Spousal/child support

[LM40]

My relationship is in a terrible state. There have been small violent episodes, he also criticises me and puts me down all the time. I finally consulted a solicitor who told me we could ask for 450 in child maintenance a month based on his earnings. She also said we could put in. A claim for spousal
support as I’ve been a SAHM for a number of years but I’m not sure how much I’ll be entitled to. He earns 3,200 net per month.
I am in the process of opening a small business. My working hours are based on the children’s schedule. My husbands job means he’s not around till 7.30 at the earliest un the evening.I have always been the main caregiver. I would like full custody but not sure I’ll get it. He has the gift of the gab and is a charmer. He has told me in the past I can leave when I want but I leave the children with him!!! I think he believes he has all the power and I have none.
id love to hear from people who have been in a similar situation.
Thanks for taking the time to read this

On that salary I’d be surprised if you’d get spousal support- certainly not long term, maybe for a short interim period only

its not about full custody - it’s about where they’ll predominantly live and what access / overnights schedule the non resident parent has. You need to work out a fair schedule here

I believe it will be up to the judge.

Yes but on his salary it’s not likely so I wouldn’t get your hold up !

Hope

wgat assets are there in play too? You need to understand those
and you’ll also be expected improve your Ian financial position. A judge will be looking to ensure financial independence is achieved as soon as realistically possible

looks like he earns in region of £55k…. Not spousal maintenance territory

I really don't think you'll get spousal on that sort of salary.

My ex son in law was earning more than that and no spousal support was ordered. However my daughter preferred a clean break and her ex would have made her life more hell than it already is if he had been paying spousal support as well. He does pay a reasonable amount in child maintenance as calculated by the CMS.

My daughter was a sahm too and had been for a few years.

Is there a house to be sold, which has equity?

If he’s violent again then call the police. It’s not a safe environment for your children or you to be in.

Are you looking for a job as well as working on your own business? Getting your own financial situation on a sustainable and stable footing is a good idea given you can’t anticipate what the financial order would be in a divorce.

Spousal on that salary sounds highly unlikely so I’d plan on how you’ll support yourself once divorced with child support, income, benefits you may be entitled to.

I get £1 a year spousal maintenance on account that I have previously had cancer so if it returned I could ask for a variation. I wouldn't have been awarded it had it not been for cancer and ex earned £65k.

Unless he earns £100k+ pa there's a snowballs chance in hell you'll get spousal in the uk. Quite irresponsible of your solicitor to have gotten your hopes up.

You'll certainly get CM.

Very, very unlikely you'll get spousal support. It's awarded very rarely these days and only in very rare circumstances, e.g. millionaires. If your solicitor made it seem like a real possibility, I would look for another one ASAP as she doesn't know her stuff.

Custody is also no longer a thing. There's the resident parent and the non-resident parent. 50/50 is the starting point, though not often the final result.

A large proportion of men don't pay maintenance, even when it's court ordered. The government department that's meant to enforce it is ineffective. Is your ex employed or self-employed?

Of course you can put in a claim. Of course it would be up to the judge.

But it’s unlikely you would get Spousal support as clean breaks are preferred. He also needs to be able to live and provide a home for the child as well.

Unfortunately, judges don’t usually allow sahp a few years, to set up a business while the ex spouse pays for it. Especially, when the ex is earning about 55k.

of course a judge will decide, but it’s not a given. I would also imagine he won’t play ball so it could be a couple of years before the divorce and financial settlement is done. Giving you time to build the business.

However, you may get a higher amount of assets.

If he is abusive, call the police. Don’t rise to any threats etc. I have divorced an abuser and grey rock is the way to go.

I’ve been advised, by two solicitors, that spousal maintenance is more for when the non sahp is on a six figure salary.

I think the age of dc might be a consideration too and you’re more likely to be supported if you need training for a career move. I was basically told that past a certain child’s age you’ll be expected to work. You’ll also both be expected to provide a home for dc but if you have given up your career to look after dc you could get 60% or 70% of the assets - but as mentioned above you can’t leave your ex homeless!

But it is highly unlikely. That's not a high salary. I wouldn't bank on you getting it.

Please prepare and protect yourself in advance op.

Work as many hours as you can, and prepare for only CM. SM just won't happen.

Whether or not you get spousal maintenance is based on you proving you have a need and proving he can pay. It's unlikely but not impossible that you could do that on his salary but it is unlikely to be for very long and if he wanted to fight your claim through court it probably wouldn't be worth pursuing because on his salary the legal fees would probably be bigger than the maintenance. I earn more than your ex and had to put a stop to my wife trying to make a claim because it would have acted as a massive disincentive to her being sensible about how to generate her own income.

If I was your husband's position for example, I would seek out a solicitor who would help me impute an earning capacity for you to prove you didn't need maintenance irrespective of whether I could afford to pay it. Bear the following in mind:

1. You might want to start a small business but it's your earning capacity and not your earnings that matter in divorce. If your business generates less money than you could earn in employment, that would be seen as your problem, not his.

2. You will be expected to claim all the benefits available to you and the amount of spousal maintenance payable will probably be less than you can claim in benefits. This is important because you'll be setting yourself up to be dependent for an income on someone who is abusive for no material financial gain to yourself. The state is going to be a more reliable payer and he won't be able to control you.

3. Think about what kind of income you will have and how spousal maintenance will improve that. Assuming you worked part time, say 20 hours a week, earning minimum wage you'll have an annual income of around £9.2k which would be tax free. You would also receive £5.4k in child maintenance and around £15k in universal credit assuming you have two children plus £1.8k in child benefit. That's a net monthly income of £2.6k. I think you would be very hard pressed to argue that you need more than that having lived in a household on just £3.2k that now has one less adult in it to feed, clothe, pay council tax for etc.

I suspect your solicitor is only recommending spousal maintenance as a negotiation tactic (or to get your business if it was in a free half hour consultation). If your husband also gets a solicitor they will see right through it and advise accordingly.

As far as maintenance is concerned it wouldn’t be for long even if I got it. My aim is to be completely free of him including financially.

I got spousal but my ex earns 6 figures and I was a trailing spouse when he worked overseas (which helped him teach 6 figures)
The maximum that he can get is 50% care of the kids. He will need childminders etc to help him but that is obviously fine. They wouldn't give you extra custody just because of him needing to source childcare during his time.
Don't forget that pensions and assets like savings are in the table too and you can trade one for the other if it suits. Eg you might make no claim on his pension in exchange for 10% more house equity.
When this happened to me, where to live was the hardest question to solve. Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Or would you prefer him to buy you out and live in a new place?

If he gets the kids 50% of the time then no maintenance will be payable so in your shoes I would focus on increasing income and negotiating a good settlement (house equity/savings/pension)

It might be helpful - if you're willing to provide the information of course - to gauge size of SM relative to your ex's salary in percentage terms with a rough ball park figure of how much he earns. Presumably if £70k is too little for SM, you're not going to get a lot from a spouse who just about earns £100k because otherwise there would be no point in them earning it in the first place (this probably helped me as I could show that once I had paid tax, paid for my commute and paid child maintenance it was actually costing me money to keep doing my high paid London job rather than taking a lower paid local one!)

The reason I ask is that sometimes it can be the case that technically SM is in play but the amounts are so small that the legal cost of pursuing it is pointless. For example, if you might achieve £100 a month for two years but a barrister for the final hearing was going to cost £3k.