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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to cope when DH doesn’t want to separate

4 replies

lostat37 · 29/08/2022 20:04

So finally after a really rocky year I have told my husband that I want to separate after 22 years together.

There is a lot of background to it and we have spent the past year literally going around in circles ‘working at it’ only for nothing to ever change.There is a lot of research resentment on both sides and over the years he has become what mums bet would call a cocklodger.

However sue to circumstances I will not be moving out until the end of September but we have agreed to tell our teenage kids together on Saturday.

However since I have told him that I am done he has been relentless in trying to persuade me otherwise.

I love you
I will change
your just throwing things away
your making a big deal out of nothing
i would rather us be unhappy and together than apart

for those that have been through this how did you stay strong in your decision without letting them grind you down? Or change your mind?

I have found myself staying things like ‘a bit of time apart will do us good’ just because I can’t bear to have him telling me he is ‘love sick’ etc.

This decision for me has been a long time coming and over the last year we must have had the discussion about 4 times…..

Any advice?

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 29/08/2022 20:15

Be as disinterested as possible. Find a phrase like "I'm not prepared to discuss this. I've made my decision" and then refuse to engage any more. Get up and leave the room if he continues. Absolutely refuse to be drawn. Once you've said this just don't answer anything else.

lll3333 · 30/08/2022 17:24

Yeah, grey rock. Get the initial papers drawn up & give them to him & leave the room.

losingit31 · 30/08/2022 17:41

Absolutely agree with @MadMadMadamMim - same here. Be resolute, he'll cope (and if anything like my ex, will have replaced you within weeks despite his protestations of love).

espressomartini22 · 30/08/2022 22:10

Same here my husband is refusing to go! Sorry I have no advice

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