University costs when settlement only covers up to age 18

[Thedogisdrivingmemad]

Hi,

Our financial settlement only covers up until dc is 18 and finishes school; I wish I had pushed to cover the split of university costs for dc but I did not focus on that at the time of the divorce.
As background:
Exh has paid school fees post-divorce - these obviously stop next year - and he provides the CSA maximum level of monthly payment for child maintenance to me which ends when dc is 18/ leaves school.

I would not and do not expect ex to fund me or my lifestyle at this stage in any way.

Ex is a very high earner. For perspective he earns approx five times the amount I do. I am doing ok and am not complaining but losing the child maintenance and paying towards dc costs would be noticeable for me especially as I am paying household bills on one income with no partner. Paying more would not have any impact really for ex with his sizeable post tax monthly income but similar costs.

Dc will get the capped loan of course so we are probably looking at a total of 5/6k that needs topping up.

How does this work? Do parents renegotiate at this stage - formally or informally?
Are costs normally split 50:50 or in proportion to income?

Then you have a conversation with him and see what he's able to provide/sort. The contract you'd agreed is coming to a close.

If you're just looking to provide support dressed up in your name from his cash then you may as well be honest with all parties.

At 18 years old your child is an adult.

If your ex wants to help your child out then great, if not, then that's a shame but he's in no way obligated to.

Often parents pay directly to child, however they agree

some Parents will fund, others wont

youll have to broach the subject with him and see

Categorically not looking to dress up support in my name or anything else sneaky. Happy for money to go straight to dc and was going to suggest that to ex anyway.
Just trying to work out what is fair and normal given the very large discrepancy in disposable income and the precedent of what we did with school fees (not a legal precedent of course).

Adults now. Its between your ex and the child to decide. There is no precedent - a subjective sense of fairness certainly.

Only cautioned against seeking some other arrangement as he would very likely tell your children your mum is making me do this rather than helping you out directly, putting conflict between you all.

If he decides to cut them off immediately after paying all this time than paying direct, similarly you could explain the same to them, but again hope that wouldn't be the case.

You mean help his child out, which he may not be legally obliged to, but morally indeed he is.

Speak to him and your child and see what they both want. Perhaps your child could live with their father during university years? If they remain living with you, and you are on a low income then they would be eligible for the max loan. Its household income that is taken into account.

The Student Loan is assessed on one parent’s salary alone if they are divorced / separated.

In your shoes I think I would find out how much loan your Dc will get based on your salary and then use this as a starting point for a duscussion with your ex.

Look up how much halls typically cost at your DC’s preferred Uni.

Ask how he sees the two of you continuing to support your Dc as a student, and what he thinks is reasonable.

Amongst people I know only total arsehole Dads refuse any support for Uni, if they can afford it.

We had similar scenario but my dp is the ex husband.
He pays for all uni costs by paying accommodation and then the maintenance amount he paid to ex wife goes straight to dsd.
His ex was unhappy about this but as dsd lives with us 80% of the time, and so we absorb most of the costs of an extra person in uni holidays I am not overly sympathetic.
My dp discussed it with dsd and ex for several months prior to maintenance ending

The top up requirement isn't £5k or £6k. It'll be less than that. Maximum will be £4,500 and that's assuming you earn £65k a year.

Just to be clear, there is no question of exh refusing to pay half. He would not do so.
I am pre-empting the very likely suggestion from him that we should pay 50:50 given the income discrepancy and the fact ds will probably spend more of the long holidays with me.

You need to have an adult conversation, ideally in person about supporting your joint dc at university. It's common for separated parents to support the young person directly rather than via the resident parent, but in my case my exh pays me support and I fund the dc.

He may be expecting this and have no issues, ideally he will offer a small amount to you to maintain a home for them whilst at university.

My exh gives me £800 a month as an example ... high earner

It all depends what you have negotiated and you can’t go back now anyway.
At this point - it’s between your kids - their father. Have they tried to have a conversation about it?
The father may be a lot more open if it comes from their child and is arranged between them, bypassing you.
Whatever he decides to pay will help you indirectly anyway, as you won’t then have to top up your kid’s loan.