@MissyB1
Yes, this is what I have done and will do, I just feel if her mother could think about our daughter instead of herself for once things would be so much better for our daughter, I cannot imagine living without any emotional support as a
child and as a father my natural instinct is to protect her from this.
@Another2022
Yes, it's a very subtle form of abuse, ex being a solicitor has a mind wired for being able to never put herself in a position where you can blame her, she just says "I'm not doing anything" however if the child ran into a street and the parent did nothing everyone would say that’s neglect.
My ex never said thanks or hugged or even initiated a kiss in 20 years, and there are lots of instances where a normal person would have, these are big and small. Buying first class flights for her because she moaned about not being able to sleep. Flowers, filling her car on a rainy evening so in the morning she wouldn't have to, warming her car up before she went to work.
The first time I was hugged after the split I cried, because it felt good to have someone hug me, this was very telling for me.
There was another more recent incident, my mother died two years ago I told my son, who in turn told his mother as I wanted my daughter to know.
Surprise, Surprise nothing not a “oh, I’m sorry to hear that” not even to my son, my son said it was like he had not said it!
Since the divorce I have seen the person and mother she is and she only thinks of herself above even her children.
@TheLoupGarou
Angry is an understatement! Wouldn’t any parent feel this way if they saw someone is emotionally abusing their child! As was spotted by a professional during the case, in fact it was that that made the psychologist get involved, this was a slip up by my ex to someone who she thought had no weight in the case. The woman who saw total lack of empathy and emotional support to their daughter looked like she had seen a murder when she came back in to me. And all my ex did was complain about that person saying she was not supposed to comment just supervise. What an appalling attitude not to ask yourself “maybe I did something wrong” but instead try to silence that person or dismiss their opinion. I feel my ex is an emotional void and unfortunately my daughters defence to this is to become the same to protect her feelings. So yes “WTF” she had become an emotional vacuum, what would you call it?
The money is 100% regular, but when the only form of communication I get after sending a really nice message and telling her I am always there for her is "well buy this for me then at £118" you can imagine how it felt, how could I not give her what she asked for and not feel I was pushing her further away? But I didn’t, I said "OK maybe I can advance you your spending money" "Use what you have saved (£78) and I'll but the rest to it" and what I got back was “never mind”. Leaving me feeling like sh*t
The past is the past, but my ex is does not think that way she is determined to cut my out of her life as she does not want my daughter saying "dad says this".
It was stated in the psychologist report she was the controlling one not me, I feel that my ex believes if I am involved in my daughter’s life she will lose control and my daughter will start to have a mind of her own.
The ex point blank refuses any therapy even the one suggested by the psychiatrist as part of the court procedure
Just a point I had not thought of, why was my daughter even worried about the court case, she never attended etc? If my ex had been a good parent my daughter should have no real worries about it or even really known about it as she would have been emotionally supported during this period. I think this again proves my ex was putting the pressure on my daughter and using it as a lever. My daughter had thoughts of self-harm 12 months before the final hearing, my ex never told me!!! I knew nothing of it until the final hearing, how can any parent not tell the other parent how their daughter is feeling allowing the child suffer for a further 12 months just to benefit her case!!!
@Thornethorn
You might need to re-read my posts, in the first two years I was quiet regular, seeing her three times a week but only occasionally missing agreed visits and always letting them know. maybe just maybe me ex said "your dads not coming" instead of "your dad has to go and sort a new mortgage out but he said he will see you tomorrow instead, he says he's sorry but will make it up to you" but I'm sure you will say I she would have done that or it’s not her responsibility to. it's so easy for the primary parent to manipulate the situation and I have evidence she did.
Part of the final hearing and whilst talking to the psychologist my daughter stated several things that showed me my ex was manipulating the situation. Just one instance was when I took my daughter to wales for three days, everything went fine however it was first time my daughter had been away from her mother and I noticed on the second day she was a little apprehensive, we talked and I asked "would you prefer to return home instead of staying the second night" she said yes and the rest of the day went really well. I phone her mum and told her DD wanted to return home as she was home sick and everything was good.
Whilst talking to the psychologist my daughter said "we went away and my dad didn't want to be with me as he brought me home early" this is what my ex does, manipulate, but she knows there is absolutely no way she can get caught for it. She should have reminded my daughter what happened instead she chose to allow my daughter to believe I had not wanted to be with her!
No evidence hmmm, is a mother that wilfully does not inform the other parent that their daughter is having thoughts of self-harm for 12 months and the other parent only finding out because it was read out in court! Especially as my ex knew the moment I heard that I would stop as I did?
There is some simple fact that disproves any argument you have that I am anything other than quite calm and empathetic.
My ex wife asked me to leave on a Saturday and on the Sunday I left heart broken with just two bags and never went back, never shouted, the police where never called. Are these the actions of anything other than a calm person and a unusually thoughtful person? These are actions of a man that listened and even though it was killing him, did what the other person asked.
After the split she said if you don't give me the saving I can't afford to divorce you, I gave them her even though this is the last thing I wanted.
Year one, I mentioned "are you going abroad" she said "well we would have gone to Disney USA as we always did but I can't afford to“ with a sad look, I offered to pay for her and my daughter, but more importantly she actually took it without a thank you or a smile.
But trust me the list is endless however as always and I do understand why it's the man’s fault. I too have heard so many horrific stories and 90% of the time I felt it was the man to blame.
@WhatNoRaisins
Yes I have resigned myself to this, however to feel your daughter has no real emotional support in her life is hard, especially as a teenager.
To everyone:
I can see this is pointless, I was asking if people though it possible that not supporting a child emotionally with regards to the other parent could cause alienation. But most people seem to want to ignore this instead trying to accuse or find fault. Abuse comes in many forms and acting like the other parent doesn’t exist would cause any child to behave negatively towards them. It’s called “not emotionally supporting a child” and is almost impossible to prove. My ex is a highly intelligent woman that planned and knew from the start what she was going to do. She even told me this to my face but I thought the system would help me. The system is not designed for sociopathic solicitors but for people they see every day, the ones that shout, swear, write nasty messages not knowing this will be used as evidence, they are emotional and irrational. Not as cold as ice and know the law better than anyone in the court that they appear in. I won’t continue these messages as it’s pointless as I have done what I know to be my best and the right thing, it just hurts to think of any child living without basic emotional support. Just be aware whilst rare they are out there, my children were just unlucky they have the mother they do.
Thanks to the few that didn’t judge and tried to help you know who you are.
P.S. finally sorry for typos / flow / grammar. There was a lot to reply to and I am at work and doing this during breaks / lunch.