Please help, clueless about financial implications

[devadreams]

We aren't separated/divorced but I have told my husband I am not happy in our marriage at the moment, and I'm not sure where things might lead from here. Separating is a potential outcome but I am clueless as to how the process works in terms of finances etc and want to inform myself as to the basics. I'm not really sure I can afford to separate from him even if I want to!

We have 3 DC (all school age). We own a house together and have about £380-400k equity in it. My husband is the main earner, he earns over £200k p.a. I gave up work to be a SAHM for several years and now work in a relatively low paid job 4 days a week and earn just over £8k p.a. My job works around the kids, school holidays, school runs etc. My husband has been able to pursue his career and take on the job he does because I have been at home dealing with the kids etc.

What would happen if we were to split? I have such low earnings I can't even pay half the mortgage! What options do I have and what would I be entitled to? We've never even considered splitting up before, I didn't imagine it would happen to us, and perhaps it won't. I just want to be informed as to how it could work if this was the outcome over the next few months. Any advice is welcomed!

My advice is see a local solicitor for a free consultation. You need them to be local because they know how most divorces turn out in their area; there are regional differences because magistrates and judges have wide discretion in family law.

I'll give you an example of how the law might work with your house and why the region is important. If you were in London, having £400k in equity would mean you probably also still had a sizeable mortgage that you couldn't afford to take on even if you worked full time. You might be awarded 80% of the equity in your situation or even get a Mesher Order and be allowed to live there until the children are 18 (although Meshers are quite rare these days because judges often think they are not in the weaker financial party's long term interests). In contrast, if you lived somewhere in the North East you might only get a 50/50 split. Why the difference? Because the law is needs based, and your needs can be met more cheaply in the North East than London.

Spousal maintenance is another one with regional variance. In London, benefits on top of your £8k and child maintenance probably wouldn't be enough to live on. He might - on such a large salary - have to pay you a sizeable chunk of his income in maintenance for a while, maybe even until the children are 18 (or even longer although this is exceptionally rare these days and normally only where the marriage has been very long and the parties are in their 50s). In contrast in the North a judge might think once you've got a full time job you'll earn enough to live on without undue hardship so you don't need it. They're both applying the law in the same way again, based on needs.

Also, your claim "My husband has been able to pursue his career and take on the job he does because I have been at home dealing with the kids etc."

This is only really relevant if you want to apply the "compensation" principle. If you could prove you sacrificed your own career (e.g. in the McFarlane case, Mrs McFarlane could prove she was a trained City Lawyer before she gave up work and as a result got spousal maintenance that was worth more than her needs to avoid undue hardship). However, this is only relevant if the case is more than a needs one. Needs trump everything else. Also, compensation is rare and you would have to prove it. My ex-wife wasted time on this but as she had been an envelope stuffer (a job a machine does nowadays) before our first child was born it didn't go very far!

One other thought. You are unlikely to be allowed to turn your husband into a bedsit dwelling money robot who never sees the children so be wary of people who come on here advising you to go for everything. All you'll likely achieve is a big fat legal fee. Divorce might mean it is reasonable for him to downsize his career (within reason, I'm not saying he can become a shelf stacker at Tesco) to have more time with the children for example, although this is balanced by the presumption that both of you maximise your incomes. Also, maximising your own income will include working all the hours that you can (full time by a certain date although I don't know what that would be, though certainly by the time the youngest is in secondary school) and claiming any benefits available to you.

The best thing to do next is to get good legal advice from a local solicitor who is a member of Resolution. They'll give you a reasonable idea of what to expect.

Agree with the above

whst was your career before you gave up
whet was he earning before you gave up
how can you increase your own earnings
how old are your children
importantly what pensions are there

Look on entitled to website to see what benefits you would be entitled to.

Look on cms to see what maintenance your H would have to pay (at minimum).
Work out a budget for your expenses.

I assume you would remain primary carer.
Make a list of all assets. This includes pensions
Make a list of all sources of income

Then go and see a couple of solicitors. If you have all the basic information ie financials, future plans then you will get more out of your visit. Write it all up and give it to them.

The starting point is 50-50 split of assets but it sounds to me like you would be entitled to more like 60-70.

Just be a bit wary of predicting splits. If there is a lot of money to go around as in this case, 50/50 might be more appropriate. Or it might not and even 80/20 will be necessary because of where you live. It depends heavily on a lot of factors a local solicitor is absolutely vital in understanding.

My first thought would be to be honest about your relationship go for counselling if necessary .
then if all fails then both of you come to the agreement and work towards ending it.

Don’t go from a 200k income to 8k and benefits would be my advice. Yes you would get child maintenance which for three kids on his income could well be in the region of £13-1500pm.

however, council tax, energy bills, food etc will suck that up fast!

get counselling, and retrain in your own financially rewarding career

also out of the equity you might get awarded more but can it really buy you a property in the same area where you are now?