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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Breakdown of marriage help

5 replies

Rita2016 · 04/09/2022 07:32

Hi Everyone

I have been married for 10 years got two children and Friday I reached to the breaking point of everything, I have had enough of it all.. the nasty comments, the digs at me, not earning enough, having no money, ur useless, etc etc the list goes on n on.. and quite frankly I have just had enough of it all.. husband has been like this on n off for 10 years with the way he treats me and how he talks to me.. friday we had a massive argument where it got too much I ended up taking kids to mil house to see what she would say worse mistake going there she did nothing apart from saying it’s between u two you need to sort it out..and haven’t heard nothing since then.. my husband tried to smirk and laugh about it all the in the evening like nothing had happened? Surely that isn’t right… who does that???.. and then started asking my 6year old where we was all day and was we at granny’s all day or did we go elsewhere.. and then asked me if I had told anyone else about what had happened.. just said it’s none of your business who I have told I have had enough don’t talk to me because I don’t want to speak to you.. so since Friday haven’t spoken and I’ve just done a lot of thinking and thinking is this what life I want for the next 5 years.. like why would I want to be with someone who emotionally abuses me and makes me feel like crap.. constantly stressed everything is always my fault.. hand on heart I can say I am not happy he hasn’t changed in the last 10years it’s just got worse n worse with his stinking attitude and nasty comments about my family etc..
I just don’t know what to do..speaking n sitting down telling him how I feel isn’t going to change anything he’s had this type of behaviour for years and I can’t see him changing that..

OP posts:
MintJulia · 04/09/2022 07:51

You are right, if he's treated you like that for 10 years, he isn't going to change. I'm not sure why (how) you've stayed as long as you have.

Going to his mother won't help, of course she will take his side. And his attitude and values come from her if she raised him, so she's unlikely to be sympathetic.

Where are your family, your mum? Can they help? Do you work? Do you jointly own your house? What part of the country do you live in? What is the housing situation like locally?

I think I'd start by calling Women's Aid. Talk it through with someone in detail, get some proper support in real life. But don't let it go on. Your children are growing up thinking that sort of behaviour is normal, and it really isn't. You all deserve much better xx

Original poster
Rita2016 · 04/09/2022 08:03

MintJulia · 04/09/2022 07:51

You are right, if he's treated you like that for 10 years, he isn't going to change. I'm not sure why (how) you've stayed as long as you have.

Going to his mother won't help, of course she will take his side. And his attitude and values come from her if she raised him, so she's unlikely to be sympathetic.

Where are your family, your mum? Can they help? Do you work? Do you jointly own your house? What part of the country do you live in? What is the housing situation like locally?

I think I'd start by calling Women's Aid. Talk it through with someone in detail, get some proper support in real life. But don't let it go on. Your children are growing up thinking that sort of behaviour is normal, and it really isn't. You all deserve much better xx

Thank you for your reply,

I gave him many many chances over the years where other members of the family have got involved because of the arguments we have had to make him see sense etc.. so I guess I just thought yeah things will get better I will become more happy and it will change..but now thinking about it I probably only stayed because of the kids.. not because he makes me so happy he really looks after me etc nothing like that at all..

I work part time and we have a flat that we brought together mortgage in both names, I have spoken to my family about it and they have said they are with me whatever I decide to do my mum will have me back with the kids if it came down to it so I got great support unfortunately not local as she lives 3 hours from me she’s in the midlands I’m in London.. no family here or friends…

since Friday talking to my older sister she asked me a whole load of questions and it has really made me think do I want to live like this for the next 5 years let alone the next 6 months.. thinking oh he’s gnna get pissed off about something or he’s going to say something else.. I just don’t know what to do I know the kids will suffer but I’m trying to think about myself not being selfish or anything but how can someone live like this? Being with someone who talks down to you has literally no respect for me at all, I’m good enough to look after the kids etc but everything else I’m useless.. yes I admit I haven’t got much money because it made no sense for me to work full time as I would need to pay for childcare so I continued with my part time job working overtime here n there so I had that extra money.. it’s just the same thing again and again you don’t earn this much your useless you don’t have a clue about anything x

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/09/2022 08:09

Let’s be practical, do you have your own bank account with your wages and child benefit paid into it ?
Is there any possibility that you could go full time ?
Do you have any joint accounts/savings ?
Do you both have a private pension ?
Next thing is to speak to a family solicitor. You can get a free first chat if you ring around, despite some on MN thinking that it’s a myth.

Original poster
Rita2016 · 04/09/2022 08:12

KangarooKenny · 04/09/2022 08:09

Let’s be practical, do you have your own bank account with your wages and child benefit paid into it ?
Is there any possibility that you could go full time ?
Do you have any joint accounts/savings ?
Do you both have a private pension ?
Next thing is to speak to a family solicitor. You can get a free first chat if you ring around, despite some on MN thinking that it’s a myth.

Hi,

My wages come into my account.. the child benefit is paid into a different account which I’m sure is in his name.. no other accounts with him he has his own separate bank account for bills etc.. I have a loan in my name which I am aware of that we both got out but was in my name..
pension I have my own private one and so does he…

OP posts:
ujenny · 06/09/2022 15:28

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