To sell or not to sell

[Gempav]

Hello.
I am currently going through a divorce and really not sure whether to sell the house or not. I've done a list of pros and cons and it looks like selling would be a far more beneficial situation i.e more money, independence etc. Both my kids love our house so of course that very much comes into play and I tend to feel guilty about thinking about selling.
We would be staying in the area, they wouldn't have to change schools, would still see their friends etc.

I just wondered if anyone else has been in this situation and what they did as a result.

I also feel if I sell then my ex will have won...he's after alot of money which is another reason why it might come to me selling the house

Any thoughts would be fab, please be kind as this is a very stressful post to write x

What does your lawyer say?

If you can stay in the same area then I would seriously consider it, there is something to be said for a fresh start and a smaller place would be cheaper to run which is a consideration with energy prices as they are.

He feels either or would be fine although it's ultimately up to me and then there the battle for equity. However I agree with you fresh start, smaller place and less money to run are definitely the drivers for me

Depends on overall fair outcome and of course affordability

its not about winning or losing

too many women (imo) place too much emphasis on staying in the fmh when selling is a better overall option

kids move all the time for many reasons

I’d forget about terms like “winning”. The divorce process will give you both what your are entitled to. The starting point for which is ensuring your needs and your children’s needs are met.

For most people this means getting two homes where you can each live and the children can go to school, move easily between the homes and see friends/ keep up with hobbies.

They will value relationships more than bricks and mortar. Although people will often express fear of change by clinging to familiar surroundings. And of course no one actually wants the hassle of moving. But what they really care about is their family and friends.

Hi thank you for your responses I really needed to hear this as alot people feel I should fight for the house where really I would like to sell at some point, I want somewhere which is mine, so I am no longer finically tied to the ex and I can move on xx

I feel the same that as we are not moving areas my kids will still have family, friends stability etc and I feel this is really important .

The thought of having to seel through the divorce process stresses me out however I have dealt with worse.

@Gempav
Are you confident that you can find another home that is good enough for you and your children, and that you can afford on your own?

That is probably worth checking before agreeing to sell. But if the alternative is living somewhere jointly owned by the ex, then definitely having your own place, even if smaller, sounds more appealing!

The most important things ( imo) are getting a fair share - could be 50% could be more / less depending on circumstances

becoming financially independent to allow you to be in control of your life and more on

children will like any new house where mum ( and dad) can be happy and the children are well cared for. They can decorate a new house, make it feel theirs etc and as you’ll be happier that will flow through

the important points are to try to co parent well, be flexible in arranged with children, not uproot them from friends and schools etc. they are the important bits

I wanted to try and stay in the house but as of today I feel like we will sell. Clean break, fresh start, no ghosts of the past or imaging what could have beens. Plus whilst I can buy him out of the equity is evenly split in a couple of years I won't be able to afford long term maintenance

I think it is often better to start afresh in a new place. It can be hard on the kids to move somewhere smaller and with the amount of change it represents but if you can manage it, I think that clean break is better for the healing process.

I remember after my DB's ex walked out to be with her lover leaving my DB with their kids age 4 and 7, my DB stayed put. He found it really hard to move on and let go, and it caused problems when he eventually met someone new and his ex's influence was still quite strong in the home. Also his kids took a long time to accept that mummy wasnt coming back, and going to see her at her lover's home was their new normal.

A clear start may be just what you all need. No easy answers here tho.

@YankeeDad yes I could afford somewhere, it would be a lot smaller and probably on the other side of our town however the positives of doing this certainly out weigh the negatives.

Thank you all for your responses xx it's really helped me reflect on what I need and my own "life goals" rather than what I think I want.

I expect I will sell, this may happen sooner than planned and obviously the housing market and cost of living isn't great however I think....well this is the situation I find myself in now so I've just got to run with it xx

@isthistheendtakeabreath I feel that I am in that place not as well, it's taken 3 years after my hubby left, I was determined not to give up my childrens home, however I will still be very upset to leave and at the same time I feel at peace with the idea and notion of moving xx

have you taken into account costs of moving - esp stamp duty, conveyancing, moving costs - will all add up

Mine is all very recent - only a couple of weeks really - he left us. I can't imagine staying here now. This was the first home we bought together raised our children in. We had so many plans for it that are now gone.

@Cavvies luckily I am in a position where I could afford this with savings and help from my parents x

@isthistheendtakeabreath oh I'm so sorry to hear this, it must be all so raw for you . My situation was the same but a few years ago ...I promise you do pull through in time xx it's taken me 3 years to be reslilant enough to think about selling the house and deal with the shit that will come with it...xx

I hope it won't take 3 years for me - I'd like to aim for 18 months - 6 months to sort the divorce etc and then 12 months just finding somewhere new and where that will be. I'll be in a better position financially then too Albeit can't afford to stay anywhere near the area we live now so relocating to family is the best option