Abusive husband, rented house a month ago but struggling.. GRAPHIC

[Gemski38]

I have had the rental house for 1 month!!! All big furniture bought and in, sofas, beds, fridges etc. Broadband fitted
BUT I CANT DO IT.. I cant do this last part, take my clothes and actually leave
The trauma bond is so so strong, i feel horrendous.
He has gone the full circle, back to being nice, saying he loves me, wants to make it work, but in reality isnt really doing anything different. All blame is on me, and if i stay it “cant go back to the way it was” by which he means sex. The last 6 months sex has been happening less and less because my body and mind cannot be near him, years of sexual coercion has killed my sex drive. However he has kept on and on about this, how he is hurt, how he is sexually frustrated, how he needs to be on a pedestal and feel loved. He keeps asking for a cuddle constantly, then trying to stick his tounge in my mouth. Gets in my bed and gropes me, puts his hand in my pants, asking for sex, when i tell him to stop he says “why?” and “i cant help it”
comments of
let me fk you
I think you need good seeing to, it will make you smile. when i was crying!!
Let me lick you if i cant fk you
We have tried to talk but he wont listen, just twists it all onto me, saying he has needs, he needs to feel loved. When i tell him his aggression, the names he calls me hurt, he says its in the past and i cant keep bringing it up.
So i have a house, my parents are so worried about me and the children. But i cant go, i cant leave. I want to sell all the stuff and give the keys back x*x

It is incredibly hard.

But imagine that you are listening to your daughter telling you that this is her situation and saying everything you have said. What would you tell her? Would you not do everything in your power to persuade her to leave? Trauma bonding is powerful and you are going to need counselling and support to recover your strength and self esteem, but take that first step.

Keep going lovely, I came in here to write much the same stuff about my STBXH, he has said that the divorce - which I am pushing- is hurting him and hurting our family and I am struggling.

neither you nor I wanted to be leaving but we have no choice- I keep forcing myself to imagine being back in the house with him, and I cannot bear the idea of it and that keeps me going, even though i miss him so much some days. Remind yourself of something awful he did and every time you feel you must go back, remember that thing over and over again and gradually the bond will loosen.

we can do this together, I need to do it, you need to do it. Let’s do it together and celebrate when we get to feeling so much better once we have truly left, never to go back.

Deep down OP you must want this, because you've arranged it all to be able to go.
You need to remind yourself that you've done this because you want to.

It will be 1000x worse if you 'go back' - it always is, because they know they won. Love yourself and your children, more than him.

You're almost there. Imagine the freedom of a bed you can sleep safely in.

NC for this as its close to the bone and Ive been where you are.
Same situation to you. I rented a house, started process … and just like you I had my doubts as the ex started the old games. He was going to change. It would be perfect. Etc etc etc You’ll know what I mean when I say he is like an emotional vampire and will try to suck any ounce of ‘energy’ out of you
He did change. It was perfect. For all of a week OP
It took me an extra TEN YEARS to eventually do it. Those 10 years were especially horrible as I had been so bloody close to freedom . I hated.every.single.bloody.second.
Please please please listen to your head. If you stay you know how the story is going to end dont you?
Here for you if needed but please please find your inner strength. Once you youve done it you will slowly regain your strength and feel a HUGE weight off your shoulders I promise you

sorry if Im all over the place but your post is so so close to how I was that I want to be the person that I needed then.

YOU CAN DO THIS

I’m sorry to revive a quiet thread, but it came up in the new (and daft) similar threads thing. @Gemski38 , did you manage to leave? I so hope you did and you’re free of this cunt. I’ve read all your threads and his treatment of you is chilling.