Hi
I've been separated for over a year now, and divorced for several months. My ex-wife is putting a parenting plan together at the moment for me to go over and sign.
I have recently been in a relationship which turned into friends. We're very close still, and I consider her my best friend. We've helped each other through a lot and through our separations/divorce. We have amazing chemistry romantically and as friends. There's a chance at some point we'll get back together but there's no guarantee. Most of the reason we're now just friends is because of the turmoil that my divorce caused. I was hesitant to jump both feet into a full on relationship again (I was overthinking a lot), and my ex-wife is still struggling to move on. I would often get streams of messages from her throughout the day, from everything from her struggling to let go, to minor details about the kids (I don't mind being updated, but it would get silly, with message after message) which would cause me anxiety, and me checking my phone a lot, even with my new partner (now friend), which caused a lot of strain in the new relationship.
Now back to the parenting plan. My ex-wife knows of my new partner, now turned friend and wants to put into the parenting plan that no ex-partners should have any contact with the kids. I have 2 boys, 14 and 3 years old. My friend has not met the kids yet, we never got to introductions before we became just friends. My friend also has her own kids ages 9, 13 and 14.
In my eyes ruling out ex-partners, no matter how long the relationship was, is unreasonable. The main sticking point for my ex-wife is if I've had previous sexual relations with her and she's now a friend, then she can't ever meet the kids. If an accidental meeting occurs thats ok, but no purposely set up meetings, like we all have a BBQ or go to the park, or I invite them to my birthday party. I feel my ex-wife is making this section of the parenting plan about her and her inability to let go. Whether or not I used to date a friend has no relevance on how they are with my kids. The kids would just see her as a friend. I can understand that she doesn't want a stream of ex-partners coming into our kids lives, but this friendship that I found is the exception and not the rule. I believe I have found a life-long friendship with her, and maybe if we sort things out, it will turn into something more. My ex-wife will only agree to introductions if she was to become my committed partner, whereby then she would have no choice but for her to become a bigger part of my life and my kids lives.
I'm seeking advice. Am I being unreasonable to want someone I care about, who I used to have a romantic relationship with, be a bigger part of my life, and by extension as part of my life, she becomes apart of everyone in my life, including my kids. I'm not asking for her to become entwined into my kids lives, just be able to go on day trips, the park, go for ice-creams together from time to time, like any other normal friends with kids. For her to simply be apart of my life, and not just on the side-lines.
At this point in time I wont be signing the parenting plan. It's vastly too complicated, with so many conditions in it, not just the part about the ex-partners. Everyone else in my life is of the opinion my ex-wife is controlling. She was like this before the separation as well and is a big part of why we're divorced. She sucked the life out of me, and any feelings I used to have for her.
Thank you for any advice you can give.