How to not feel like a failure

[BeautifulElephant]

My husband and I have been married for 9 years, have a 6 and 3 year old. We are going to break up once youngest is in school due to finances and it just being difficult practically for me to get both of them to nursery and school when on my own.

My parents paid for our wedding and believe that marriage is for life. They are religious, we are not. I know I have internalised some.of their beliefs. I feel shameful about our marriage ending because of it. Rationally I know these things happen and no one's to blame but I'm struggling to shake off that feeling.

Has anyone managed to overcome the guilt & shame that can come with a separation?

I'm not going to tell my parents until we have actually broke up because I don't want them to try to interfere. They live abroad so it's easy for me to keep it from them.

Not sure why I have to bump my posts.

Divorce and separation are not something to be ashamed off. They happen, and sometimes for the better.

However, it's a big change for the children, parents, grand parents and sometimes even friends. Allow yourself time to grief as it's a loss of family life as you know it but also of yourself.

Allow yourself to feel the emotions of disappointment, regret, sorry and frustration. But it's not all doom and gloom. For there to be beginnings, something has to end. You have a new adventure ahead of yourself. Adjustment will take time but new positives are likely to emerge.

Thanks @BeNice01 that was beautifully put.

I do think it will be for the better as long as I can minimise the hurt to my sensitive soul as much as possible.

I want to allow him to feel sad rather than my initial idea of telling him like it was a positive thing and leaving him no room to actually respond to it.

Try to end it as amicable as possible and avoid discussions that will escalate into "my narrative is the truth, not yours".

Other than that, don't be ashamed or disappointed about separating. It's said that 1 in 3 marriages end in divorces.

Once you have separated you will be surprised to discover that there are many other single parents like yourself, and that's that are on the brink of starting that journey.