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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex has turned son's head and son has decided to live with his dad!

44 replies

emlutomsmum · 04/08/2022 10:57

And there is nothing I can do as ds is 14!

My ex has been messing my son around (my daughters are not to bothered by my ex's games) for months now. First of all, when we split he kicked our then12 year old onto the sofa so he could have his bedroom (ex wanted to preserve his back!). I then asked him to respectfully move out as I wanted a sex life 😊(i had started dating) so my ex moved in with his girlfriend. We shared joint custody and ds and my youngest daughter (17) went to their dad's most weekends until just after last Christmas when ex decided that DS was getting under his feet and arguing too much with his girlfriends children etc etc so told me that he no longer wanted our son around and would have him as and when. My son struggled with this and since my ex has just had him on the odd occasion until schools broke the other week.

OMG - my son went to his dad's on the Friday (my son had been messing me around with regards to school so he got both barrels on the Thursday night, plus he doesn't like my boyfriend who backs me up to the hilt over son's behaviour as K has seen that boy has been running rings around me), anyway, I got a text from my son last Wednesday (obviously written by my ex) saying that he is very happy at his dads and is now living there full time. Followed by an email from my ex confirming that he is changing our son's school etc etc.

I'm still in shock, my son is now refusing to text me back when I text him or pick up my calls, and as I said, because he is 14 there is nothing I can do. My solicitor has advised me to just go with it, no matter how hard.

My solicitor has said all along that my ex wants to see me desperate, broken and ruined even though he's the one that called time on our 21 yr marriage. He wanted a slimmer, sexier wife so I decided to do it for me not him!

I know I have rambled but just wanted to get this off my chest. It's the pure nastiness of my ex that has shocked me - he's gone even further deeper than I would have ever thought.

On here, I know we all have different experiences of divorce/separation but I never expected mine to get like this.

OP posts:
bg21 · 05/08/2022 21:38

So it's all your ex fault even though you put your sex life before your child ?

lunar1 · 05/08/2022 21:42

Why on earth is you boyfriend getting involved in your parenting?

Voice0fReason · 05/08/2022 23:37

You're blaming your ex for this without considering that it might be you and your bf who are the reason why he has left.
It does seem like his needs have been the lowest priority

Inthesameboatatmo · 07/08/2022 13:47

You there op 👋

StillHappy · 07/08/2022 13:49

You kicked your ex out of his home so you could bring in men to have sex with, but he’s the unreasonable one here?

Right you are…

StillHappy · 07/08/2022 13:51

heavyistheheed · 04/08/2022 11:14

Ehhhh from your sons point of view you kicked his dad out so you could have your new guy round to have sex with.

I'm not saying it's that simple but from your sons POV it might be

Seems pretty simple to me.

NC12345665 · 07/08/2022 13:51
Confused

Give your head a wobble, op. Prioritise your child not your dick of the month. Boyfriends get NO say in how you parent.

NC12345665 · 07/08/2022 13:52

Something tells me op won't be coming back though..

Quartz2208 · 07/08/2022 13:53

I agree with PP - the fact that you seem to say that your boyfriend has questioned your parenting and you have changed.

This isnt all your exes fault

Jowatki79 · 08/08/2022 18:14

I had a breakdown 3 years ago and suffered with panic disorder and suicide attempts. I developed a dependency on alcohol to dull out the intrusive thoughts. This led to the breakdown of my marriage and he eventually divorced me. The worst part is that the court awarded custody of my daughter to him and I only get to see her supervised once every two weeks. I am doing so much better now but he still won’t let me see her more. I have no support in this and I’m overwhelmed by sadness and hopelessness. Can anyone relate?

MichelleScarn · 08/08/2022 20:07

@Jowatki79 sorry to read this, you'd get more relevant response starting your own thread.

bellac11 · 08/08/2022 20:14

Sounds like a lonely lost boy

Both parents appear to prioritise their respective relationships over him.

BetterFuture1985 · 11/08/2022 12:11

Trying to work out whether this is a reverse or if the OP is completely unaware of her overwhelming hypocrisy?

First of all, when we split he kicked our then 12 year old onto the sofa so he could have his bedroom (ex wanted to preserve his back!)

So where was the OP sleeping then, in a tent in the garden? If the husband was in the wrong for taking the son's bedroom, why then was the wife not also in the wrong for refusing to give up hers? It's six of one and half dozen of the other.

I then asked him to respectfully move out as I wanted a sex life

That's nice. Husband was under no legal obligation to do so yet moved out anyway. Wife continues to criticise.

My son had been messing me around with regards to school so he got both barrels on the Thursday night, plus he doesn't like my boyfriend who backs me up to the hilt over son's behaviour

Because a 12 year old boy is really going to care what your latest boyfriend thinks.... How long has this guy been squatting in the FMH anyway, less than a year? No self respecting male of any age has any interest in what some cock lodger thinks, sorry!

I know I have rambled but just wanted to get this off my chest. It's the pure nastiness of my ex that has shocked me - he's gone even further deeper than I would have ever thought.

Can't say I really like the husband or the wife in this situation. The only good news is that they're divorcing. The bad news is they're both using a 12 year old boy to get back at one another which is disgusting.

millymollymoomoo · 11/08/2022 14:47

Agree with betterfuture!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 02:04

Neither of you come out well, tbh. Why do you keep mentioning random things like your sex life, and that you’ve got slim? Is this a reverse?

poor kids

Milesty1 · 05/12/2022 02:11

agree with PP about your boyfriend - he should be remaining neutral and not getting involved. Why do you need ‘back up’ anyway?? Not trying to be horrible but I can understand why your son was swayed in that case. Hope he will be back soon but please rethink your boyfriend’s involvement with your son and how you would have felt as a 14 year old kid being told off by your dad’s girlfriend.

Randomperson99 · 05/12/2022 12:18

emlutomsmum · 04/08/2022 10:57

And there is nothing I can do as ds is 14!

My ex has been messing my son around (my daughters are not to bothered by my ex's games) for months now. First of all, when we split he kicked our then12 year old onto the sofa so he could have his bedroom (ex wanted to preserve his back!). I then asked him to respectfully move out as I wanted a sex life 😊(i had started dating) so my ex moved in with his girlfriend. We shared joint custody and ds and my youngest daughter (17) went to their dad's most weekends until just after last Christmas when ex decided that DS was getting under his feet and arguing too much with his girlfriends children etc etc so told me that he no longer wanted our son around and would have him as and when. My son struggled with this and since my ex has just had him on the odd occasion until schools broke the other week.

OMG - my son went to his dad's on the Friday (my son had been messing me around with regards to school so he got both barrels on the Thursday night, plus he doesn't like my boyfriend who backs me up to the hilt over son's behaviour as K has seen that boy has been running rings around me), anyway, I got a text from my son last Wednesday (obviously written by my ex) saying that he is very happy at his dads and is now living there full time. Followed by an email from my ex confirming that he is changing our son's school etc etc.

I'm still in shock, my son is now refusing to text me back when I text him or pick up my calls, and as I said, because he is 14 there is nothing I can do. My solicitor has advised me to just go with it, no matter how hard.

My solicitor has said all along that my ex wants to see me desperate, broken and ruined even though he's the one that called time on our 21 yr marriage. He wanted a slimmer, sexier wife so I decided to do it for me not him!

I know I have rambled but just wanted to get this off my chest. It's the pure nastiness of my ex that has shocked me - he's gone even further deeper than I would have ever thought.

On here, I know we all have different experiences of divorce/separation but I never expected mine to get like this.

Whenever someone posts on here, we have to remember there is the other side of the story (husband in this case) we don't hear.

You seem crazy and nasty. Let son choose.

ValleysGirl72 · 09/12/2022 14:34

In the eyes of the court, children as young as 12 can decide which parent they choose to live with

Hevyd · 14/06/2023 09:24

Hi I'm going through a similar situation, please can I have an update on what happened

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