Hi
Hoping for some advice or a bit of a handhold.
I have posted on here previously outlining the gory details but I'll summarise here (if I can do so concisely!!)
DH and I had twins at the end of last year.
Much wanted after many years of IVF. We have been together for 11 years and whilst there were bumps in the road it was always a very supportive, trusting and loving relationship. Or so I thought.
I think Ive always looked after him over the years. It's who I am as as person. Last year, I needed him to look after me. Looking back, DH wasn't quite as supportive as I would have expected, I was very unwell during the pregnancy and after delivery (needed surgery after delivery) and then when the twins were in NICU, again he wasn't there as much as I might have hoped...
We got home with our babies.
Lack of sleep/colic x 2/the tail end of covid... it was a tricky time. But I was just so relieved to have our babies home.
In January I discovered he had recently registered (and been logging onto) an escort website. Couldn't find any sign that he had actually engaged physically. He pleaded that he hadn't and was just feeling low in himself and looking. Looking back, it was a ridiculous excuse but I was beyond tired caring for two babies and just needed him there.
In the months that followed things have been challenging but I have tried to keep our family together. I'm by no means perfect but I tried as much as possible whilst also looking after the babies alone 11+ hours a day...
I thought things would get better after the first year passed but as we approached, DH seemed distant.
Out of the blue following a very minor argument 6 weeks ago, he announced he was unhappy and left. ( he said he was going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting but actually went to another woman's house... but that's a whole other story)
It's since come to light that he has been frequenting dating sites/meeting other women for some time, even before I was pregnant. It's also come to light that there has been many lies from him, ranging from ridiculous all way through to calculating and horrible.
Since then, he has been living with his parents 60+ miles away. When he contacts me it's only to enquire after the children. If I ask him about any of the things he has done he gets upset or tells me that he's sorry but that he just wants to focus on the children for now... I never feel like I'm getting any real answers or explanations for his behaviour.
On the flip side even if he gave me answers I wouldn't really know what to believe because he is a compulsive liar.
I don't want to be with him any longer and have filed for divorce. I am deeply sad over all of this, but feel almost haunted by the lack of answers... knowing that there will more that I haven't found out, but also that I'll never understand more about why he did all these terrible things.
How do people get closure from this kind of situation, particularly as I can't just cut him off because of the children?
Sorry for the essay!!!