Mediation Appointment

BetterFuture1985 · 15/07/2022 11:18

Serendipity72 · 14/07/2022 21:47

Hi,

Stbx has pushed for mediation so I have an appointment next week (that I have to pay for). What should I say? I'm not sure what I will be asked.

He has already attended his appointment.

Depends on the mediator but they will probably want to find out what you think is a fair settlement and then - possibly - manage your expectations if they're unrealistic (e.g. the high earner who thinks they should keep most of it or the SAHP who thinks they should get the house, the car, the kids, the dog and a nice clock or something!). Personally I wouldn't do a divorce with mediation without also having a solicitor because it's the solicitor who will tell you if you're being too generous. A mediator just wants the two of you to agree amicably and I doubt they would put ideas into your head about asking for more even if you had a good case.

Original poster

Serendipity72 · 15/07/2022 14:51

Well, it was a bit of a waste of time tbh and feel I've lost half an hour of my life and £100 of my hard earned money.
I had arranged the meeting on my own as I do not want to be in the same room as my stbxh, or the same building tbh, and they said it can't be done. They mentioned shuttle rooms but that we'd still be in the same building. I do not want that as I'd get anxious etc. and was a bit gobsmacked that they insist on you being there at the same time.
They asked values of properties, pensions etc. and explained my options if I didn't want to go through mediation. It would cost £200 per half hour - this is on top of the £25 per hour I am paying my solicitor - and I cannot afford to keep forking this money out.
So, I have said no so they are going to issue some sort of certificate and I have 4 months to bring it to court.
Fed up of it all tbh.

OP posts:

BetterFuture1985 · 15/07/2022 14:57

Serendipity72 · 15/07/2022 14:51

Well, it was a bit of a waste of time tbh and feel I've lost half an hour of my life and £100 of my hard earned money.
I had arranged the meeting on my own as I do not want to be in the same room as my stbxh, or the same building tbh, and they said it can't be done. They mentioned shuttle rooms but that we'd still be in the same building. I do not want that as I'd get anxious etc. and was a bit gobsmacked that they insist on you being there at the same time.
They asked values of properties, pensions etc. and explained my options if I didn't want to go through mediation. It would cost £200 per half hour - this is on top of the £25 per hour I am paying my solicitor - and I cannot afford to keep forking this money out.
So, I have said no so they are going to issue some sort of certificate and I have 4 months to bring it to court.
Fed up of it all tbh.

Be careful because if you reject mediation without very good reason (e.g. domestic violence that can be proven), or go to court for an amount that's along the same lines as your were offered in mediation then you might find yourself paying his costs as well as your own.

Scareystress · 15/07/2022 17:27

Having recently spoken to a few mediators, I got the impression that shuttle mediation could be done remotely, in separate virtual rooms.

GetThatHelmetOn · 15/07/2022 17:31

Mediation is not aprópiate when there are huge power differences between the parts. If he has been abusive, there is no point on it and the court will understand. If you are trying to avoid him due to strong dislike, shuttle mediation is ok.