go on for ages because the backstory goes on forever when writing about it all. But I will answer any questions if it's relevant.
My ex husband is a narcissist. It's frightening how unhinged he is. We share a 3 and a half year old child.
I left him January 2021. Due to loads of reasons of his doing, we are now only negotiating finances through my solicitor which has cost me thousands as he has refused to get one.
I was going to issue court proceedings in April 2022 but then I was hit with a crap circumstance.
My landlord is selling the property me and my child moved into march 2021, after fleeing our family home and moving to my parents for 3 months.
It is our home. Its our safe place. Renting in this area has become impossible and I can't get anywhere else.
My landlord had offered to sell me the property at a discount (which reflects the extra that I would get out of my divorce settlement if I was to take my ex to court over the finances). My ex is refusing to budge on what he will settle on. He refuses to disclose assets and from what i know he has, he looks to walk away with double in cash value then he has offered me.
So in order to not have to move back to my parents and disturb my childs life again, I chose to try and buy our home from my landlord with a family members help.
I only work part time and pay the nursery fees myself. Child doesn't start school till September 2023.
However, he argues everything with my solicitor, refuses to get independent legal advice and after I've paid to have the whole consent order drawn up, he is arguing again. My solicitor has openly admitted she rarely has to deal with people of his nature. He is that bad.
But now, because of how long this is all taking, the interest rates are rising to the point that I will struggle to afford the mortgage. We haven't locked into a mortgage deal yet because I can't do anything formal until the clean break order is issued and the money is released.
I will be walking away with just enough to put down as the deposit. I will have nothing left for a rainy day. I can't work more hours as I have my son and it wouldnt be worth it with the nursery fees. I'm self employed also so it isn't as easy as me just picking up overtime. I have to build my clientele.
And now because there looks to be a crash in the market, the original discount my landlord has offered me will no longer be a discount. The value of the property looks to drop to that anyway.
My ex is walking away with enough cash to put down as a deposit on a house with his and his girlfriends full time incomes. He walks away with a £15,000 car he bought with the £9000 he had in his account when I left him. He is living at his parents currently paying minimal rent. He's had a hair transplant and has just got back from a nice holiday abroad. He has all of his pensions. No child care responsibilities. He drops our child when it suits him to go do the things he wants to do.
The amount of things that have taken place whilst all of this has been going on has just about broken me.
I'd decided that even if the worst case scenario was to happen (I settle on what he's offered me which I then can't go back on, I can't buy my flat due to the current climate and I end up back living with my parents) atleast I can say I fought to keep that roof over our heads.
I do not want to be married to this arsehole any longer or have any financial ties and the idea of now issuing court proceedings and voluntarily giving up the chance of buying our home feels me with dread. Court is going to take another 12-18 months.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place.
I know asking strangers on the Internet seems weird but just any comments of advice or you're own journey's would be welcome.
Thankyou for reading.