Ex wants children more now he’s seen financial settlement offer—advice please!

[Unfortunatevents]

As the title suggest… arrangements for the children have been agreed, in place and working for the last year. Ex made initial financial settlement offer with current arrangements agreed. However, after receiving my return offer he now wants to up his time with them. I do not think the two things are a coincidence. He has also asked for the additional time via email rather than through solicitors. Have other people found this and how did you respond? I don’t want them to be there more in term time as he moved an 45 minutes away and it means they would be going backwards and forwards between the two houses whereas at the moment there are blocks of overnight stays, which I think is better for consistency in routine and expectations. I am not so bothered during school hols as everything is a bit more relaxed then. Wondering how best to respond or would welcome any advice of others experience of similar….

...and tbh if ex didn't do 50/50 pre separation why the sudden desire to do so.
That's what got me. Couldn't be arsed to pull their weight with kids before. Hadn't got their life set up to deal with kids where as in my case my whole life revolved around them. Yet suddenly wants 50/50 (because its cheaper for them in settlement.. in their head of course!).
If it's a genuine desire to see their own kids as much as possible then they'd be putting their life into a position to do so. You can't do both.
Sadly it's hard for them to admit that in reality they haven't been parenting equally.

Because the current arrangements have been in place for the last year. Sticking to the current arrangement is by definition not "disruptive".

And he doesn't have a "right" to 50/50 (nor does OP have a "right" to 80/20 as at present). The people with rights here are the children and if OP and her ex can't agree then the question will be what is in their best interests under all the circumstances.

We were advised to trial it.
I think the mediator knew my ex wouldn't manage it and back down before we did the consent order and decree absolute. She was right (but obviously she sees loads of people!).
In our case it was already clear I was the main carer due to my work patterns and other things. So it wouldn't have stood up anywhere.

If you cave into his requirement, make sure he knows that on school holidays, he's responsible for the childcare from 9am and not just after school.

I agree with you that Thursday to Monday or Friday to Tuesday EOW is much more reasonable for the kids.

It sounds like you need to go to mediation and get a Child Arrangement Order to stop this happening in future. He will have a right to take you to court for adjustments but he won't be able to unilaterally change things.

Yes
This summer has been a huge shock for my ex
'Whats holiday club?' Lol
Despite loads of warning from me managed to leave it too late to get the youngest into it. Then panicked as didn't have leave and important meetings planned. Got very angry when discovered I couldnt drop everything (my work) to cover.
As I said. The reality will hit.
Another thing you could do is map it all out on Google calendar. The childcare commitments then become very clear to see.
And yes this is in the best interests of DC. Because the desire comes from denying you a financial settlement, not seeing them more.

Completely agree.

He wants to do this because in his mind, more nights equals smaller payments. And just to you, that's correct - but it doesn't mean fewer overheads, does it. He hasn't quite understood that childcare costs more than child support does, and on 'his' days, that bill, and admin, is his responsibility and not yours.

I would speak to your solicitor and employ the suggested comments above about the disruption to your children’s sleep and so forth. It is odd he wants to have the children Tuesday night rather Monday. That it will be disruptive for them, not to mention incredibly tricky for secondary school. My gut feeling is that he’s decided 3 hours driving on a Monday is too much for him so is doing what suits him. Either that or he does something on Mondays. In any case, Monday night with you and then Tuesday at his sounds like is in his best interest rather than that of your DC’s and perhaps this is an argument you could use.

I ve not read all the posts but its sad that people are treating his request for more time with his kids as an annoyance.
As for his motivations being linked to finances, I don't know but men go through an emotional roller coaster during divorce as well, and can quite easily spontaneously realise 'shit, I want to see the kids more.

The current and proposed arrangements seem a bit bitty and possibly disruptive to a stress free life.

Why don't you go for a simple one week on, one week off arrangement? Say Friday to Friday at each home? Both parents get maximised quality of time with the kids and they get the continuity of staying in each house for as long a time as possible.