50:50 custody- who pays for what?

[CloudyWood]

Hi,

My DH and I have recently split and have 2 children- DS 5 and DD 8 months. We're still in the marital home and we're trying to work out the arrangements going forward. We have agreed on a 50:50 split but not which pattern to use. We both agree that due to DD's age she should go no more than 24 hours without seeing me (as I'm mixed feeding/breastfeeding her). DH is likely to be moving 40 miles away from we're we currently live and were DS goes to school. He is likely to be working for himself so will not particularly need childcare on his days. I will be working 9-5 full time.

My questions are- how do we split childcare (nursery and wrap-around care)? Should we split the travelling so I drop the children off/pick them up from his half of the time, or do I just contribute towards fuel?

Thanks!

Regardless of whether 50/50 is doable or right, if you have 50/50 you pay for whatever you need on your time ie no child maintenance is payable.

I can't see how 50/50 will work when your youngest child is so little and can't go 24hours without seeing you. It really sounds at though your ex is putting himself and his wants ahead of the children's. I think you might need to have a different arrangement now whilst your children are so young and then look at increasing their time with dad as they get older, with the aim of building to 50/50. There's then the complication of Dad moving further away, my understanding is that 50/50 is most successful when parents live very close to each other and are amicable (I know your area currently amicable but this often changes when finances are discussed and separated).

If you do go for a 50/50 child arrangement, you would be expected to pay all childcare costs on the days the children are with you and for all clothes they need at your house etc.

Don’t do 50/50!

I’ve done 4 days and ex has done 3 for 7 years but we live in neighbouring streets.
Daughter starts secondary next year and he’s moving in with his long term girl friend about ten miles away so we’re switching to standard 1 weekday evening EOW to minimise disruption to DD’s daily routine.

As things are anything forgotten (PE kit/wellies etc) can be collected in just under 5 minutes, that’s the only reason our almost 50/50 works.

plus, with a BFing baby I’d be inclined to say no overnights for baby for now (when I was working full time with a breastfed baby most of my mothering was in the night hours, co sleeping).

you can renegotiate towards 50/50 in the future, if that’s what he really wants (probably not!)

and he deffo does the driving, both ways, and you can help him out occasionally by meeting half way or doing either pick off or drop off if you want to but he’s the one moving so the expectation should be he needs to do the travel (and if you were to move, same).

I agree it’s not in breastfed baby’s interest to be 50/50.
Also remember school holidays 13 weeks. Most childcare is cheaper if you book a full week and some builds up to an event eg dance or music camp and they put a show on Friday. A child only able to go 2 days as they are going to dads other half isn’t going to fit in and feel happy.
Activities and after school clubs. Eg dad isn’t going to want to pick him up at 3pm then drive him back for disco at 7pm but if everyone is going it’s hard if he always misses out.
You need to think of all scenarios.

It's clear 50/50 isn't going to work in your circumstances. Even if you could agree on it, your ex will probably change his mind 2 weeks in, when reality bites!

Totally inappropriate for an 8 month old, and even 5 yo is a bit young for it really. So only possibility is to split the children up so youngest stays with you every night, but older child does 50/50 (say it's on a trial basis as I'm sure it won't last).

I like a pp's suggestion of one parent has them.every Mon-Tues, other parent every weds-thurs and then alternate fri-sun.

Would he be willing to move halfway? 20 mins will be a lot easier on all of you. As the children get older they stop wanting to go to their dads if it's too far from their friends/clubs. Whereas 20 mins is fairly close.

How about you compress your hours into 4 days so you can have Monday off. You pay for nursery on Tues and Weds. Ex comes to your area on Thurs morning and looks after your DC whilst you are out at work. In the evening he retreats to air b&b or similar. He looks after DC again on Friday then drives home that evening, taking DC with him every other weekend (just older one initially). Would only work if you were happy for him to look after your DC in your home.

On second thoughts, stick with 5 days but compress into his days, so 10 hour days on his days and 6.5 hour days when he isn't around.