Child contact with alcoholic ex-wife

[piffle123]

Will try and keep this brief.. have written previous posts.

DB left his alcoholic and mentally unstable wife 2 years and now has full time custody of his
2 DC.
Due to the abuse and continued drinking his ex has not been allowed any contact for the last year. In the meantime she has had serious health problems and is currently in a brain injury facility.

Her last solicitor effectively "resigned" due to her drinking but she has now engaged with a new firm.

My niece (DN 12) has been receiving weekly counselling for what she has and is going through. Been going really well and she has a great rapport with her therapist.

Out of the blue DB received a letter from her solicitor demanding to know why DN was having counselling (disclosed as part of court proceedings) who this person is, why and how a referral was made, what their qualifications are and what is being discussed in these sessions!!

We are gobsmacked at the sheer nerve of ex-wife; that she should even wonder why her traumatised DD would need counselling after all she has witnessed and the enforced separation from her mother!!

I said that DB shouldn't respond at all but his solicitor has advised a response would put him
on higher ground.

We are therefore going to draft something today but are conflicted on the tone it should take.
Frankly I would just tell them to fuck off but obviously needs a level of reservation.
Need wording that answers the questions succinctly but points out that it is unbelievable why ex-w would even be asking!!

Hopeful bump

She can’t be told what’s being discussed in sessions, and neither can her Dad - that would be highly unethical, so she can fuck off with that demand.

That’s the only thing I do know.

As for a response letter, I’d simply refer to the court order in it, without answering any of the questions.

Thank you, it's so unbelievable

Oh I believe it, it’s the sort of shit my “D”M pulled when I finally escaped her alcoholic abusive clutches at 16… Fortunately I was 16 so she couldn’t force me back to her, or to answer her calls, or to visit her. She was also baffled as to why I was so “fucked up”.

The court order protects the children, so use it. Look at the exact wording. Refer to it in your response to her letter.

And remind them that counselling is covered by medical confidentiality and she has zero right to access that information.

I’m in a similar situation with my ex-H, except he hasn’t landed himself in hospital…yet. It’s not easy, but I think it’s always important to meet the craziness by being straightforward and calm. Although the court order gives him custody, she probably still has parental responsibility (unless this was dealt with in court). I would word it simply along lines of: DD is seeing x for professional counselling to help her cope with the consequences of her mother’s alcoholism and behaviour. Professional confidentiality would prevent disclosure of their discussions and it is not child focussed to be asking.
Maybe check with the solicitor as to putting in a warning not to interfere or contact the counsellor directly? Also, worth warning the counsellor?
Sorry you’re all going through this- the chaos one alcoholic can create is astonishing.