DS15 travelling to see dad

[Threecrookedhearts]

So STBX has bought some football tickets for tomorrow for him, DS15 and AP's 5 yr old son. He bought these without talking to me first - I only found out as DS left his ticket on our dining table. STBX left us all in January to move in with a woman he'd just started an affair with and her small child. He's devastated our lives (we have DD13 and DS15) and moved 100 miles away. He expects DS to travel by himself across London tomorrow morning to meet him at his local train station and then they drive the 250 miles to this match. I initially assumed he's come and pick DS up but he has no intention of doing that and is now making me out to be controlling and saying I will alienate DS. DS is really annoyed with me but I do think he doesn't really want to travel all that way by himself. He's only once ever got the tube into town by himself once. He's expected to get the tube to Paddington (2 tubes) and then the train to Didcot. STBX hasn't had either of our children even 1 night since he left and didn't even ask to have them 1 day over the summer holidays. I don't understand why he couldn't just take out son away for this 1 night and stay in a hotel and spend some quality time with him but that's a different story! I'm sure the 5 yr old will not wish to be in the car any longer than necessary but that's not my problem.

A 15 yr old should be perfectly capable of that. He's 15, not 5.

I don’t see the issue with this journey at 15. Your son wants to do this and it sounds like something a 15 year old will enjoy. That includes being given the autonomy to make the journey on his own. Help him achieve the confidence to do this.

Please consider what you are going to achieve by getting het up about this. Your son is frustrated with you.

right now, you are angry, your son is angry and your ex is angry. What good does that do any of you. Anger is a strong emotion that few of us can control which is why most of us decide to let go of it.

OP knows that better than anyone else.
If he’s not used to tubes, trains etc he may not BUT if he feels he can do it then let him and make sure he knows what he’s doing and what to do if it doesn’t work out as expected

The tube is not that complicated I used it for my first visit to London this year and found it easy and efficient. He is 15 and if he feels confident and knows which trains he needs to catch he will be fine.

I honestly wouldn't have a problem with an NT 15 year old doing that journey.

Is your question ‘can my 15 year old do this journey’ or ‘is my STBX an arsehole’?

They’re different questions, but your OP veers between the two.

If your question is about the journey / then yes, assuming he’s vaguely competent of course he can. And if he wants to go to the football, he should. Talk him through it I’m advance if you need to.

Your STBXH does also sound like an arsehole. But that’s not a factor here.

Your DS has a phone, right? So he can always call you for help if he gets stuck. He'll be fine OP.

Citimapper app is brilliant for directions on the tube.

I used travel all over London (from the south coast) and further afield too aged 15 and 14. I'm sure your son is more than capable.
Your ex H sounds like an idiot but that's irrelevant to this journey.

He should be capable of doing it, but if you are worried, why not do the tube journey with him and see him onto the train?

He can make sure his phone is charged and has plenty of credit.

In the nicest possible way, you need to separate your anger at your ex leaving you and start being pragmatic about being a parent that supports DC in contact with their dad.

You know your ex is an arse. You know he's not making as much effort as he could. But your DS wants to go and is old enough to be trusted to get across london on his own. Your anger with his dad might end up alienating your DS. Despite what your ex has done, he is your DS's dad and your DS doesn't need to be feeling torn between you and his dad. If his dad wants to see him and your DC wants to see his dad, you have to be reasonable about it and not put blockers in the way.

Yes your son should be capable of taking the journey by himself.

Yes your STBXH is an arsehole.

A 15 year old should be able to navigate the tube. This does not mean your ex is a good, considerate father. I should leave the decision to your DS.

A 15 year old should have been exposed enough to the world that they can negotiate public transport.

Sounds completely fine for a 15yo. Why has he only got the tube once by himself? I grew up in Norfolk and had got trains and tubes in London more than that by 15!

Even my 10 year old knows how to navigate the tube so I think 15 year old should be more than capable

A 15 year old should be well capable of this and if not, then now is the time to learn.

Write down the list of stops and changes and make sure he has the TFL app on his phone.