Abusive husband, losing his mind and threatening me over the house

[Gemski38]

So after 9 years, 7 of them of me being so unhappy and trying to get out/make it work, i have had enough. He is manipulative, gas lights me constantly, twists everything i say, calls me names like -
Shit mum
Incapable of love
Psycho
Liar
I abuse the kids (i dont)
Has said awful things about me in the past - whore, slag, nutter etc

Then when im upset and try to communicate he will Not accept blame at all, denies calling me names, says "yeh well what about me and my feelings" no acknowledgment for my feelings at all.

Followed by silent treatment for days/week until i break it, nothing gets discuss, and things go back to normal... it hammered my health and my mental health to.

So I've got a rented house. keys Friday but we have a joint mortgage. He is losing it saying that he can't afford to buy me out, wants to give me £20,000 and me take my name off the mortgage. Then he says if i go for more he will burn the house down. Today he wants me to take the £20,000, take my name off the mortgage and him to rent the house out to me!!!
He wont sell and split the equity as he doesn't think that's fair!!

All this followed up with "you over your little meltdown now" and "so you're going then, are you? that's it?" his attempt at resolving the conflict.

honestly feel so unwell with it all. Its like mental torture x

Get out today if you possibly can - he is escalating his threats because he can feel control slipping away.

As for the house and stuff - get a solicitor in place and deal with it next week.

You're really strong and you can do this.

Well done OP. PPs are giving good advice. If he wants you off the mortgage (he can’t do it just like that though), great, all the debt is on him. The important one is that your name is on the title deeds (and he definitely can’t just remove you from there either).

Move important documents and stuff to a safe place, change your passwords and PINs asap, enlist friends and family to help and see a solicitor.

Good luck.

Stay strong op. Every time he goes off on these rants just think how easy he's making this decision for you.

I left my ex many many years ago now. Just upped and left into a rented house with the kids. He emotionally ground me down so much that I stupidly agreed to sign some paper work to sign our home over (coz that's all he bloody actually cared about really) for basically pennies. But I was just desperate to get out.

That paperwork wasn't even legal but by the time I was strong and brave enough to get legal advice and go to court, he had squandered the lot (sold property and hid the proceeds). Then he went bankrupt 🤷‍♀️

So get yourself sorted in your new home then solicitor straight away.

Best of luck in your new life x

Well done for taking such a big step! That takes a lot of courage, despite a few (totally normal) wobbles. If he threatens to burn the house down or 'do something stupid' find a way to document that, even if it's just a short factual memo sent in a dated email to yourself. If he were to do something like that, you have evidence that he threatened it.

Your new life awaits you!

I second getting a solicitor asap and absolutely don't agree to anything financial until you have a signed consent order, my exH tried this, and was also very clear on what he wanted and thought was fair. In the end he got what I agreed to with the support of a good solicitor. There's likely to be more to consider that just the house, pensions etc. plus contact arrangements.

Make a claim through CMS immediately, they don't backdate, don't agree to a private arrangement with a man you can't have a reasonable conversation with, this is one of my regrets, let CMS handle it. Be mindful of trying to be reasonable with a man who isn't doing the same, if he'll be upset about you getting a solicitor or contacting CMS that's for him to deal with.

He's angry and lashing out, you need to get away and minimise contact. I haven't had direct contact with my exH for years because he's so bitter and unpleasant and I don't need that in my life.

You are so brave and strong. Please take care of yourself - maybe talk to eg womens aid to make sure you know the best way to leave safely?

your husband is screwed. because he married and he may lose HIS house. it is a joke.