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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Failed mediation

23 replies

Bonkerz · 30/07/2022 10:04

Failed mediation yesterday. Looks like we are going to court for the financial park of our divorce.
It's so frustrating because I suspect this will mean ££££££ wasted but I can't give stbxh any more money and he's not prepared to negotiate past him getting majority share.
We aren't talking about a huge amount of money here. What's in the ring is £120k house and £56k pension.
I've asked for 70% of house and I walk away.
He wants 60% of house and to give me £10k pension.
I'm fighting for the house because it's my kids home (mortgage free) and my workplace (18 year career)

OP posts:

Fuuuuuckit · 30/07/2022 10:12

Is the £56k pension the true value?

I'd be double checking the CETV as it could be worth waaaaaay more....

DenholmElliot1 · 30/07/2022 10:16

The pension sounds small. Can I ask how old he is?

Have you made sure that you can get a mortgage for £40k to buy him out? Also, have you checked whether you can get a mortgage for £60k so that you go 50/50 on the house if you DO have to.

DenholmElliot1 · 30/07/2022 10:17

Also, how old are the kids?

Original poster

Bonkerz · 30/07/2022 11:28

Marriage 17 years.
Children still at home 22, 16, 11 (older 2 disabled hence eldest is not independent)

I've had a mortgage of £40k agreed but can't get more as based on caters allowance and very low wage (£6k).

£56k declared by his lawyers.

He is 52

OP posts:

Fuuuuuckit · 30/07/2022 11:49

There is soooo much else to consider here op.

What are both your salaries?
Are you 'maximising your income' (I appreciate this will be difficult if your dc needs care, but is stbx in agreement that your current earning potential is limited by the care needs?)
The dc needs - what is the very long term plan for their needs? Are you agreed on this? Having disabled dc complicates things somewhat but there is such a wide range of disbility; is there no option/potential for them to be supported outside the home, eventually?

Fuuuuuckit · 30/07/2022 11:50

A £56k total pension pot is ridiculously low op, for someone who can be 'retired' for 25 years, that's £2k a year.... I'd get that checked.

DenholmElliot1 · 30/07/2022 12:15

I think if you ask for a CETV for the pension there will probably be a 2 in front of it lol

RandomMess · 30/07/2022 12:17

So you continue to house the older DC potentially forever but he wants the majority share. Real charmer isn't he

Original poster

Bonkerz · 30/07/2022 15:24

He accepts my earning potential won't change. I can't earn more while I'm a carer and I can't get a more full time employed job because of how much the DCs need me. It's been this way for 18 years so he cannot dispute this. We did discuss him taking a more 50/50 parenting role so I can work more and he agreed it's not possible.

Honestly the pension doesn't concern me, rightly or wrongly I will walk away from that to save my children having to leave their home and me having to lose the job I love that tops up my income.

I guess I'm hoping a judge will agree I'm not being unreasonable or trying to take too much.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 30/07/2022 15:29

You need the CETV valuation for the courts anyway.

He doesn't want to parent 50:50 nor does he want his DC looked after

BeenThereBoughtTheTeeShirt · 30/07/2022 15:38

Has he asked for more now? I thought he wanted 50% in seven year's time?

Original poster

Bonkerz · 30/07/2022 16:10

He wants to sell now and wants 50% and give me £10k pension

OP posts:

AbbieLexie · 30/07/2022 16:16

Do not agree to anything. SHL and take him for everything you and the children are entitled to. Please learn from my mistakes.

RandomMess · 30/07/2022 16:37

So yep he wants you to have less than him when you have far less purchasing potential due to income, no or little pension and oh yes 3 of his dependent DC to look after.

The court would be highly likely to approve such an unfair order. I think he is trying to bully you pure and simple.

DenholmElliot1 · 30/07/2022 16:59

I think the judge is likely to award 50/50 of both the house and the pension. By the time this gets to court only one of your children will be dependent. You say the other two are disabled - can they live independantly in supported living or do they need care (ie, you) 24 hours a day. Who cares for them whilst you work?

Original poster

Bonkerz · 30/07/2022 17:49

One is at college and one works BUT I have to be able to drop everything at a minutes notice to be there for them which is why I earn low because I have to have someone working with me and pay them.
Eldest may be looking to move with assistance in 2 years and middle is looking at being home till atleast 24 due to education (not uni and has ehcp)

OP posts:

SareBear87 · 02/08/2022 15:37

OP do not take that pension value or sign anything. He is being extremely unfair!

My exH told me his pension was only £50K, the CETV my solicitor was supplied showed actually the value was £250K. He has to prove values before a judge will agree. That also includes earning potential and bank accounts. The courts are shit hot on this now given the amount of women who pick family home for their children and then find themselves needing to work into their 70's due to being asset rich (family home) but cash poor (no pension). In the meantime the ex-husband keeps a large pension, continues with a career and buys another property.

He'll also need to provide you with child support payments if he's not prepared to parent 50/50.

It'll pay to see a solicitor, the upfront cost hurts but the long term gain is huge. Xx

Original poster

Bonkerz · 22/09/2022 11:03

So he's now given me 28 days to raise £50k or he puts the house up for sale.
Such a threatening letter from the solicitor.

Mortgage advisor is on the case but the 28 day deadline is an issue.

I think the worst part of it all is the kids know I'm super stressed trying to keep a roof over their head and are struggling with it all.

OP posts:

Audioslaw · 22/09/2022 11:14

Don't be bullied by him just take him to court and stay in the house in the mean time

justusandmoo · 22/09/2022 11:17

Do you have a court date?

titchy · 22/09/2022 11:20

Are you on the deeds? If not Make sure your home rights are registered with land registry. And when the estate agent comes round tell them you don't give permission for the house to be sold.

RandomMess · 22/09/2022 11:21

Well if he puts it on the market without your agreement you can refuse viewings etc.

Just tell the estate agent that you aren't willing to sell and it will be going to court. They won't take on the property without either you both agreeing or it being court ordered.

He's bullying you.

Original poster

Bonkerz · 23/09/2022 15:44

Thanks guys.

It is bullying isn't it.
I am on the deeds thanks to home rights thankfully.

It's now a waiting game while broker tries to achieve the mortgage.

My solicitor has told me to just let him lead now and if he pushes court she will insist he pays all costs as I am trying to sort the mortgage.

OP posts:

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