Earning Capacity affected by drug misuse

[AnnoyedAsHell9]

Hi
I feel annoyed, yes I'm seeking validation of feeling annoyed. Yes I'm venting.

stbxh and i have started discussing financials and the expected % split. Its amicable enough that we had a conversation and no need for solicitors at this stage.
What i'm annoyed about is that it looks as though i could end up with less than 50% as his earning capacity is considerably lower than mine. So while i've worked either FT or PT plus studying to increase my earnings over the past 15/20 years, he has not bothered to do so. I put that down to drug abuse. he has had spells of not working and that was absolutely by choice rather than inability or having to look after kids, despite us having multiple conversations about the need for him to earn for us to pay bills. Over the years I put even more effort into finding and maintaining better paying work to compensate at the same time as supporting his efforts (or lack of).

I get that without dependent children, there should be an equitable outcome, but it just really sticks in my throat that it feels like he gets rewarded and me penalized because of his crappy actions and choices.

Has anyone else been in this situation? how did it work out? Do i just have to suck it up, deal with it and move on?

Thanks - appreciate the space to vent :-(

I had this. Not the drugs but my ex husband never has had a permanent job. He suggested I migjt even have to pay spousal maintenance. We do have children. I went to solicitors and was advised that for him to get more than 50 /50 he would have to prove he's been looking for work as in have proof of jib rejections etc.

This is how most men feel im afraid

do you have children? If not then you can argue that he has not been disadvantaged by marriage and try to claim at least 50:50

Thanks both. There are children but they are both at Uni. I've always done the majority of the heavy lifting with them so it can never be claimed that there was a decision not to work to be a SAHD. We shared drop offs and pick ups when they were younger. In fact i was the one who worked P/T for a while.
It just kicks. All i've suggested is a 50/50, i'm not out to do anything but that. Why should i be in a worse position because someone couldn't be bothered to get off their backside!
Has anyone has been through it/seen a judge take these things into account?

I do remember a post a little while back where it was the Husband feeling hard done by as the wife didn't "want" to work.

I feel your pain.
In my case I earned more than my husband throughout our married life. We have one daughter of 12 (with some Sen, maturity wise is more like 8) who I did most childcare for on top of working. Had we split for normal reasons I would have accepted that all is shared in marriage and would have taken a 50:50 split

However, what happened was my husband committed a crime, as a result of which he is now banned from his profession, and can only have supervised contact with our daughter. The police knocking on the door ended the marriage over night.

We had mediation and agreed a 60:40 split of assets in my favour to take into account that I am the sole carer for my child and that my husband was the author of his own downfall.

My solicitor drew up the consent order using the mediation documentation. My ex is now not signing it as his father, who he lives with, won't let him. We had another agreement last year that his father also wouldnt let him sign.

I am just so fed up and don't know where to go next. I can't pay my solicitor any more money as he wants paying in advance but until my house is sold I have no money. I've spent what savings I had on the divorce costs, mediation costs and two failed consent orders.

No advice. Just wanted you to know you are not alone feeling like this

@mpsssm That sounds horrific for you, i'm so sorry he is putting you and your daughter through that.
There are some solicitors that will wait to get paid until assets are sold, lots of good links from the lovely people on here I'm sure.
The costs of dealing with these situations are so prohibitive!

I got taken to the cleaners by my abusive exH. He had also forged my signature on loans and left me to pay everything back. There was nothing I could do about it. He never paid a penny in child support.

I hope he dies a slow and painful death.