Child care arrangement dispute/ complicated situation

[MoonlightSparkle]

I am hoping for any advice on how to handle this situation.

Husband left in June because he had an affair. He moved into his mum's spare bedroom shortly after. He asked to see our son two evenings a week for two hours only. This was what he wanted. He doesn't contact our son on a weekend because he is with his girlfriend. This has become the norm.

I started divorce proceedings a few weeks ago and he never responded to the solicitors letter so they had to send another letter to him. I believe he has received this as all of a sudden he wants to see our son more. My concern is that our child struggles with the current routine and is becoming tired and is affecting his sleep (he has nightmares and shouts in his sleep after seeing his dad).

He has also said he would like him to sleep over but there is nowhere for him to sleep. His mum also has a lot of mental health issues and our son has seen this first hand, a couple of years ago, just before she was sectioned. I don't feel this is an appropriate or safe environment for him to be in. Our son has a lot of medical issues and is going through a lot at the moment.

How do I get across these concerns without sounding possessive or crazy. My child is priority.

Just to add he is banned from my home after he became aggressive, he is complaining that that is hard on him. According to him he has done nothing wrong and it's all my fault.

Any advice would be appreciated.

There are 2 ways you can play this. One is that as the resident parent you can stick to your guns and refuse the request. He would then have to apply for a court order. He may well get it. He might do nothing. He might be angry.

Or, you could have a discussion with your ex over how your concerns could be addressed which puts the child’s needs first. A 2 hour per week relationship with a parent is not enough and of course the kid is disturbed by all that has happened. Which should be a good enough reason to try to work together and reach some realistic solution that works.

As to your concerns. These are the counter arguments which would be used in court.
Your son could sleep in the spare room whilst your ex is on the sofa. A history of mental illness does not mean a person is unsafe, especially if they are following a care plan or have been discharged. The fact your child has disturbed sleep could be interpreted many ways.

I really need advice on where I stand. We have lived together for 12 years and have a child of 19months. We both work full time and share drop off pick up to childminder and share the weekend care. We now want to separate. What would a typical childcare arrangement order look like. My partner refuses mediation. Im thinking roughly 50/50 but how does that look like. Does it matter who stays in the family home? What if we sold and bought separate places. Has anyone got any experience of this given this won't be amicable however hard I try