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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What's a realstic split?

15 replies

Sweetsnap · 05/10/2022 22:18

Hi all,
My and ExH and me split 3 years ago when my DS was 4. He moved out and into his girlfriends house with her 3 kids. They have a baby on the way now too. I live in the home with our 7 yo son. I work full time and run the house, bills, mortgage on my own. He pays not much CM - £250 p/m although i know he earns a decent wage and should pay more. He doesn't contribute financially in any other way and only sees our son every other weekend (no school holidays or anything!).

My solicitor is of the view that his housing needs are met and especially now he has a baby on the way- before he was claiming he was going to move out and buy a house. I cannot reasonably rehouse me and our son on the split he offered so my solicitor is of the view of the whole house coming to me. He earns about 20k more than me as his basic... and his partner earns very well too, with a big house.

Is it realistic to get the whole house? I wanted a clean break but with everything going up, im really struggling to make ends meet whilst he moves on with his life almost unaffected by it all.

Any advice appreciated

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/10/2022 22:20

It depends how much equity there, how much each of your pensions are etc.

Livinghappy · 05/10/2022 22:21

Can you get a mortgage on your own?

What other assets are there? Pensions, savings.. how much equity in the house?

millymollymoomoo · 06/10/2022 07:38

Now much equity is there ? What other assets?

if it’s 30k and nothing else then seems fair. 300k then not

he should re rice a settlement that’s based on his needs and ability to live independently. Cms would I for one reduced by other children living with him and new baby on the way when it arrives

millymollymoomoo · 06/10/2022 08:06

Sorry, spelling above
his settlement should reflect him loving on his own and being able to house himself and child

OhamIreally · 06/10/2022 08:47

millymollymoomoo · 06/10/2022 08:06

Sorry, spelling above
his settlement should reflect him loving on his own and being able to house himself and child

I don't understand this? Why would it reflect a situation that's the opposite of what's happening?

His housing needs are met.

As per pp you need to look at equity plus pensions.

It's a bitter pill to swallow that he is unaffected by the split and his partner's children will reduce child maintenance but unfortunately courts take no moral stance on these matters.

LemonTT · 06/10/2022 09:19

I am guessing the OPs solicitor has seen the value of the net assets and based his advice on that. Presumably the value will just about cover her needs. And she can argue that his needs are met.

His ex is going to argue something else. As MillyM pointed out, he is likely to claim he wants his own place and needs some equity. He may also present evidence that the OP does have housing options. He may or may not be getting legal advice.

at the end of the days the lawyers will act as instructed and build cases accordingly. There may be merit in one case or neither. It’s daft to pay legal fees over trivial amounts of equity. If there is a lot of equity I think her lawyers advice might be a bit off.

OP you don’t provide the detail for us to know why he would get zero equity. Or to what extent you can argue you wouldn’t find a new home. So we don’t know.

Original poster
Sweetsnap · 08/10/2022 18:30

Sorry, i didnt elaborate much there- There is about 120k equity in the house so there isnt much, i would not be able to rehouse myself. Pensions is pretty equal on both sides x

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 08/10/2022 18:31

Tbh I think that’s complete unfair and unrealistic to expect 100% of thst

Crazycrazylady · 12/10/2022 09:15

I think it's vastly unlikely you will get the whole house.

Lillylaneyloo · 12/10/2022 15:51

I don't think its unrealistic at all and actually very similar to a friend of mine who did get the whole house. But it depends on a number of other things- any outstanding debt, earning potential etc. All of this went in her favour..

His housing needs are met and he has a well earning partner, therefore he is a much more adventageous position than you. It would be different if he wasnt now having a new family with this person because then his housing needs would need to be considered. Presumably, he would use any money and just go onto his partners mortgage? Does he earn particularly well? Because that would be considered. I think the least you can expect is a mesher with additional spousal maintenance if you are struggling and he's not paying towards the house or under the child maintenance he should be paying.

gogohmm · 12/10/2022 16:05

Whilst it isn't unusual to get more than 50%, it's more likely to be 60% max.

How long were you together, married? The court can take into account assets before marriage for shorter marriages

millymollymoomoo · 12/10/2022 18:24

Unless he’s very high earner spousal is unlikely

Linda1818 · 13/10/2022 13:34

I guess the problem is, if he financially is set to lose everything, then he may decide to move out of the other woman's house. That's what I'd do if I were him.
Relationships come and go, since they are not married they could argue the relationship is not permanent or they are on a break...even if they have a baby together.

I think if you want to stay in the house, you'd be better off trying to negotiate a mesher with him where he gets his money out after say 10 years or something and in that time you need to have a plan for your own financial future.

MiniCooperLover · 13/10/2022 13:50

Your solicitor seems quite optimistic here I would say .. Equity of £120K to me would mean him getting at least a lump sum of around £50K for you to keep the house?

Original poster
Sweetsnap · 14/10/2022 20:06

Theres a lot more to it i guess- there is a large loan attached to the mortgage which he has left me to pay, so I think the solicitor was of the opinion that the debt becomes mine and thats taken from his share or ge provodes a lump sum of half. There is also a considerable amount of work that was needed to be done to the house which I paid for- not cosmetic, these were all urgently needed and cost in excess of 9k. That and the fact he has not paid the child maintenance amount as per his salary. In answer to one of the questions above, his basic is 20k more, but he gets bonuses etc which amount to a lot more, he is a high earner.

I just want it to be fair, im not out to get the whole house or anything, i never have been. But he hid loads of financial things during mediation that my solicitor said there is no other way but to go through the courts. But he's a complete narcissist, ive been through child arrangement court with him and a non molestation order in place too because of the abuse he has given me over the years. He left me and my son when he cheated on me a few years ago too and i wanted to reamain amicable but its just turned so bad. You'd think he'd be happy to comply and let everyone move ob, but he's hell bent on making my life hell.

Sorry to rant, I'm just finding the whole thing so hard to deal with

OP posts:
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