Hi, hoping some of you ladies can offer me advice and how to deal with the emotions of separation.
I’ve been with my husband 19 years Married 12, we have 3 DC 18,11 & 20 months. The past year has been an emotional roller coaster with the continual threat of separation/divorce, I believe we both Love each other but our relationship is Toxic. Happy one minute then screaming the. My husband is a very opinionated man, addicted to Twitter and getting his strong opinions out on every topics. If he put the same effort into us marriage maybe we wouldn’t be here.
he works away always has and this pattern has worked for us but the past year it feels like he is living a separate life whilst away, out most nights, a lot more alcohol involved, spending a fortune, lesser contact with home life. All of this has led me to be very resentful.
anyway we have agreed to separate but I know we both feel stuck…how do we navagite out this? We own our home…I couldn’t afford to stay here alone and I’m not overfussed about staying in this house but my kids are so settled in the area. I’d need my equity out the house which would be enough for a deposit on another place but unsure if I’d get a mortgage working part time, I have been with the same employer for 20 years so it is reliable income (I earn £14500 for 20 hours a week). My husband doesn’t want to sell and probably could buy me out in a year or 2 but what do I do in the meantime? If I stay in the marital home can I claim benefits? Like I said he works away approx 7 months of the year sometimes more? He doesn’t have family to stay with whilst he is home which is why we have went back and forth on the separation all year. He could rent but I feel so guilty, this is his home too but our current arrangement isn’t working, I don’t want to rely on his for financial support but he will oar me a decent amount of maintenance. I am Ill with the constant back and forth, ups and downs of our relationship I cry most days and everyday is a struggle. We are both good parents and love our children, our eldest understands the situation and I know he would prefer us to split. My middle child is a gem but I worry how she feels she hears the heated conversations. Our youngest is the happiest wee soul ever and uneffected by all this.
our relationship has always had its up and downs but we have been happy and have so many wonderful memories. Before there memories would have made me fight for this…but now the are just memories and I know it’s the end for us.
sorry for the rant just looking for some advice on how to navigate this snd some friendly words. ❤️