Meeting NRP partner

[SallyAnn32]

Hi,

At what point would you (if ever) like to meet an ex's partner who would be spending time with your child? My DD (8) spends time with her Dad and his GF. DD's opinion on his GF varies from visit to visit but I have no major concerns.

Ex has met my DP several times, once before he moved in and a few times since. The initial meeting was at his request and I obliged because I understood and respected why he wanted to meet the man who would be living with his children. I've asked to meet his GF and he's always said no. I don't want to push it and create an issue but this woman spends a lot of time with DD and given ex's wish to meet my DP I only feel it's fair.

AIBU?

Why do you want to?
whet happens if you don’t like her/ dont get along ?
In an ideal world I can see why you would want to. It in reality what would it change ?

@millymollymoomoo I don't really know. I'd just like to meet the person who has an involvement in my daughters life. I have no idea what I would say to her or what I would want out of it. My opinion of whether I like her is irrelevant but I'd like to meet her. Although some days I'm not bothered about it.

Maybe she doesn’t want to meet you.

@tinydancer88 perhaps. She did have an affair with my ex and has been less than mind to me but I think it's important for our DD to see us being civil. I think this is a reason she stays away when she's there.

Plus my ex demanded to meet my DP so it's a shame the same can't be reciprocated.

I hold no grudge against her because I cba. I just want my DD to be happy and cared for.

Less than kind

She's avoiding you because she had an affair with your ex I assume!

In an ideal world you’re right
yiu could all meet, get along and everything be rosy
but what if you don’t like her? Will it taint your view of kids going? Will it annoy you when they do? Will you turn a blind eye?

can you try a few short meets / ‘hellos’/ quick coffees rather than a formal meet and greet ? Would that be possible?

Your ex had no right to insist he met your DP, that was up to your DP as much as him or you. Tbh most people resist the idea of being vetted like this.

You’re right, he’s being a hypocrite but his partner has the same right to refuse as your partner did and she’s exercising it.

The complicated history makes her even less likely to want to officially meet you, imagine the things he must have told her about you while they were having the affair and since.

As long as she was kind to my DD, my opinion would stay out of it. It's irrelevant to my DD.

I didn't think about the issue of what ex had said to her about me. Good point!!

It would just be nice to have a quick hello. I wouldn't want a chat over coffee. That would be less than hellish but just to say hello at the door and meet her that way. It could be good for DD too.