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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Advice on trying again after separation

4 replies

Wanthappiness · 16/08/2022 16:08

I asked my husband for a divorce in January this year. I lost a parent recently and it put things in perspective. I had been unhappy for a long time and had tried a few times to talk to DH about this but is never got resolved. In the last few years we have defaulted to a housemate relationship really and it was making me really lonely, I craved affection and connection. I suggested counselling but he refused until I said a few months after that I wanted a divorce - then he said he would give it a try . I just didn’t have it in me - I had emotionally checked out a few years before and his lack of support or interest in me had made me resent him. I have been left to do pretty much everything in our life and for our two DDs. We have now been separated for nearly 6 months, I don’t really miss him apart from the practical things but I do miss being part of a family and I know my girls are finding it hard. He is also really struggling as without us he doesn’t really have a lot. He never had any interests outside us. I am now considering if I should give the marriage another go, wondering if I could try a bit harder to make it work, I am at the point where my mind is exhausted of everything I keep thinking about and almost just want things to go back to being normal (and boring) is there anyone who has been though a similar thing and gone back - wondering how it was? He has never says he loves me as I don’t think emotional he can but I do know deep down he does, I am just worried that he won’t change and in a few years I will be back to square one ! He moved into a rental property so we have been living separately and haven’t really seen much of each other .

OP posts:
Flerp · 16/08/2022 18:25

You resented him, you checked out and he hasn't been doing much for your children. That hasn't changed.

You've gone through a very turbulent time and your mind will reach out for an easy, but not necessairily correct fix.

You've put your kids through it once, don't do it it again and try to move on for everyone.

Good luck

Sisiwawa · 17/08/2022 01:26

6 months is still early days, you're all getting used to the changes.
It doesn't sound like either of your hearts would really be in it and you'd quickly slip back to the old, boring 'checked out' routine. I think you'd regret not sticking this out!
I could have written this word for word, except my husband is moving out v soon, I know deep down we'll never work again as a couple. I don't want someone who doesn't even want to try and fix it and keep our little family together.
Make a list of all the reasons why you were unhappy and why you split, and look over it during weak moments to remind yourself! X

Wanthappiness · 17/08/2022 15:14

Thank you that is wise words, my mind is looking for an easy option I think as it is exhausted! I know putting the kids through it again would be hard but I did think at least they would know I tried everything ! Thanks for your reply..

OP posts:
Wanthappiness · 17/08/2022 15:17

That is a really good idea to remind myself when things get tough! He does want to try again but isn’t really promising much and certainly doesn’t seem to be fighting for us! I know it is best deep down - I was so relieved when he moved out, hope your situation goes ok - it is such a sad time for everyone! Thanks for your reply..

OP posts:
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