Separation

[John90]

Hi guys.

Married 4 years, own house on a 50/50 basis with my partner, have a 6 year old son and my partner is refusing to sell the house after a separation.

partner cannot afford to pay the bills in the house by herself even with me paying 50% of the mortgage.

childcare will be on a 50/50 basis.

where do I stand?

thanks.

I believe you'll have to get a court order to order the sale of the house?

Will she not discuss what would happen if you just stopped paying the mortgage? (I'm not advising that by the way as my STBEXH is still paying a share of the mortgage in the short term but I do understand that's only on the basis of his goodwill at the moment and because he's not paying rent where's he's staying)

I think it depends on a few things really - can she downsize?

She needs somewhere to live and to have your DS 50% of the time, but so do you, so legally, solicitors would look at factors such as how much you both earn, any other assets, etc as to how the equity would be divided and if your ex can't afford to stay at the the house and buy you out with the help of any benefits she is entitled to then she may need to either find somewhere she can and the house be sold, or an order may be granted whereby she can stay in the home until your DS s a certain age, although this is not so common these days.

this is my understanding after divorce anyway.

Do you want to stay in the house? Getting a valuation and buying her out so she can move elsewhere is another possibility.

All I know is that my husband at first refused to sell the house. But I think a chat with his own solicitor bought him to his senses.

Thank you all for your replies. She could downsize the house to a 2 bed but realistically if she goes through all that effort she may aswell just sell and buy her own place.

I don’t get paid a great deal more than she does and I can’t really afford to buy her out either hence I can only see three options in this scenario.

1. Let her stay in the house and I pay 50% of the mortgage but keeping in mind that she cannot afford to pay the house by herself.
2. Sell the house 50/50 and we both move on.
3. I stay in the house and pay the bills and she pays 50% towards the mortgage.

I can't see how either options 1 or 3 are in any way viable. What does the person not in the house do. Stay in a Travelodge a la Alan Partridge? (until the money runs out).

Option 2 is the only sane option.

You need to snap out of this attitude that accepts "my partner is refusing to sell the house after a separation.".... neither side gets a veto in this situation.

alternatively..... have you considered Option 4?

Have a look at the option of "birds nest co-parenting". Would she consider that?

If she can’t afford it then you need to sell
of she won’t agree you’ll need to take it to court to agree o stall settlement and waft to do with the house
if you are having h 50:50 then get housing needs are not greater than yours
if you earn similar why would you be expected to pay your own housing plus half of hers

One person paying 50% of the mortgage is unlikely to work as they need somewhere to live and long term may want to buy so being on a mortgage with the ex would be a barrier.

It sounds like you should sell, split the proceeds and get new places sorted.

I appreciate all the replies, I will take all viable options into consideration.

My main issue is, if somehow she manages to find a way of staying in the house and is able to afford it, if I decide not to pay 50% of the mortgage then wouldn’t I be entitled to less when it does sell?

If I’m honest I don’t really know why she’s hanging about with it all, deep down she knows we need to sell but the impression I get is that she is holding out in hope something will happen between us although I have made it very clear this is not the case.

You wouldnt necessarily be entitled to less if you don’t pay the mortgage no, if your share of capital remains tied up in the property. It’s like she has benefit of use of the house while you don’t and your capital is tied up therefore you’d be due the % capital regardless of who pays mortgage

that’s how a mesher works

whether you get 50% is all part of the financial settlement negotiation as is whether she can kept the house via mesher or not

but based on limited info here re respective earnings and child arrangements a 50% split seems probable

in your shoes I would not be agreeing to her keeping the house unless your capital is renegades and you are relinquished from the mortgage as that will significantly hamper your own ability to buy

Although you both own half, the person who looks after your child the most, has the heaviest burden. It is sad this is never taken really into account, as they have to juggle illness, doctors, school holidays and job opportunities not counting social life.
have made it very clear this is not the case sounds you have already made your new life with another.

Reigate you are just jumping to conclusions and also ignoring that child arrangements will be 50:50 do the ex wont be juggling anymore then op

I have not moved on at all and done plan to move on anytime soon, I mean I’ll never say never but right now everything is to fresh for me to even think about that.

all childcare will be 50/50, each party will share the same responsibility.

So speaking as a family lawyer who has often seen this situaution.
It is usually a temporary solution for about 12 months to avoid a quick sale while children adjust to new arrangements.
Paying rent and 50% of mortgage is unfair to the renter.
Paying 0% towards the mortgage is usually unfair.
Paying 0% towards the mortgage may result in negative post separation relationship and lead to default and bad credit rating.
Rental accomodation is usually inferior to the matrimonail house.
If you both have equal bargaining power try this.
Work out the rental value of the matrimonial home.
Reduct the mortgage to the minimum the bank will allow.
One party rents a suitable house, that can accomodate the children and that the children will like enough to stay overnight.
The rental cost and the mortgage cost are combined and each party pays half or the savings are used to pay it all.

If you can negotiate better than that good luck.
If the children are young and a parent can't work or earn much then the other will usually contribute more than half.
For custody reasons it is usually best to stay in the house

The decision on whether to sell the house will come at the end of a process involving mutual discussions, mediation, legal advice and court. How much you do of that on your own will be determined by how reasonable you both are and whether you both can listen and act on advice.

Trying to force a decision to sell on the other party before you have sat down to discuss disclosure and needs just leads to stalemate. Worse it sows the seeds of acrimony.

OP your post is vague on where you are in the process. Indeed it implies you haven’t even started to work through the process that would help you and her decide on how assets and child care will be split.

If you haven’t done meditation or disclosure and then taken legal advice you are nowhere near a decision or offer stage. I’d say no to selling and a 50:50 split. And I would tell her to as well. As would a solicitor.

You seem to be way ahead of yourself and building castles in the sky about what the outcome of a divorce will look like for you. Mentally and rationally she isn’t there yet. This is why meditation and legal advice are so important. I think you need it as much as she does.

A 50:50 split is not the starting point or even an inevitable outcome.