How do you split children's responsibilities if 50:50?

[Dillydallydonut]

I'm getting my ducks in a row and trying to think a few steps ahead. If he wants to do 50:50, how do others manage the practical responsibilities of children. E.g. dental appointments, doctors, buying uniform, childcare arrangements, school stuff? I do all this now, and can't see how we would share these responsibilities. Would I still be doing all this and just telling him when to take them to appointments. This would cause friction and be worse than it is now. Now I just get on with it all. But if I have to explain what needs doing and check he's actually taken them to appointments, I'm still managing his parenting and spoon feeding him, and he's not taking responsibility for them - so not 50:50 in responsibilities, only time.
If I agree to carry on with this side of parenting, which I'd rather, then during my 50% we'll be doing all the boring stuff & appointments, while he gets to be Fun Dad and only focus on the easier side of parenting.
Examples of how you manage these parenting responsibilities under a 50:50 arrangement would be really helpful to hear. As I do it all now, happily, I just can't see a way to split it amicably where it doesn't cause upset or stress for the children if stuff doesn't happen. I don't want them impacted.

Sorry but I never got that to work.

I do 100% of these things, while EXH gets to be Disney dad. In his head, he’s father of the year. But he’s never bought any school uniform, made a dr or opticians or dentist appt, dealt with the school, arranged a play date, etc.

however, now mine are 14 and 16. They know who is the responsible parent, and it’s me they come to with their needs, dilemmas and choices. Our relationship is very close, and I’m hoping will continue to be so. The6 increasingly see their dad for who he really is.

I’m not saying, suck it up. If you can get your ex to be involved, so much the better. But know that there are rewards further down the line if you do end up having to take it in, because he won’t.

Thank you @Itslookinggood I’m keen to carry on doing this part as I’ve done it since they were born, and they know I won’t let them down. It just doesn’t sit with the 50:50 perception, but as you say, suck it up. I’m not even sure he’ll want 50:50, but I just wanted to manage my expectations in that conversation. Thank you.

When we were in early discussions about how to split the kids time - my Ex was talking about wanting to be a full time involved parent, and wanting 50/50.

Mind you I have been a SAHM since they were born and he has not been that involved until then - he was always working.
So - I told him - 50/50 doesn’t just mean the fun bits of parenting. I said I’ll make a list of all major categories of things - fun and mundane - and we will split them equally.
For example - I’ll be doing their clothing,… he’ll he doing their shoes…. Etc
I’d be doing their medical, He - their dental…
It was something he honestly didn’t think about until I even mentioned it.
It wasn’t an easy conversation - and luckily we did it with a family counsellor as we were using one to get to our child arrangements.
In the end - it helped him see that he actually couldn’t really gone for 50/50 as he didn’t want to be involved in the basic mundane things he has never done.

So - we agreed that most of the school week kids are with me, and holidays are 50/50. Which made it easier for me to continue doing what I have always been doing for them.

If he does insist - and depending on how much you can trust him - there may be creative ways of dividing responsibilities.
Just make sure that financial side is also negotiated - for eg - who is paying for the uniform, clothes, medical/dental (if there are expenses). If kids need extra things for school, or if they are going to a bday party - who buys presents. Etc.

I think 50/50 is rarely that in real life.

DP and his ex do this 50/50 but it's the opposite of most people - they each actively argue over who gets to do the mundane child centric tasks. I believe they shared them in their marriage but after separation XW became convinced the kids were hers and tried to exclude him from doing any of the usual. So now it's court ordered and they alternate things like dental cleanings, school supplies, etc. They each provide the necessities for their time for the kids so clothes and shoes and school kit etc.

For things like dental appointments, parent who takes them to an appointment emails the other parent after the appointment to let them know they've been so the second parent can schedule the next check up. So neither gets stuck with the mental load. Neither follows up on it but they're both keen to do it so it works.

Mental load. I'm still doing 95% of that though we are '50:50' parenting.

It's infuriating. I would rather not be 50:50 but see my child more, but I don't have a right to do that.

Administering childcare bookings, paying childcare, school performances, emailing teachers, GP, dentist, medication......

No point in asking him to shoulder any of it because he just 'forgets'.

My ex openly admitted he has zero interest in doing any of this stuff / isn’t capable of doing it and as a result I have the children the vast majority of the time and probably always will. I’d be very reluctant to accept a 50/50 arrangement unless my ex was actually going to do 50% of the parenting not least because if you take them to buy new shoes, have haircuts, organise party gifts etc you’ll end up paying for it all but not getting any maintenance.

My ex has 50:50 as wanted it but says he will do stuff (e.g. get a repeat prescription) then forgets until I end up having to do it. It is his MO. Part if the reason I left him. Can't be doing with managing everything yet it continues....

Family calender?

Childcare is split depending on whose day it is so if you have them Monday Tues you Pay For Monday Tuesday etc etc might mean seperate childcare providers though

Same with school meals and paying as this gives both an opportunity to give packed lunches

Doctors and dentist again family calendar whoever has them takes them other parent has the opportunity to join