Son (5) never happy to see me

[ColdinNovember]

we have been separated a year and are sharing 50/50 custody.

when he comes back to me and some days after school he is upset it’s not dad. Some days just a bit grumpy other days huge tantrums.

they generally last only a little while and he is absolutely fine for the rest of our time together. Occasionally he’ll do I want to be with dad usually in reaction to being asked to do something he doesn’t want etc. fairly normal stuff.

His sister who is older is fine. His dad lives in a different set up so their time together is different. I feel I provide structure, routine etc and my relationship with him is suffering. Dad doesn’t have anything to gain by changing as is the golden parent which is one thing at the weekend but different 50% of the time.

I just want him to be happy to see me 🙁

Im not sure what to do or say. I acknowledge it’s ok to miss dad but I miss him too. I bought him some books etc about separation. does he need counselling?

That sounds so incredibly upsetting, but I think your best way of handling it would be in a very matter of fact and cheerful way. It's no doubt the change he is reacting to, rather than you, and as you mention, the different atmospehere with you compared to his Dad may not help. I think for a young child it will also be difficult for him to have his feelings judged as 'wrong' - so maybe sympathise and move on? 'I'm sorry you're missing Daddy, and you'll see him soon, but I'm really excited to see you, lets go and....'

Sorry I missed this reply. Thank you , you’re right. I’m adopting this attitude as I have as possible. He was fine this weekend when I collect him but ex came to an event and he only wanted him and he was being very stubborn and tantruming about it. The solution of course seems to not attend events together but it would be nice for both of us to do it. It’s like he needs to demonstrate his ‘loyalty’ or something to his dad.

He's just a very young child who I presume only just started school.

At the age of 5 it's not uncommon to still be clingy to one or both parents. As he builds friendships at school, becomes better at self entertaining through new skills, you will see his self identity develop.

In the meantime don't take his love for his dad to heart. I am sure your son loves and appreciates you too.