Hi all,
I was hoping someone could offer advice having not been in this situation before.
Me and my now ex partner have been seperated for some months, it’s becoming increasingly hard to communicate and agree fairly with him, despite many attempts he is a very difficult person, and now very bitter.
We have 2 young boys, one 4 and one 9 months. I’m having problems arranging fair arrangements for us both to have the children whilst keeping what’s best for the children in mind too. They both live with me.
We at first settled with every other weekend and my 4yo going on a Tuesday and Thursday evening, the baby staying with me.
My 4yo has since started school and it’s becoming apparent I think the backwards and forewords is unsettling him. He goes to his dads 4pm on those days for dinner and then is back to me around 7am ish for a quick breakfast and get ready for school. Personally, this is a huge rush in the mornings and I barely get to see him, I don’t think this is fair on either of us but his dad doesn’t see this from his point of view and also won’t take the time to take nor collect him from school. I feel like my little boy doesn’t know weather he is coming or going 😢
I have also since gone back to work and my work is mostly evenings (self employed) I have to work on those Tuesdays and Thursdays to fit in when the children can be with their dad, my youngest 9mo has stayed with his dad on those week nights too recently, but this has already failed and tonight I received a call at 2am from my ex to say to go and collect the baby as he’s awake and won’t go back to sleep, keeping my 4yo awake. Of course I will always be there for my children and they can always come back home to me, but this isn’t practical and can’t happen whenever their dad can’t handle the situation. Also, to add, their dad doesn’t have his own place and it doesn’t look like he will for a while, him and my children are staying at his sisters in a little bedroom. This also doesn’t fill me with ease when they stay there.
Although I do need to work, especially as their dad does not pay his child maintenance and hasn’t contributed a penny, my children come first and if I can’t work on those evenings then I won’t and would rather my children be with me at home so they can have a more structured routine, especially my eldest now being at school and noticeably seeming out of sorts.
But where do I stand with all of this? I’ve tried to speak amicably with my ex, it’s like getting blood from a stone. He won’t consider mediation either, I tried this already. I feel the only step is going to the courts. Does anyone know where I will stand with setting up arrangements for the children to just go to their dad every other weekend? Seeing as the weekdays isn’t working.
I feel like my children don’t have a routine, back and fourth and I’m worried this will effect them 😢