Is it financially 'worth' me Divorcing please?

[54isanopendoor]

Emotional issues aside, I dont' know if it makes sense financially?

I have been married since 2001.
In 2004 we had our 1st child & our 2nd in 2007.
Both are disabled. I became disabled myself during my 1st preganancy.
Because diagnosis was delayed I only became a Carer offically 5 years ago but I have been an unpaid Carer since 2004. I tried to work again 3 years ago but it impacted too much on the children so I had to stop (agreed with exH). So I have been unable to work or pay into my own pension for almost all of the marriage.

ExH left us last year. I pay the mortgage (interest only) & all bills from state benefits. He pays CM. I have kids 24/7, he does no 'childcare' at all.

Our only joint asset is the house. It has an interest only mortage which is due to be repaid in 7 years. There is no vehicle to do so - it will probably have to be sold.
THere is probably about £20K equity in it, if that.

ExH earns 30K per year. His final salary pension pot is £120K, add in CARE benefits of 53.5 = 175K minus adjustment for period of marriage. CET doc gives final figure of £164,751 value of pension rights for family law act.

I am in Scotland so we can agree a Separation Agreement which is legally binding. I will get Legal Aid. We can Divorce simply & cheaply next year when my youngest is 16. At that point the pension monies would be transferred to me & Legal Aid will reclaim thier fees as I have gained assets. It would be 'about 2K'

I don't want to re-marry ever so I don't care if I am Divorced or not.
ExH says he will remain on mort & Lender is happy to put House in my sole name so I would be 'given' the house (in reality 20K equity upon sale in 7 years).
But I also face having to seek work again after a 21 year gap, aged late 50's when my youngest turns 18 as I will no longer be her Carer. I'm scared.

Do I go ahead with the Divorce or just stay married to him, whilst he lives 10 miles away & pays CM but nothing else?

Hoping someone has some thoughts, as I can't see the wood for the trees...

Id divorce. If you don’t, he keeps all his pension and you only get what he feels like giving you in retirement. You don’t live together so, this would provide a clean break.

Have you checked your state pension entitlement? Every year you had child benefit with a DC under age 12, you would have gotten full credit towards state pension as if you’d been working. The same for every year you got carers allowance. So you can see how many years credit you have already and would need to work get full state pension.

They have government funded apprenticeships for over 50s (you get a higher wage usually £9-£10/hr). This might be worth looking at if you want to take opportunity to pursue a vocation you never had a chance to do.
www.workingwise.co.uk/apprenticeships-for-over-50s/

thanks @Discovereads
I didn't realise he doesnt have to give me any pension if we are still married but live apart.

Bump

If over 18 if your DC gets PIP or Scottish equivilent you could still claim carer's allowance?

It's financially worth divorcing for the future if not for the past. You don't want to win the lottery or get an inheritance and have to share it with the ex.

That's why I refused to "stay together for the kids" when I caught my ex-wife in yet another affair. I would have been financially shafted if I'd waited until the youngest was 18. She would probably have gotten spousal maintenance and most of the assets when we were both in our 50s if I'd waited. By divorcing her now she just gets 70% of not a lot and has to get a job.

Yes I can still claim Carer's allowance for my younger child
(& this is why I cannot get a job...). I am not expecting any inheritances.

My thinking was more that I've put up with 21 years of marriage. His pension is just getting nearer the time when it is worth more (I think, I don't really understand pensions...) & so I wondered if it was worth 'holding on' financially?

Id divorce. If you don’t, he keeps all his pension and you only get what he feels like giving you in retirement. You don’t live together so, this would provide a clean break.

This seems like good advice.

If he's already checked out of the childcare, how generous do you expect him to be X years down the line when pension time comes around?
He could also be in a new relationship too.

It does sound like divorce is the best option, so you have a clean break and a clear idea of the actual amount you may receive