Freedom course not helping as it's not applicable.

Teenprobs · 2022-10-07T07:21:32+00:00

I did the freedom course 10 years ago. Whilst I have been 'free' of my ex partners abuse for these years (I havent) I still had to co parent with him but it just caused different issues and types of abuse. I'm looking for almost a follow on the freedom course. The book is firstly winding me up as its so assumption based, and says things like he will make you have a c section. (I chose a c section because my last vaginal birth with him was so horrendous) and secondly its not relevant. It tells you how much greater your life is going to be once you leave him but although better the abuse just got passed unwittingly from me to my child. Which I'm dealing with and one of my recommendations is to do the freedom course again. So What do you do when you you've left him but you've still had to Co parent with him you've now gone to court and they have told you that your child cannot see him unsupervised I need a version of this course for my child or any recommended books about not seeing an abusive parent anymore. And maybe one for me about dealing with the guilt I have for not doing this sooner, allowing my child to be harmed (not intentionally my child has only recently disclosed some things) I need a change of mindset and I'm actually thinking of re referring myself back to therapy that I did years ago as its just brought so much back and my son is under cahms already but he won't engage. I want to protect my child Just feels like such a mess x thanks for reading if you got this far.

LemonTT · 07/10/2022 10:31

It’s not clear from your post if your child is seeing him supervised or unsupervised. If the the former, then the supervision isn’t working. Since I doubt supervised went on for 10 years, what is happening that is causing you concern.

If he is abusing your child then it’s not about a freedom programme for you it is about child protection and safeguarding. Have you spoken to social services about what is happening to the child.

Isaidnoalready · 07/10/2022 10:37

If its emotional abuse children's services won't deal with it unless it's overt even my ex "strongly suggesting" he will kill himself if his son doesn't come to contact didn't meet threshold

Duolingolater · 07/10/2022 10:46

How old is your child? Are they old enough now to make their views known to the court? To reduce contact with my ex he did pick ups / drop offs from school / childminder, this helped my sanity immensely. I paid for childcare for his contact time so he couldn't not turn up as a control method, I thoroughly recommend that if at all financially viable. I didn't have to deal with contact for an older child as ex overdosed while trying to control his new partner. You have my sympathy as dealing with an abusive ex is difficult, reduce your contact with him as much as you can

Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 12:07

Sorry wasn't clear. Supervised access has just been recommended as just received cafcass report.

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Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 12:07

Duolingolater · 07/10/2022 10:46

How old is your child? Are they old enough now to make their views known to the court? To reduce contact with my ex he did pick ups / drop offs from school / childminder, this helped my sanity immensely. I paid for childcare for his contact time so he couldn't not turn up as a control method, I thoroughly recommend that if at all financially viable. I didn't have to deal with contact for an older child as ex overdosed while trying to control his new partner. You have my sympathy as dealing with an abusive ex is difficult, reduce your contact with him as much as you can

Child is 12, but refused to give his views to the court.

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Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 12:10

LemonTT · 07/10/2022 10:31

It’s not clear from your post if your child is seeing him supervised or unsupervised. If the the former, then the supervision isn’t working. Since I doubt supervised went on for 10 years, what is happening that is causing you concern.

If he is abusing your child then it’s not about a freedom programme for you it is about child protection and safeguarding. Have you spoken to social services about what is happening to the child.

Sorry cafcass / SS have made the recommendations for supervised access him to do a number of courses. Ex won't do them so my son just won't see his dad, their recommendations for me were for the freedom course and i just don't feel it is helpful now as I'm 10 years post leaving him, but I need support for my son to manage going from seeing his dad regularly to potentially never again whilst trying to help him through years of mental and emotional abuse.

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LemonTT · 07/10/2022 13:34

I am not going to be able to guide you to the help you need. I doubt Cafcass have much better insight. They referred you to the FP because it is free and accessible. But it might not be right for you right now.

reading your post, it is clear your ex is in your head and he is provoking your emotions and reactions. That is a problem for you. The obvious alternative is therapy which is hard to access and isn’t free. You could try reading therapy. Basically research books on the subject more linked to your situation. More than one perspective is useful.

Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 19:18

LemonTT · 07/10/2022 13:34

I am not going to be able to guide you to the help you need. I doubt Cafcass have much better insight. They referred you to the FP because it is free and accessible. But it might not be right for you right now.

reading your post, it is clear your ex is in your head and he is provoking your emotions and reactions. That is a problem for you. The obvious alternative is therapy which is hard to access and isn’t free. You could try reading therapy. Basically research books on the subject more linked to your situation. More than one perspective is useful.

Thank you, yes I believe he is, I can just hear his voice telling everyone how I've stopped him from seeing his son, and downplaying all of the crap he's given everyone over the years. But most importantly I don't care about me I care about my son, I don't regret safeguarding him I regret not being stronger sooner, but in hindsight the evidence they have used happened after we split. Thanks for reading I will be okay I just need to re confirm why this is best, and this is his fault and not mine x and especially not my sons x

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BuckarooBanzai · 07/10/2022 19:35

It might help to read up on counter parenting as it doesn't sound like a co parenting situation. I found the recovery tool kit course really good. I believe it is a follow on to the freedom course. Might be worth getting in touch with women's aid to see what's available to you.

Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 23:00

BuckarooBanzai · 07/10/2022 19:35

It might help to read up on counter parenting as it doesn't sound like a co parenting situation. I found the recovery tool kit course really good. I believe it is a follow on to the freedom course. Might be worth getting in touch with women's aid to see what's available to you.

Thank you this is really helpful. I will take a look into it. I hope my emotional rambling made sense.

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Original poster

Teenprobs · 07/10/2022 23:15

BuckarooBanzai · 07/10/2022 19:35

It might help to read up on counter parenting as it doesn't sound like a co parenting situation. I found the recovery tool kit course really good. I believe it is a follow on to the freedom course. Might be worth getting in touch with women's aid to see what's available to you.

Wow.

Just read www.rachelwatsonbooks.com/blog1/the-destructive-counter-parenting-of-a-cruel-narcissistic-ex

This summed up my total experience. Thank you.

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