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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Buying partner out

60 replies

nextweekfriday · 14/10/2022 20:20

Hi just after some advice or tips from others that have done this.

My partner and I have a house mortgage 475k, equity 90. I can afford to pay half of the equity and my family at going to help me to buy my partners share so I can take the property on on my own. My question is if my partner refuses to let me buy him out is there anything I can do legally? I'm keen not to disrupt my daughters life and was thinking staying in the house would be minimal disruption for her. There will be a mortgage penalty presume as we're in a fixed deal til Xmas 2023...which I'm not sure how that would be covered taken from a share of our equity. We have 30k of his personal debt on the mortgage.

Would appreciate any thoughts?

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 16:57

@nextweekfriday we didn't have that problem because I paid for everything. I told him to leave and take anything he owned which was basically the clothes on his back and I even paid for them!

Could you ask him for a list of what he would like?

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 17:01

I've offered that he takes the entire contents of the house. He's a stickler for detail and wants everything split - so at the moment even if I was to offer him 75k or if were to sell and he gets 75k he'd still think it was unfair for me to not then incur buying costs like he'll have too. The fact I want to keep our daughter in a stable home isn't carrying any currency it's much more about what he'll have when he moves to buy somewhere else...

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 17:26

@nextweekfriday you are being more than reasonable and at this point he'd be laughed out of court and any solid worth their salt would be telling him to not bother going to court.

At this point I think you are best to instruct a mediator. It's a process that has to happen before court anyway. Show him you won't be bullied (I totally understand it's intimidating and stressful).

Send him an email stating that you are offering 50% of the equity based on the average of three local estate agents.

You are also offering 50% of the contents, list all the contents on a spreadsheet.

Send it over and tell him if he fails to negotiate with you then you will instruct a mediator by Friday next week. After that deadline, do not engage with any further conversations.

It's very easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of everything but it's a control tactic. Take back control. Clip his wings. If he's money orientated he won't appreciate the costs of mediation let alone a court case! I promise he is trying to intimidate you

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 17:31

Gosh that's super helpful thank you. I'll get together a list of contents in a spreadsheet. What I am offering him tho is 50% of the equity when we bought a year ago (before refurb) not based on a current valuation (I'm gathering them this week and really hope they don't come in high!)....really good pointers re way forward as a mediator would be really helpful.

OP posts:
Soopermum1 · 04/01/2023 21:40

If it goes to court and you have to fill in the E form, the selling fees for selling the FMH will be removed from the pot. From my recollection it's counted at about 3%. You can still include this in the calculations even if you don't sell in the end.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 21/04/2023 03:10

cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 17:26

@nextweekfriday you are being more than reasonable and at this point he'd be laughed out of court and any solid worth their salt would be telling him to not bother going to court.

At this point I think you are best to instruct a mediator. It's a process that has to happen before court anyway. Show him you won't be bullied (I totally understand it's intimidating and stressful).

Send him an email stating that you are offering 50% of the equity based on the average of three local estate agents.

You are also offering 50% of the contents, list all the contents on a spreadsheet.

Send it over and tell him if he fails to negotiate with you then you will instruct a mediator by Friday next week. After that deadline, do not engage with any further conversations.

It's very easy to get bogged down in the minutiae of everything but it's a control tactic. Take back control. Clip his wings. If he's money orientated he won't appreciate the costs of mediation let alone a court case! I promise he is trying to intimidate you

Hey there
I just wanted to give an update as you've been kind to help advise me on different points! I have finally done it and bought my partner out and the transfer of mortgage property went threw last week. I've not been able to celebrate yet tho as my ex partner wa re to continue living with me until he can move in with his brother who is renovating a house. Am agreeing to three months max and that he does a number of diy jobs and contributes to half the bills. In reality I'd like him gone asap as I'm finding harder and harder...I've not taken annual leave for a long time as I dread being stuck in his company for days in the trot...one final hurdle and then I'll be free

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 21/04/2023 12:16

@nextweekfriday well done! I'm so very pleased for you! How much did you settle in the end if it's ok to ask?

I think your brave having him live there for 3 months! I could not have stomached that!

I found that the relief and celebration never really hit me.

Occasionally, I look around and I feel immense pride at what I achieved and fought for, for my children. It was the fight of my life but I'm proud I did it.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 21/04/2023 14:13

I settled for far more than I anticipated but we were in a stale mate so felt I had no choice and the longer we lived together the harder it got. 80k I got the house revalued and he took the average of the 3 estimates and we agreed in this. I also had to plug a mortgage shortfall of 30k I've borrowed from my brother and mother and am so glad they helped. Tbh I can hardly stomach him being around for another 3 months I'm hardly sleeping but he makes a huge fuss when I try and insist on him going. I know what you mean about not feeling celebratory I've had fleeting feelings of relief...but as he's not left yet I'm desperate to try and build a new life.

OP posts:
Original poster
nextweekfriday · 21/04/2023 14:48

Are you sharing access to your children with your your ex now? I'm glad you feel proud of yourself at times and I completely understand what you mean re fight of your life!

OP posts:
Potentialscroogeincognito · 23/04/2023 20:56

Sounds like you’ve had such a journey OP, well done for getting this far.

I would think that you now own the house, your not married so surely he leaves immediately?

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