in need of some urgent advice please - I’m so worried!
DH and I are going separate ways. Have been living in seperate bedrooms/seperate lives for 2 years and it’s been awful. He is a classic narcissist. House has been sold and we are due to complete end of September.
We decided not to battle it out with solicitors as we both agreed it’s money wasted and money we don’t have. We tried mediation but that didn’t make much difference. We ended up verbally agreeing who would get what share on the house with me getting slightly more because I only work part time (have autistic teenager so need to be around) He also agreed he would give me £250 child maintenance every month (not great but he is self employed so he is playing the poverty card) We agreed at the time, about a month ago that we would get all this drawn up with a solicitor before we complete on the sale of the house just so that we have it in writing.
Yesterday DH dropped a huge bombshell on me! Whilst discussing that we need to see a solicitor asap to get everything financial in writing, I said “yes because I want it in writing that you are going to be giving me that £250 a month for the kids” he turned round and said “I’m not giving you any child maintenance because I’m having 50/50 childcare therefore I don’t need to” I never agreed to 50/50, in fact I made it very clear it would be more like 2-3 days with him. He has completely made this up and I feel like I’ve been gas lighted!
The worse bit is I have had an offer accepted on a 2 bed maisonette (based on the money I thought I was going to have) and already I was going to have to make huge lifestyles changes with his £250 contribution included. But now that he’s saying he’s not giving me any there is no way I can afford to pay a mortgage and live without his help.
I don’t want to take the house off the market because my mental health is suffering and I literally cannot continue living like this. I need out! He is such an angry person.
So my understanding is that I can arrange for a divorce solicitor to look after the house money in a trust once we complete next month, until we reach a financial settlement?
This going to cost £££’s I know if it means it has to go to court but what choice do I have. He is going to go mad when I tell him that this is what I plan to do because he also had an offer accepted on a place he wants to buy So we will both lose our flats we want to buy.
The house is in my name so at least I have some control as it means the money will be paid into my bank account and he can’t do anything stupid.
i go on holiday on Monday and I was thinking of leaving 2 pieces of paper on his desk outlining the 2 different options (either he does the right thing and agrees to pay me child maintenance like he’d agreed or we lose our houses and let courts sort out our fate) I’m hoping he will see sense whilst I’m away and back down. If he doesn’t then I will need to call solicitor as soon as I get back.
Am I doing the right thing?