Teachers, how do you split school holidays?

[bluebellforests]

Hi,
Some context. Married 16 years, he filed for divorce, decree Nisi through, sorting finances & children now, he’s never done any of the care for the children, I’ve been the overwhelming primary caregiver, children are 6 and 12 years old, youngest has ASD, domestic abuse but Cafcass didn’t pick this up when they run their checks because there was never an arrest made despite police reports, he wants 50/50, he works very long hours, I’ve applied for a C100 mainly because the youngest struggles enough as it is at school and not in her best interest to pack her bags every few nights- it’s simply not good practice and he also can’t practically look after them in the week as he’s not home until 7:30.

I’m a teacher and I’m going to represent myself at the first hearing, end of September.

What I would like to know, is if school holidays are usually split 50/50? Is that standard? I’m a teacher and for 12 years I’ve looked after them every single day in school holidays, took them on many many day trips etc.
There are 13 school holiday weeks in the year.
He gets 5 weeks of annual leave.
If it’s standard practice for him to have them 50/50 in school holidays, why and how should he look after them the extra three weeks to equate 6.5 weeks? When I will not be working for those 13 weeks?
Will the court expect me to get a job for the few school holiday weeks he has them?
I think for him to even look after them for 5 weeks and use all his annual leave in the school holidays will be a lot because he’s never done it before - previously he has taken annual leave in term time to “relax” and go to London all by himself etc.

If you’re a teacher and your ex is not and working much, much longer hours, how do you split custody? Especially school holidays?

he can put them in holiday clubs for those weeks and the court would see that as fine.

I know that seems barmy. And there is probably no harm in bringing it up and seeing if the court will listen.

Also, I had proof of DV- police reports, doctors reports, reports from children's headteacher. And cafcass still thought he was a delightful man

Agree with Sweetsakura. Our CAFCASS officer thought violent, alcoholic drug addict ex was practically a prophet of God. Family Courts seriously do not care about violence against the mother. Mad, but there you go. Reading your post I'm hoping he either won't go for or won't cope with 50/50. Very good luck OP.

I would try and get it pointed out to him /the court that you have concerns how he will manage with the long hours.

Sorry you are going through this, it's a very broken system

I'm confused why you think you'd be expected to get a job? Tbh your job or holiday pattern isn't really relevant at all. As above it's his job to think about childcare on his time. As it happens though in the this case ex got awarded 1/3 of the holidays as it reflected better his time with the ex during term time and the fact I am the main carer throughout the year. When they are with their dad (I work term time too) I just find stuff to keep me occupied, walk the dog, catch up with housework etc. I actually go have a second job too just to make ends meet and try and pick up extra shifts where I can

Sorry you're dealing with this.

I work in a school and ex does not. I think he may take me to court soon for 50:50 year round as he doesn't want to pay maintenance any more. He works long hours, sometimes away overnight and gets his mother to act as his housekeeper/nanny etc which I find infuriating. I stayed in teaching to the point where I'm now trapped by the salary and holidays because I'd never be able to find another job that paid similar/allowed enough leave to look after kids in holidays. I fucked my promotion prospects and pension by working part time when they were little.

I have no advice because it hasn't got to court yet but morally to me it seems incomprehensible that they would take kids' time from me, their parent who's set up her whole working life solely around what's best for the children, and give it to the other parent who doesn't intend to spend that time with them, instead farming it out to others. For example, recently went over to his late on a Saturday afternoon when kids were there as daughter needed period pads and he doesn't provide them. His mother answered the door and told me he'd been in London all the previous day and night and was still there, on a theatre and sightseeing trip with his new girlfriend. So on "his" weekend, he wasn't even there with them. Yet because he has them 40:60 in term time, his family think he's a saint and a hands-on dad. Is he fuck, he's a selfish cunt. I'm desperately hoping the court sees through his attempt to save money but we will see.

Good luck with your case!

My ex regularly doesn't even have his children on "his" days - he asks me to have them- yet the court still allowed him more time with them when he asked. So what should happen and what actually happens in the family courts are very different things.

@liveforsummer
Thank you. That is really useful to read.
So, in your case you also work term time and he got 1/3 of school holidays and you got 2/3 of school holidays.
That’s really great to hear. I was under the impression that school holidays will be split 50/50, regardless if one parent works term time and the other doesn’t.

@liveforsummer What do you do in term time with the children? Is it reasonable for me to have them in the school week and we do weekends alternatively. One weekend with me and one weekend with him? And then additionally, for them to spend every Wednesday afternoon of every week with him (for consistency for the ASD child) She really does need a very clear structure and she wants to know exactly what happens when and she will tell you if things are out of order. And if too many changes in one week then it’s a disaster. Recently it was Sports day, Science dress up day and then own clothes fundraiser day, all in one week. And it was utterly disastrous for her and upsetting how difficult she found it.

What do you do in term time?

@bluebellforests
With regards the children, your job and annual leave capacity would be deemed irrelevant.

The only thing that is irrelevant is that the children are not at school for 13 weeks a year including INSET days.
And the usual starting point for children is to have 5050 of their holidays with each parent. As it is for day to day contact. However, he may well not push for 6.5 weeks due to the childcare burden this poses and not wanting to use all of his leave on them especially if he moved on relationship wise.

At 6 and 12,it wouldn't be deemed unreasonable for you both to have an every other week contact pattern and again the starting assumption if there's no safeguarding risks for the children. Any dv with a partner is pretty much always not seen as an issue to limit contact unless the children were seen as being at substantial direct risk.

As others have said, it would not be deemed unreasonable for him to use paid or unpaid help to care for the children. You may be able to reduce the week day contact by perhaps playing the work card and suggesting that he support one quality contact earlier finish say weekly on a Wednesday to spend with the children and have them overnight then rather than half. Though obviously he'd also have to be able to get them to school the next day and be paying for the wraparound care Wednesdays and Thursday morning if needed. Plus then the every other weekend. So wouldn't be 5050 more like 6535 if he had them for 3 night weekends.

I'd also be worried that he isn't trying to push for a routine where he effectively gets each weekend as you can facilitate week day contact easily... And that's something I've seen pushed, so be aware and have your ideas of how to push this back. Eg it doesn't allow for weekend quality time for you and them can never go away etc. And that evenings are not quality after school as they're preparing for the next day and running around to clubs etc.

Is the push for 5050 because that's what he feels he should be seeking so that he can say he tried and courts are biased against fathers? Could it be to get at you? Because he genuinely thinks this is best? To reduce child maintenance? (if latter, with an order, it's incredibly hard to then get the actual amount you should get if he then isn't having the children without going back to court if he disputes it).

Any dv with a partner is pretty much always not seen as an issue to limit contact unless the children were seen as being at substantial direct risk.

I realize this is the reality, but presumably you don't think it is ok @LoneParent1 ? Because it astounds me that cafcass think abusive partners aren't going to be abusive parents.

With regards the children, your job and annual leave capacity would be deemed irrelevant.

similarly, I know this is the current approach of the courts but it is equally irrational . Why have the children crammed into holiday clubs for long days if there is a parent working term time only and willing and able to have them more than 50% of the time

i think we can soften our advice about what the legal position is with a caveat that we recognise it is currently monstrously irrational rarely really considers what is best for children, instead constantly pushing for 50/50 care regardless of evidence of abuse/practical considerations

@SweetSakura
I understand your sentiment, but I think, if I'm honest, there's usually a plethora of people already telling the posters this and the posters themselves recognise that the system is flawed. Sadly, in all directions and what the posters really need is the reality of what has been happening. It's not easy reading, but better armed with that than they fairytale ideology that all with end well... If it does, great what a bonus.

I think though, that if we don't keep pointing out that we see the flaws then it's easy for people to ignore their better instincts and assume the system is working for the best.