Emotionally destroyed and lost

[Honeybees222]

I don’t know where to begin or why I am writing this. I have never felt more lost or alone in truth. I have been with my husband for 15 years. We had our ups and downs and we’re not good with resolving conflict or communication. Throughout the years I made mistakes and there was tension about a number of issues. I knew things weren’t perfect but I never ever expected him to leave. We have young children.
Things came to a head and we decided he should move out for a bit to have some space. That was it. He completely shut down, said he has been unhappy for a long time and no longer loves me. He never came back. I won’t go into details about what happened but this caused me into deep trauma. I feel absolutely blindsided. Completely lost and devastated. I found out that there is a younger OW. He says it’s not to do with her and our relationship being toxic. Despite everything I have continued to beg and beg and said I would do anything but he is firm in his resolve and says it’s over. In Truth, I am terrified. I know he’s not ever coming back but I do not know how to move forward. I feel he has taken my past, present, future and very self and I have allowed him that.

I sit here writing this in tears. How am I supposed to be ok and move on? I am so scared. I don’t know how to be without him. I don’t know what to do.

Hello my love

i didn’t want to read and run. what you’re feeling is normal. It’s normal to want him back and to beg (better the devil you know right?) even if it was bad, it was your bad. The fact there’s another women is another tremendous blow (I’m there in my situation too) and whilst this is an unbelievably scary time in your life (into the unknown) you will muster courage and strength you never knew you had.

once you find your feet, get some free legal advice, talk to friends on to free charities for advice. He’s moved on and crazy times are ahead (it’s scary I know) but you can do this. I promise you.

So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Time is a healer and each day is bringing you closer to a happier place even if you can't possibly believe that that's true right now.

Have you got friends and family you can keep busy with? Get some good R&R or find a new hobby that might take your mind off things? You will eventually get there.

Sending you love x

You will survive this you will.
take each day at a time do not beg him just don’t.
find something that you like to do.

do you have family friends do you work

Hi OP, how are you feeling?

Didn’t want to read and run. Everything will feel too much at this point. The biggest thing is that you look after yourself. Do everything you can to eat and drink well and get sleep-even if that means a visit to the doctor to help. You need to look after your physical health so you can deal with what is to come. If you’re in the fortunate position to see a counsellor/therapist do this too. Take care, you will survive this and you will start to see all the reasons why this could be the best thing for you too-unimaginable as that sounds right now.

Honeybees,

It doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you have been liberated. I know how crushingly cruel it feels, but you have strength that you didn't know you had. Find your anger when you're ready. I know you must feel robbed of your life and your future, but perhaps you can find a happier, nore secure life ahead. I have come to realise with time that the person who is always going to support me and be there for me is me. You need to grieve but then start to claw your strength back. Call on family, friends or ring helplines if you need to, but you have to create a sanctuary for yourself to get through this process and detach from him and the relationship you previously had.

You need to think about what you want to do about coparenting, how you are going to support your children and how you are going to take care of yourself so that you can look after them. It won't feel like it right now but you have lots to look forward to. I say this as someone who suffered massive loss in November 2021 and I never thought that I would be able to say that it does get better. Not immediately of course, but you can and will adapt.

Take every day as a new day, you have got this.

OP I could have written this. Currently happening to me too :(

How are you doing? Xx

Thanks so much for your messages and support. I have never felt so alone. To be honest I don’t remember a time I felt happy without pain and hurt. I am heartbroken. I just can’t move forward. I go through moments of the darkest thoughts being the answer to stop the pain. So stuck in being unable to accept this and the devastation it will cause. It’s like I want to wake up from a nightmare. I am frightened of the process, the emotions and the future. I don’t know who I am or what I am worth and struggling to see any light. I am trying but just can’t. I am having therapy and on medication but feel I am to blame in all of this. I have failed to keep my family together and so am being punished. I am sorry to rant.

I could have written pretty much the same as the OP this morning.
Every other Friday I say goodbye to my boy as he goes back to his mums for the week. The Saturday morning I wake up in an empty house and cry nearly all the morning.
I think its about understanding and managing your mind. We don't have control over how we feel through this divorce and separation and that lack of control can be frightening. I'm learning to deal with it. One day I feel empowerd and looking forward to the future, the next im a wreck. What I've found happening is that little by little, chinks of light come through the darkness and they seem to be getting more frequent.
I'm on the way to reaching a financial settlement for the divorce and I really feel like once that is done it will provide a huge release.
Tips to nudge your body and brain in the right direction that are working for me:

• eating properly and making proper meals from raw ingredients
• taking pride in my appearance and that of my house, I'm keeping it spotlessly clean.
• hard cv exercise each day, I mean hard, like a 5k run at ur top pace.
• keeping absolutely on top of everything, e.g. work, paying bills, washing, all that shit that can stress you out.

You need to give yourself things to be proud of, maybe a bit silly but when I get to the end of the day and I say to myself... your cool, uve eaten well, done a top run, looked after your health and all ur affairs are in order, it seems to temper some of the self loathing and regret.

One thing I don't do is take medication, I tried for a bit. Whether or not it was working I don't know, but I felt my self esteem was damaged by the concept of needing a pill to survive. Stopping it gave me a boost and its another one of my pride things..... look, I'm dealing with all this shit and I'm clean and sober and not on prescription meds.... it all adds up.

Not that I mean to criticise anyone for using them, that's just my take on it.

As a final motivational soundbite or whatever u wanna call it, remember who you are and remember that YOU are still alive. There's nothing wrong with YOU, its the pile of shit on top of you that is the problem.