I need to leave but I'm scared I won't manage alone

[havingawobblepleasehelp]

I need to leave my partner. Multiple reasons but a brief summary: emotional abuse, infidelity and just general unhappiness are my main reasons.

Here's the problem. I'm terrified to do it all alone. I work FT and will be main carer for our 18 month old DC who still does not sleep through the night. Currently (for all his faults), partner does most of the night wakings with DC because he copes far better than I do on little sleep. Sleep deprivation causes my mental health to slide quite quickly (I suffered severe PND after DC's birth and the mental health team I worked with said a huge part of the problem was lack of sleep).

How the hell will I do this alone? Im worried I'll end up unfit for work through lack of sleep.

I can't afford a night nanny or anything like that. No local family. Cutting down my hours at work isn't an option either.

Can anyone help? I can't stay for this reason, I just can't. I need out asap. 😔

Sorry that you are going through this. Could you move to be closer to family?

They are a significant distance (3 hrs drive) and I don't want to take DC that far from her father. I don't think that's fair

You need to work to get your child sleeping through which they should be unless some kind of medical issue not mentioned

you can also work on pattern of shared care so he has a number of overnights a week which will give you a break

@millymollymoomoo its normal for toddlers to wake at night until 2 and sometimes beyond, waking at 18 months is not a medical issue unless they’re waking more frequently than every 2 hours all night. Sleep is developmental, they get there when they’re ready like walking and talking.

OP - it’s absolutely clear you need to leave. If you both work full time and he does the night wakes is there a reason why your child couldn’t be with each of you 50% of the time?

@BuffaloCauliflower

Yes, his shift patterns don't fit in with childcare times. He works a lot of late evenings/ early starts etc. I have a typical 9-5 job, so I can collect her from childcare etc.

Yes some children wake
some parents prolong it by enabling it unnecessarily
i didn’t say it was a medical issue - I’m saying if there isn’t one it could be habit/comfort/ etc and that can be resolved

if one if the main concerns op has about ability to cope is sleep it’s logical to try to sort that issue surely as I did with one of my own

It is developmentally normal for young children to wake at night

You will get through it because you have to. You will find ways. Not saying it won't be tiring especially working full time, but it won't be too long before little one is sleeping a lot better (I found from around 2 the night wakenings became a lot less). Have you tried co-sleeping?

Get a good local childminder, and see if your work can be flexible at all with WFH (not with child there, but just to cut out commute)

I've done it since 4 months old and he used to wake a lot. I've never done sleep training etc, just fed him to sleep. And went back to work when he was 1 year old. You find ways to make it work, please don't not leave because of this. You will be surprised what you can manage on your own and I'm almost 100% sure the thought of it will be a lot worse than the reality

Can you or do you work from home? If there's any chance you could have a 45 minute nap at lunchtime every day it makes an incredible difference to your body if you're not getting enough sleep at night. I have huge sympathy, I'm really bad if I don't get enough sleep - dizzy and nausea and emotionally all over the place so I can see why you're worried.

If I can do it you can. Left when my DC was a similar age. You will manage. Just think. No draining partner to manage. I also work in an executive role with no family support.

Have you got a new place lined up?

Will you rent somewhere?