House division

[Annabel43]

Hello

when my husband and I bought our current house, we placed a 70/30 split on it as he put in the deposit. I had my own place worth much less. Our daughter was six months and I planned to go back to work. As time went on, we found parenting harder than anticipated so I stayed home. I was previously earning around £120k. I sold my house and put the money against our mortgage. It was less than he had laid down as a deposit.

We’ve started to fall apart. It’s quite awful. I suffer a lot from his anger. Not physically, just mentally. I need to leave but I’m on the floor from a confidence perspective. He had agreed to remove the restriction on the property ownership, but he’s recently backed down. He’s made it clear he’s only with me while my daughter is old enough to understand. When the time is right he’s leaving. I have made him live a life of misery and I’m mad to think he would choose to be with me - I am repeatedly told.

So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at the moment. He’s ploughed £3k a month in his pension since our daughter was born. I don’t have one. He’s pumped money into the mortgage - most of which will be his. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost everything.

Do I have any hope fighting for anything?

If you're in England, and married for a reasonable length of time, then all this "he-paid she-paid" doesn't count for all that much, and you're entitled to a reasonable share of assets including that pension and housing equity. But you are likely to need a good solicitor to get you that, particularly if you're not all that confident.

I just need help. I’ve lost myself completely. I can’t believe what’s happened to me. How on earth do I do this alone. I used to be so different. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I don’t think I could live like this. Im failing.

You’re going to be alright without this horrible man. One step at a time. Speak to a solicitor. Start divorce proceedings. And find someone to talk to about yoir dark feelings: friend, counsellor, family member. You will come out of this relationship and life will be worth living again. Just start putting one foot in front of the other.

Presume you own as tenants in common with shares held 70:30?

if so that doesn’t t matter as the house will be viewed as a marital asset and split based on a number of principles. You are focusing on this which is. Red herring ( assuming you’re in England/wales)
how old is your daughter now and are you working?

My daughter is 7. No, I’m not working. I’m living off my savings and money that he gives me.

And yes, tenants in common.

Can you go back to work? That will boost your self confidence and self esteem and start getting some control back

see a solicitor

take control

the house ownership is a red herring as said
it will be split according to needs, length of marriage , assets available, earning and future earning potential etc the fact his % is higher is not relevant

Thank you. Going back to work is an option but it will mean childcare as I don’t have family nearby. Am I best waiting for a divorce before going back? Financially, will the amount he needs to pay to support us change if I’m working?

we were both on the same pay when we got together. He’s now on £300k. Im on zilch, as a full time mum. He didn’t help with anything and I couldn’t cope with him, being a mum and working in a senior role.

Most likely You’ll be expected to return to work anyway, particularly as a previous high earner. You may get spousal as he’s a hugh earner but that is still likely to be only fairly short term in nature not forever

he’ll have to pay child maintenance and that is unaffected by your income

youre likely to see a higher share of assets to house your child and to compensate your lack of earnings but gone are the days when you can remain not working while your ex funds your life

see a solicitor

Thank you. I’ve made steps to contact a solicitor. I want to return to work because I want my daughter to see that women can work. They don’t need to be the doormat that I’ve turned into. I’m pretty certain I can go back in as a high earner. I just want to get the timing right. I appreciate your time in responding to my messages. Thank you.

Start with the idea you were married as equals. Split should be roughly 50:50.
Property, pensions, savings, investments etc
A solicitor will advise

That's sounds very difficult for you OP. I'm not surprised you are feeling that you've lost your confidence. It's going to be difficult sorting things out but it sounds like you need to do it. You might as well crack on with it.

I'm sure you will feel better in the future when you have divorced. Good luck.

So so sorry you are going through this. He sounds vile. You and your daughter will be so much better off without him. Yes, see a solicitor and start applying for jobs. Being a high earner gives you a lot of options when it comes to paying for childcare. Good luck

Thank you

Given your daughters age now is start applying for jobs, join some temp agencies etc. Housing split 50\50 given you're such high earners means you can both be housed easily as there is only one child to conside r. Crack on with a divorce, your self confidence will soon come back.