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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Excuses for divorce?

18 replies

partlyponder · 23/08/2022 09:46

Hi.
I want to leave my husband. I just don't love him anymore, its neither's fault. This isn't a decision I'm taking lightly, it is best for both of us.

But I don't want to hurt him.
Has anyone heard of any reasons why someone might end their relationship that are of a 'no fault' kind?

I don't want to tell him I just don't love him anymore, that would harm him so much more. I just want a good reason to end it which doesn't blame him, something which is almost out of my hands maybe?

I know I know, be honest etc etc.
but that isn't something which I want to do in this case as he'll be devastated. I'd love a reason which wouldn't hurt too much.

Any novel reasons for ending a relationship anyone?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Worriedaboutmybrother · 23/08/2022 09:50

Tell him the truth, it will hurt but it will be the closure he needs to understand why it didn’t work moving forward. There’s nothing worse than having your heart broken and being told ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ when you can be honest by saying specifically I don’t love you in that way anymore- I think it’s kinder than bowing out and leaving them wonder.

Legally speaking - Irreconcilable differences on divorce papers.

Original poster
partlyponder · 23/08/2022 09:54

Worriedaboutmybrother · 23/08/2022 09:50

Tell him the truth, it will hurt but it will be the closure he needs to understand why it didn’t work moving forward. There’s nothing worse than having your heart broken and being told ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ when you can be honest by saying specifically I don’t love you in that way anymore- I think it’s kinder than bowing out and leaving them wonder.

Legally speaking - Irreconcilable differences on divorce papers.

Thanks, but that just isn't the route I want to take - for him that would be so much worse than really most other reasons.

OP posts:
TitInATrance · 23/08/2022 09:57

Most reasons for divorce involve criticism of the other persons behaviour, however subjective. The obvious one that doesn’t is “I’ve met/want to meet someone else”.

MintJulia · 23/08/2022 10:11

There are only a few reasons but they all come down to not loving him. having affairs, wanting a different life etc all mean you aren't happy with him.

Unless he is an alcoholic/addict of some kind and you need to remove the children for their own safety.

Have enough respect to tell him the truth. He'll work it out anyway.

DonnaBanana · 23/08/2022 15:28

Hasn't he noticed your relationship is on the rocks yet? You say he'd be devastated.. are you putting on an act right now where he thinks everything is 100% okay? If you're not, then surely he knows you're not getting on that well and something like this wouldn't be totally unexpected.

Sisiwawa · 24/08/2022 00:57

Can you say something like 'you love him, but you've grown apart' or that you're not the same person as when you married him.
It is probably better to be honest though, as others have said, he'll work it out anyway.
It doesn't mean you don't feel a love for him, just not 'in love' with him. Sounds like he'll be hurt anyway with the split.

Dazedandconfused10 · 24/08/2022 01:14

If being honest with him would be 'worse for other reasons' surely those are the reasons

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 24/08/2022 01:26

Phrase it as “we have drifted apart”. That’s the truth, but gently expressed.

Jellycatspyjamas · 26/08/2022 22:25

Wanting a divorce will be hurtful to him no matter how you phrase is or what reason you give. In my experience it’s much less hurtful to be honest with him than leave him wondering what has happened - he’ll know you’re not being honest with him and will likely torture himself trying to work out what went wrong. The most honourable thing you can do is tell him the truth.

KittyCatsby · 26/08/2022 22:32

One of the reasons my ex put on his reason to divorce me was because at the time I was suffering from an eating disorder . Bastard .

Mumof3confused · 27/08/2022 17:00

The UK now has a no-fault divorce system so you don’t have to cite any ‘reasons’ when you file for divorce, if that’s what you mean.

Wartywart · 27/08/2022 17:20

Just tell him you want to be on your own. Alone. Solitary. If that's true of course - you can't tell him that and then start furiously dating......

GhandiSmith · 28/08/2022 11:00

This is an odd question in my opinion, like what kind of 'excuse' would be easier to handle than the truth?

E.g. ' hubby, we have to get a divorce cos I suddenly realised that I am a lesbian and have been living a lie...... absolutely not your fault at all.......'

Is still gonna upset hip quite a lot!

Whereisthelove2 · 11/09/2022 00:10

You should tell him the truth. I got left and was given so many excuses that didn’t add up. I wish I’d been told the truth.

SianNotAMan · 11/09/2022 00:16

Come on. Do the right thing and tell him the truth, and do it straight away. If he’s done nothing wrong then you need to give him the opportunity to meet someone who will love him and want to be with him.

Tell him, pack your bags, and leave.

movingon2022 · 12/09/2022 21:20

I would just say that I am not happy in the relationship any more.

YorkshireLeedsLass · 09/10/2022 09:25

I recently got told "I don't love you anymore" . It's the most devastating sentence I have ever heard. Also it sounds like you DO love him. Certainly you love him enough to post on a public board trying to find a way to hurt him as little as possible. I think you should be absolutely honest and clear with him. Tell him you don't love him in the way you used to but you still feel love for him. I always used to think the person in the relationship who loved the most had all the power, it's not, it's the one that loves the least. He is the vulnerable one and will feel like he has been run over by a bus. So, my advice be absolutely truthful, but respectful of his vulnerability and dignity. If you can, talk, talk, talk, through your situation, and remember it takes two to make or break a relationship. If you can get to the point where you are both admitting fault in the relationship it will be easier to look back on. Nobody wants to be the one blamed for a relationship break up, but if the two of you acknowledge the good, the bad and the mistakes , then you can both take the burden and hopefully the good times don't get over written by the bad - or by arguments about the divorce. Good luck for both of your futures. x

Bestcatmum · 09/10/2022 09:38

There isn't a nice way of saying it. The very fact you are ending the marriage will be devastating so you may as well come right out with it.

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