Children's passports taken

Confusedbyactions · 2022-07-15T21:13:30+00:00

Hi everyone I'm not sure if this is the right topic for this one but myself a dw soon to be ex were having a chat about the future one evening and said she was happy for me to take the kids on holiday. I said it would be nice together but she wasn't keen which is fair enough. I got a job offer overseas and asked her to think on it as a location and how we would parent apart or perhaps they could live with me or split time in a way or even if we worked on things we could all go. I said it's an option but it may or may not work out at this stage as I need more terms agreed but it would be nice to go to that location with the kids to check it out, again maybe we could all go have a holiday or just me and the kids. We are not vaccinated so I mentioned we cannot travel there even if we wanted right now plus airport chaos, one passport has expired so no way of getting it quick not to mention cashflow, it could be something to think on in the months ahead. 2days later I was chatting over the subject with a relative who said check the kids passports, they have been taken by my dw. Any reason why she would do this and not discuss or suggest a solicitor holds them if worried on anything ?

MakkaPakkas · 15/07/2022 22:15

I'd presume she's worried you'll take the kids abroad and not bring them back? It does happen.

MakkaPakkas · 15/07/2022 22:16

Really you should ask her

Soontobe60 · 15/07/2022 22:19

Why do YOU think she may have taken the passports? You’ve told her you’ve got a job offer overseas, and suggested the children could live there with you. You’ve even suggested you all go there on holiday to check it out.
If I were your soon-to-be ex, I’d be hiding the passports too!

MolliciousIntent · 15/07/2022 22:22

She's done exactly what everyone on here would tell her to do.

Surely you realise that your behaviour would raise a huge red flag in her mind that you might take the children?

SleepSleepRaveAsleep · 15/07/2022 22:28

You really wonder why she's taken their passports? Come off it, you've got a job overseas, of course she has taken their passports and rightly so.

Sprogonthetyne · 15/07/2022 22:32

If I was getting divorced, one of the absolute last things I would want would be my ex moving my children to another country. I would do anything in my power to stop that happening, so would also have hidden the passports.

How did you think she would feel about your plan for the children to live with you in another country? Did you honestly think she would be OK about only seeing them a few times a year? Or did you think she'd pack up her entire life and emigrate to a country she has no support, no job, no entitlement to benifits, and probably no chance if getting a visa anyway.

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 22:37

Worried on anything? What do you think she might be worried about? You're in the middle of a seperation, you have children that live in this country. You're considering leaving the country for some reason at this massively sensitive time for your kids, and have suggested bizarrely, that you're ex might want to come with you and bring the children? On what planet are you living? Of course she's hidden the passports, you sound like a total headcase with very little grip on what's actually going on for the rest of the family.

Original poster

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:16

Thanks for the input. As I mentioned I told her we cannot travel as not vaccinated and cannot go any time soon. From a parenting point and already being told by her to take the kids overseas for a holiday anyway, I thought seeing a place of where is a possible option would be useful together. If my dw got an offer I would like to see it. I thought being honest and up front with her was the best way as I always share any info. Perhaps mistaken I should have remained secretive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:18

Sprogonthetyne · 15/07/2022 22:32

If I was getting divorced, one of the absolute last things I would want would be my ex moving my children to another country. I would do anything in my power to stop that happening, so would also have hidden the passports.

How did you think she would feel about your plan for the children to live with you in another country? Did you honestly think she would be OK about only seeing them a few times a year? Or did you think she'd pack up her entire life and emigrate to a country she has no support, no job, no entitlement to benifits, and probably no chance if getting a visa anyway.

You assume a visa and a couple of times a year? That's incorrect I've said I would support her continually and she's free to come and go anywhere we live with full access anytime. I don't believe in restricting and pay all bills and will continue too.

OP posts:

GreenManalishi · 16/07/2022 10:19

Remain secretive? Oh yes, that sounds much more reasonable....

Original poster

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:21

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 22:37

Worried on anything? What do you think she might be worried about? You're in the middle of a seperation, you have children that live in this country. You're considering leaving the country for some reason at this massively sensitive time for your kids, and have suggested bizarrely, that you're ex might want to come with you and bring the children? On what planet are you living? Of course she's hidden the passports, you sound like a total headcase with very little grip on what's actually going on for the rest of the family.

Perhaps a planet where people seperate and agree, don't argue over what's best for the kids. We continue to do together things as a family for the benefit of the kids while we sort ourselves out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:23

Sprogonthetyne · 15/07/2022 22:32

If I was getting divorced, one of the absolute last things I would want would be my ex moving my children to another country. I would do anything in my power to stop that happening, so would also have hidden the passports.

How did you think she would feel about your plan for the children to live with you in another country? Did you honestly think she would be OK about only seeing them a few times a year? Or did you think she'd pack up her entire life and emigrate to a country she has no support, no job, no entitlement to benifits, and probably no chance if getting a visa anyway.

I am the main carer for the children and have been. Which is also agreed.

OP posts:

GreenManalishi · 16/07/2022 10:27

I'd suggest that things are not as amicable and rosy as you think they are, the being that your soon to be ex wife has felt it necessary to hide the kids passports.

MolliciousIntent · 16/07/2022 11:11

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:23

I am the main carer for the children and have been. Which is also agreed.

Show quote history

So!? That doesn't mean you can take them to another country! That's insane.

Sprogonthetyne · 16/07/2022 15:22

Confusedbyactions · 16/07/2022 10:18

You assume a visa and a couple of times a year? That's incorrect I've said I would support her continually and she's free to come and go anywhere we live with full access anytime. I don't believe in restricting and pay all bills and will continue too.

Show quote history

You wouldn't have to be actively restricting contact, if they lived in different countries, contact would inevitably reduce. She would have work where she lives, they would have school where they live, add to that the logistics and expense of international flights and weekly visits would be impossible.

So her options are,

stop you taking them
give up seeing the kids regularly
move somewhere she knows no one and is solely reliant on you

There is no way I would accept options 2 or 3, and option 3 might not even be possible, most country have rules about who can move there, and moving to be with an ex would not qualify her for many.