Newly separated - how to divide between parents

[Mummybear888]

Hello,

Separated from my husband in March and he started dating a girl in April. For the past month or so I have been letting our 5 year old child stay at the new girlfriend's house every Saturday night (at ex's request). He is now asking that our child spend 2 nights a week at the new girlfriends house.

My question is.. what are my rights? Can I say no or does he have the right to take our child to his new gf's house half of the time? Or does he have to wait until he is off our joint mortgage and paying rent at the new girlfriends house?

Before we split I did 90% of the parenting (cooking, cleaning, bathing, house cleaning, bed time, school drop off's/pick ups etc) and we are both full time workers. It took me a long time to realise how selfish and lazy he is. Better late than never eh?

At what point do you start the 50/50 parenting split? I would love to have more of the parenting split, as I have always been the primary care taker. Whenever he has had our child (pre-split), he would always rope his Mum in to help. Not sure if I would be entitled to it though? Don't the courts prefer that it is split 50/50, even though I did the lion's share of the work pre-split?

Anyhoo, he literally just met this girl (5 months). I wanted to wait until he had fully moved out before we did the parenting split. Not sure what my rights are?

Also, my Dad put down the whole of our house deposit 6 years ago and my greedy ex wants to take half of it. Sadly I think he is entitled to it. My Dad worked so hard for that money and was so generous to put it towards our house.

Last of my questions and thanks for getting this far!

Get some free legal advice from a solictors.
I don't think you have to do anything you're not comfortable with if there's nothing set in stone.
Why can't he have the child elsewhere? Is he using the girlfriend for the childcare?
I'd ask the child if he wants to go longer or not. My older kids go to their grandparents friday and saturday nights and have done since they started school before that it was different nights.
You could get some time for yourself, maybe trial it for a month or something and see how it goes

Thank you 😊.
No, he will be there with the child when at the gf's house. They sometimes go on days out during the weekend but he wants to make it a habit of having our child stay more than 1 night at the girlfriends.

I could understand this if it was a long term relationship but it is still a fairly new relationship and my ex's name is still on our house. And the home we live in is still the child's family home.

I haven't met the gf either. I was planning on meeting her but things have turned sour with my ex and he has turned even more heartless and rude since we have discussed the selling of the house. He wants to take half have the deposit that my Dad paid into the house (which was 100% of the deposit). Sadly it looks like he is entitled to half. Every time we have a conversation now, he ends up shouting at me and me ending up in tears. He even shouts in front of our child, which in turn makes him sad.

Sorry for the long post, I just don't know what to do. I just want to do what is best for my child. Best option for her mental well-being. Xx

See a solicitor. 50/50 is usually starting point but when a child is involved it changes into who is main caregiver. If he wants 50% that also means he cares for his child 7 out of 14 nights, is responsibly for school drop off/pick up on those nights and all other responsibilities. If he only wants 2 nights a week you'll be more likely to take more than 50% of the household assets in order to continue to provide a life for your child and he would be expected to provide maintenence towards this. Unfortunately you can't stop him having the child (unless domestic abuse issues which should be raised with police and social care) and you can't stop him taking child to new girlfriend house as much as it is frustrating when people rush into relationship when they Have kids etc.

How long were you married for. A friend of mine (albeit no kids) got divorced 3 years after their wedding. His family paid 100k of their house deposit. She thought she would get 50% of the equity as they were together 10 years before being married but when it came to court judge ruled 100k back to him first then rest split 50/50

It’s always a difficult one as realistically he doesn’t have to ask your permission for DD to stay at the girlfriends house, he doesn’t have to tell you where DD is staying or what they are doing.

you need to look at all the assets, does he have a pension? You need the CETV of it, do you have a pension, same for yours.
how much equity is in the house…. How much in saves…. Write it all down. the starting point is half of everything , but it doesn’t mean he will get half…… if you are the primary carer that is taken into consideration…..

Thank you everyone.

@Safari234 wow that is amazing! So glad your friend got back 100% of his deposit.
Is that a rarity to happen in court? From all these articles I've read, it says that deposit will be split 50/50 even though he didn't put anything in. We both contributed an equal share to the mortgage payments too.

We've been married 6 years, our kid is 5 years old. Before that we were together for 7 years.

Also, he is planning to move in fully with his new gf by Christmas time.

@Saturdaydreamingway2355555 can me being the primary caretaker really help me to have my child stay at our home for more days? Again, articles I have been reading say it will be a 50/50 split. You gotta love Google sometimes!

See a solicitor. That’s a short marriage and you have a child. I’d suggest all deposit back to you and a split 50/50 would be more than fair to offer him but I’d start off and say my deposit and my home 100% mine you move out I facilitated the house but etc
at the moment go by your child 50/50 ok with them ? Then say he does 50/50
CMS us calculated on number of nights which is why my ex fought tooth and nail for every single night regardless of if he was Ill or wanted a party etc

At this moment in time the money in the house is jointly owned. The divorce process will determine how much you need from that and the overall pot to meet your needs post divorce. If that is easily done then to make you whole again. Most people don’t gets past needs.

Your needs will be a home big enough for you and your child. His will be the same. If he had the child one day a week you can argue a bit smaller. One bed rather than two bed. The share will be based on the amount you need to buy or rent. Bigger shares are given to people on lower incomes because they cannot afford the same level of borrowing or rent.

I doubt your father paid the deposit, instead he would have legally gifted the money for it. You should check the paperwork on how your father gifted the money. Was it to you individually or to you both? A gift to both of you is different from one of you having that money in savings or as a gift.

As long as he doesn’t create a safeguarding issue then he can parent as he sees fit. But he has to parent not use friends and others to babysit. The rights people think you should have over how he parents don’t exist. If they did they would work both ways and you don’t want that.

The amount of time a child spends with each of you will be based on their needs. These derive from practicalities and emotional needs.