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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Child Arrangement Order

1 reply

Bee2418 · 28/07/2022 10:16

I split from my ex husband in July 2021. We have two boys aged 8 and 12. He initially asked for 50:50 to which I agreed, however later changed his mind to every other weekend. September to March involved a lot of missed nights and last minute changes. We attended mediation over April, May and June and came to an agreement. He would do every other weekend and have the boys on a Wednesday evening. He also requested, and I agreed, that if a bank holiday fell on his weekend he would have the boys for the bank holiday.

He now won't sign the mediation agreement, has made other plans for the August bank holiday Monday and so expects me to have the boys back on Sunday night and then wants to pick them up for dinner Monday evening. In the same conversation he also informed me he would be having the boys overnight on Wednesday from some undetermined point next year. I protested as he is not particularly consistent with the nights he already has. His response was that the only reason I wouldn't want him to have the extra night is because I would receive less maintenance. He is very bitter about having to pay maintenance.

I am at my wits end now as despite agreeing to his requests and attending mediation I am no closer to having anything in place that is consistent for our children or allows me to plan out my time with and without them. I am considering filing a C100 to enforce the arrangement we have made but am a bit terrified that he will decide to go back to 50:50 and I will loose out on seeing my children after being the only stable parent they have had for the past year. Looking for opinions on what to do next and advice from those who have gone to court to get a child arrangement order.

FYI my ex is in the Navy which impacts on how often he can have the children. I accommodate his working pattern, but its having to accommodate last minute changes due to his social life that I object to.

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 28/07/2022 16:59

If the children are with you most of the time then there is nothing you can do about their father's behaviour.

Even if you go to Court and get a Child Arrangements Order you won't be able to force their father into taking care of them when he doesn't want to.

A Child Arrangements Order is simply for you to make the children available for contact at the times specified, their father doesn't have to obey the order and there is nothing you can do about it.

In addition due to your eldest being 12 he can simply refuse to co-operate with both of you from the beginning. So you could both agree a mediation agreement or one of you can go to get a Child Arrangements Order based on it, but your eldest can turn around and say he only wants to see his father when he wants to. A reasonable judge will ask your eldest his views and take his lead on it if your eldest is coherent. Even if the judge doesn't if your son is physically big enough then neither of you will be able to force him to see his father (or even you) if he doesn't want to.

The 8 year old is at the point where his views will be taken into consideration. However once he gets to secondary school age then he can refuse to co-operate.

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