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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Buying partner out

60 replies

nextweekfriday · 14/10/2022 20:20

Hi just after some advice or tips from others that have done this.

My partner and I have a house mortgage 475k, equity 90. I can afford to pay half of the equity and my family at going to help me to buy my partners share so I can take the property on on my own. My question is if my partner refuses to let me buy him out is there anything I can do legally? I'm keen not to disrupt my daughters life and was thinking staying in the house would be minimal disruption for her. There will be a mortgage penalty presume as we're in a fixed deal til Xmas 2023...which I'm not sure how that would be covered taken from a share of our equity. We have 30k of his personal debt on the mortgage.

Would appreciate any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
nextweekfriday · 15/10/2022 19:14

@cleanbreak2022 I'm so glad everything has worked out for you in the end though it must be such a massive relief. Sounds like you should be really proud of yourself too for getting through it all...

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 15/10/2022 19:16

I’ve already stated that if op can raise the money to buy him out and tahe over the full mortgage as single applicant she wouldn’t be forced to sell

but equally if that’s not possible ( at fair market value) then he could likely force a sale so don’t assume that couldn’t happen. It could

cleanbreak2022 · 15/10/2022 19:19

@nextweekfriday honestly, I thought the relief would come, but it never did. I have security, in that I secured my childrens home, their safe place. But that came at a great cost. I would do it again in a heartbeat, but now all of the legalities are complete, I need to deal with the emotional fall out.

You don't mention why you and your ex have split, but whatever the reasons, once you get off this particular hamster wheel, there will be another waiting for you.

Good luck, don't be scared. Be calm, be focused, don't react to anything. You can do this

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 15/10/2022 19:29

@cleanbreak2022 that's an interesting point you make...I have wondered will I be swapping one set of issues for another - I'm concerned how my daughter will adjust. My partner has perfectionism and ocd particularly related to cleaning and he was also obsessive about money - everything has to be done in a particular way in the house. It is utterly joyless living with someone like that. How about you and your ex partner?

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 15/10/2022 19:51

@nextweekfriday I've pm'd you

cleanbreak2022 · 23/10/2022 10:48

@nextweekfriday just thought I'd check in and see how it was going?

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 23/10/2022 10:54

@cleanbreak2022 bless you that's kind. I've been squaring up my arrangements with my family. My brother isn't going to sell his flat now because of capital gains tax...so instead he's prepared to come into the mortgage with me either as a joint or garantour mortgage. We may not quite have enough joint income to take it on but I'm still investigating. The only other thing I need to sort is my job, for the first time in my career last year I took on a temporary job which I'm hoping will be made permanent fairly soon. As soon as it does I can go full steam ahead with arrangements. How have you been getting on?

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 23/10/2022 10:58

Understood, it can be very messy. I'm sure you've considered it, but if your brother buys an interest in the property, make sure you draw up a 'deed of trust'. It will clearly outline his share and agreements if one of you wants to sell your share. I know he's your brother, but this is business.

Can you request a meeting at work? Perhaps if it's going to be made permanent at some point they would also welcome the security of securing your skills (don't forget it works both ways, they have a job they need doing and you have the skills).

We're ok, muddling through. My ex now wants contact with the children but it's almost 5 months since he last saw them. My youngest turned 2 in that time and no longer knows him.

cleanbreak2022 · 23/10/2022 11:00

Ps. You can always propose a staggered pay out to your ex if your struggling to raise funds.

So offer your ex some now then when you remortgage in 5yrs, he may ask for an increased amount considering inflation etc. in the great big scheme of things, his share is not huge, it's the mortgage you will have an issue with. Secure that, then negotiate with him.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 23/10/2022 11:09

Thanks for your advice. I had a meeting last week with my boss and ended up crying (very unlike me). I'm hoping that he'll act swiftly re my contract but in the meant time I'm looking for other roles.

My partner is extremely tight re money. That's my concern. I just don't think he would agree to anything that doesn't involve giving him his share straight away. Also I think he is so money motivated that he'll want as much as he can get.

It must be hard for you re your two year old and trying to reconnect with their father. But overall it must a good thing that he wants to see them again?

OP posts:
TootMootZoot · 23/10/2022 11:17

If your main reason for not wanting to sell the house are because you are worried about disrupting your daughter then I'd wonder if that's worth a rethink. At her age I wouldn't assume that moving house would cause any issues. If staying in the house is going to be really difficult might it be less stressful and less complicated to move somewhere more manageable. Depending on your area I understand that this might not be feasible.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 23/10/2022 11:19

Well we have moved house less than a year ago so I'm just wanting to stay in the school catchment area where we are....if I can. But it doesn't work then yes I'll have to move. I just want to at least have tried to stay put

OP posts:
Original poster
nextweekfriday · 13/11/2022 09:38

cleanbreak2022 · 23/10/2022 11:00

Ps. You can always propose a staggered pay out to your ex if your struggling to raise funds.

So offer your ex some now then when you remortgage in 5yrs, he may ask for an increased amount considering inflation etc. in the great big scheme of things, his share is not huge, it's the mortgage you will have an issue with. Secure that, then negotiate with him.

Hi there
I just have a quick question to ask - you mentioned you renegotiated with work and it sounds like you had to wait three months to get your payslips to reflect your uplift in your salary? Is that correct so you could pass the affordability with your lender? The reason I ask is that my job contract is in the process of being renegotiated to permanent and also being regraded. I may be able to pass affordability as is but wondered if I did want to use my salary uplift do lenders usually need to see 3 months payslips or would a copy of the contract be enough to show salary increase?

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 14/11/2022 19:17

@nextweekfriday hey OP. How’s it going?

I had to provide both, my contract, with my new package and 3 months supporting wage slips.

I was scrutinised though, my advisor said he hadn’t seen anything like it and this was in May/June.

I hope it’s all going well?

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 14/11/2022 21:21

Thanks so much for your reply so just to clarify this was for a job you were already in? I'm wondering if the extra scrutiny was because you were deemed to be a single parent? My cousin has explained that she is expecting more scrutiny because of this and her mortgage broker has advised her...

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 14/11/2022 21:41

Yes, I’ve been in my job 20yrs, same employer different roles.
it’s possible as a single parent or it could be single applicant.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 14/11/2022 21:48

Gosh that is alot of scrutiny then particularly as you were with your employer for a long period of time. Do you mind me asking which lender out of interest?

OP posts:
Original poster
nextweekfriday · 10/12/2022 07:28

Just a little update on my situation I have requested space from my partner and we've each taken a bit of time apart and last night I explained I wanted to part company and buy him out. He immediately tried to play the card that he could buy me out and that he'd put a lot of work into the house and was reluctant to start from scratch elsewhere.
He also wants to continue living together for 6 months til the mortgage rates get better. (I have already got a mortgage in principle for me and my brother to take over the mortgage).

What I thought was interesting was when I mentioned his parents divorce and the fact his mum stayed in their family home he said the rights when you're married are different. So he's obviously savy to the fact we're not married and wants to use that to his advantage.

I haven't talked about schedule 1 of the children's act yet but I really want to try and make it clear that if he didn't support me buying him out (I'd be offering 50% of the equity) out the law is likely to fall in my favour. Im now going to use that as a point to further negotiate. I might do a new post to find out

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 10/12/2022 09:54

Well done. In your position, I would try to move this forward. Your AIP will expire in 6 months (possibly 3) and who knows what the rates and affordability will be. I'm hearing horror stories on the stress testing lenders are putting people through.
He clearly has researched it and is giving you a hint of his tactic and passively aggressively letting you know his position.
Keep your calm and nerve, this is business remember. Offering 50% is the most that would be agreed in court. So go with that. He can research that and realise it's a good strong offer

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 13:07

cleanbreak2022 · 10/12/2022 09:54

Well done. In your position, I would try to move this forward. Your AIP will expire in 6 months (possibly 3) and who knows what the rates and affordability will be. I'm hearing horror stories on the stress testing lenders are putting people through.
He clearly has researched it and is giving you a hint of his tactic and passively aggressively letting you know his position.
Keep your calm and nerve, this is business remember. Offering 50% is the most that would be agreed in court. So go with that. He can research that and realise it's a good strong offer

Hi Cleanbreak, how are you and how's your Christmas been? HNY!
I've had a recent turn of events with my partner re me buying him out he wants an additional 25k to cover the rise in value in the house & the money he put into refurb. I was thinking of suggesting that I pay him that when I'm able to remortgage in 5yrs time. Did you do something similar?

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 14:22

@nextweekfriday I'm good thanks, how was yours?

No, we didn't, he requested more money, and I did agree to it to be paid at a later date, but he wanted me to pay the legal fees in having that contracted which I refused to do (I paid all legal fees to that point). So he went without.

One thing I would suggest is before agreeing this additional £25k is revisiting the value of the property.

From memory, there's £90k equity, so his 50% was £45k? Is he now asking for £70k?

From my view, he doesn't get to claim the refurbishment costs and increase in value. The increase in value could be argued is due to the refurbishment. Has the property increased in value? Have you had it valued?

As above, my ex did this to me at the last point as we were about to complete and I stood firm.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 14:35

cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 14:22

@nextweekfriday I'm good thanks, how was yours?

No, we didn't, he requested more money, and I did agree to it to be paid at a later date, but he wanted me to pay the legal fees in having that contracted which I refused to do (I paid all legal fees to that point). So he went without.

One thing I would suggest is before agreeing this additional £25k is revisiting the value of the property.

From memory, there's £90k equity, so his 50% was £45k? Is he now asking for £70k?

From my view, he doesn't get to claim the refurbishment costs and increase in value. The increase in value could be argued is due to the refurbishment. Has the property increased in value? Have you had it valued?

As above, my ex did this to me at the last point as we were about to complete and I stood firm.

Yes some parts were fun other parts challenging!
I have a valuation booked for Thurs. I'm offering him 50% of equity which is 50k. I have absorbed 30k of his personal debt at various points on the mortgage. I have a valuation booked for Thurs.

He is saying by him moving he'll incur extra costs, furniture, stamp etc. he wants that additional 25k to cover the refurbs costs and rise in value of the property. He won't agree to 50k so we either sell or I try and get him to agree to me paying the 25k 5yrs down the line, or I try and borrow from relatives to pay him. He's extremely money motivated and wants to get as good a place as get can when he moves.

OP posts:
cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 15:12

@nextweekfriday ok, my thinking (from outside is) his costs are his.
If the house were to sell, all fees would be coming out of the same pot. Including legal fees, so the £50k available to him now, might be £25k once all expenses are taken out.

It's not your responsibility to pay his fees, that's his share, end of. He gets 50% of the equity based on the average of three valuations. End of. My guess is that's what a judge would order.

Hold your nerve here and let him see a solicitor, maybe see one yourself. Don't over complicate it, 50% that's it. Unless you decide to give more (it's entirely your money and your life) then that's ok. I would not be entertaining any of this.

Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 15:23

cleanbreak2022 · 03/01/2023 15:12

@nextweekfriday ok, my thinking (from outside is) his costs are his.
If the house were to sell, all fees would be coming out of the same pot. Including legal fees, so the £50k available to him now, might be £25k once all expenses are taken out.

It's not your responsibility to pay his fees, that's his share, end of. He gets 50% of the equity based on the average of three valuations. End of. My guess is that's what a judge would order.

Hold your nerve here and let him see a solicitor, maybe see one yourself. Don't over complicate it, 50% that's it. Unless you decide to give more (it's entirely your money and your life) then that's ok. I would not be entertaining any of this.

Thanks that's really helpful. I need to get it valued fairly promptly.

OP posts:
Original poster
nextweekfriday · 03/01/2023 16:46

Can I ask did you ex partner also ask for you to reimburse half the cost for the contents of the house? My partner wants it to be absolutely equal between us so if he has to incur costs to buy and I don't because I stay in the house then he determines that as unfair and wants reimbursement for it...did you're solicitor give advice as to how things should be divided fairly? beyond the value of the house?

OP posts:
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