Does it get any easier?

[MoederBok123]

My son's father left us 6 years ago when DS was 1. I filed for a straightforward divorce 4 years later. Didn't want anything from him other than divorce papers signed. In hindsight I wonder if I should have gone to court and had an official parenting agreement drawn up. He was just so emotionally and occasionally physically abusive that I honestly just wanted to get shot of him. He never really visited our DS anyway so I never considered that this many years down the line he would still be causing me such upset.
He hardly ever sees our DS so most of the time he's quiet, however if I need some form or something signed or we aren't available when he decides to do a last minute visit he raises hell. Currently, it is caused by his reluctance to sign permission for my son and I to go on holiday. He's been on several overseas holidays since we separated but now that my son and I want to go, he wont sign to confirm consent despite having said he's happy for us to go.
I've printed and given several copies of the form. I've supplied return pre-stamped envelopes. I even tried to get him to sign it face to face. There is always an excuse. He loses them. He damages them. Claims I never gave them to him. With the face to face one, he first was in a rush to catch a boat and then when returning my son he was in a rush to get to his stepdaughter so took them home to never sign them. Urgh so frustrating!!!! If roles were reversed and he needed something from me, he wouldn't give me half a chance to not obey his demands.

Sorry, ranting... My question is, does it ever get easier? I'm not exactly rolling in money like his family so I know he could sap me dry if it goes to court but I'm wondering if I need to go down the legal route to have everything clearly outlined? But if I do, will his tantrums and random pettiness stop or will I just be paying for lawyers to draw up documents that wont make him any easier to deal with? He basically goes quiet for months and then randomly raises hell for what appears to be his own amusement or to show me that he can still pull my strings because we share a son. Surely my son and I deserve to have peace and enjoy the odd holiday? I mean, first time I've asked him to sign a consent form in 6 years. Its been almost 2 months of battling for it to be signed.

Any advice, insight or personal experiences would be so appreciated. One very frustrated and emotional Mamma today 😭I don't want to rant about him really because I'm too easily angered about it right now, but I really do want to find a way forward that doesn't leave me feeling like this. So trapped and disrespected. I just keep seeing 11 more years of his emotional rollercoaster and it honestly scares me. I don't like that he can make me feel so unsettled with 1 simple text.

Wow @MoederBok123 reading this is like looking into a mirror of my life! I'm sorry you are struggling with this too. I'd like to say it gets easier but truthfully, I don't think it does. My ex and I are on ambivalent terms. We care little for eachother but he's my son's dad so he's around every couple of mo ths for a day or 2. I've actually been waiting for him to sign travel consent too but he's taking his time. I think they just don't really care because they don't understand. They don't need our consent to travel so don't put any thought into us deserving holidays too and how frustrating it is to chase them up for these things.
My ex has a nice fiance now so he's been a lot better since she came along and I'm greatful to her for whatever she is doing. Fingers crossed he sends the forms soon and yours does too. I'll be watching your thread because I also contemplate a legally binding agreement when my ex gets difficult. I personally think it will make life easier, but fear he will see it as some sort of attack. Good luck

Go back to court for a lives with order ?

What have you had to do to try get him to sign? Did he agree to you going on holiday verbally or by text? It is so frustrating. I kind of expected to have to nag less if he's gone but now its even tougher because at least before they'd eventually give in to get something 😂
I wonder if anyone ever has a less stressful time with their exes without court orders? Hope you get your forms @Perfectimperfection Has he signed them for other holidays?

I'm seriously considering it. But he threatens to take me to court all the time because his family have money so he knows it scares me. I'm not worried about the outcome but I am worried about the stress it will put on our child and the fact that it will take my every last penny. I only have a little bit saved and that's basically going on our holiday next month so I wont have anything for court but do want resolution.

That line made me laugh out loud! Sex is such a powerful tool 😂🤣😂 we don't even have to use it, they actively give in on their own in need of 8t. It's great! Although, by the end my exhusband and I were not intimate at all so that stopped way before we seperate. I gave up nagging and he just carried on. I became ambivalent while still married to be honest.

In answer to your question, I basically did everything you did. The day he was going to sign face to face he was all flustered by his day not going to plan and was just so grumpy about the passport document I got him to sign that I basically gave up with the other one. I sent him home with it but never expected to still be waiting weeks later. Sent him 2 more copies via the post and like you included a stamped return envelope.
This morning I got a bit snarky via text and am a bit ashamed I let him get to me. He now insists he's already posted it so it will either arrive in 2 days because he quickly put it in the post after my text, or it just won't come and I'll be stuck waiting.

No he's never signed one before. I did ask him to when my son and I went to France in 2019, for a wedding, but he never did and I just took the risk. Fortunately no one at customs asked to see it and if they had stopped us from travelling it would only have meant losing the flights so wasn't too bad. The rest was refundable. This time we are doing all inclusive so I'm not willing to risk it. I'm sure he wouldn't be willing to risk loosing thousands of pounds because of me so it should go both ways.

That's interesting. So they don't always ask for the consent to be shown when travelling alone with a child?

It maybe worth speaking to someone at the airport to check, but I've never been asked for a letter of consent to travel for my kids. Never even crossed my mind.

He knows he has some power here, so is doing it purely to control you.

I was told about it when I travelled without my then husband and our little one was still a baby. I've not left the country since then but everything I've read online, including the government website still says you need to have their consent if you were married at child's birth or they are named on the birth certificate. Also, you are limited to 28 days travel without additional consent. Basically, if you don't have the documents, the father can turn around and report you for trying to flea and you can face some pretty bad consequences. I wouldn't put it past my ex to cause that kind of trouble for me if he randomly decided to wake up spiteful that day.

Without hearing from people who have travelled alone with kids or faced an ex like mine, it all seems so scary. How many times have you travelled alone @Cloverforever ? Is it all Europe based or other countries too? @Perfectimperfection said they didn't ask when she went to France so I'm wondering if some countries are less strict?

Spain and Greece @MoederBok123 and my kids were both teens, so able to speak for themselves. My ex also wouldn't have objected to me taking them, so I understand the situation is different.

He sounds like a real dick to do that to his kids!

From what I understand, you can be done for induction if unconsented for over 28 days. Consent for under 28 days is a grey area and comes down to the father causing trouble or airport checks choosing to see consent. Therfore, it is highly recommended that you always travel with written consent.
I think, in my case my ex uses them not always checking as an excuse to not sign. In my opinion, mothers shouldn't have to risk loosing their and their children's holidays because of fathers being difficult. We shouldn't need consent if we have shown we are returning. It's not like they don't know where we are 🤦🏼‍♀️

But back to your original question. I think for most it doesn't get easier. I think it comes down to either accepting that and learning how to cope or going legal. But from my understanding, the legal doesn't actually change all that much. It does however mean they can't threaten you and withold things like travel consent. But I've not gone legal so I'm interested to hear from those who have too.

*abduction.... Not induction 🤦🏼‍♀️

Verbally he has no objections but in writing he is different. He knows how to make me feel victimised and doesn't see that he is preventing his child from having fun experiences. I try so hard to not let my son see how his father effects me because I'd rather he see his fathers colours for himself one day, but admittedly I not perfect. I let slip in frustration sometimes. Not to him directly but around him.
It sounds like your ex is kinder. If I may ask, how long have you been separated and has it always been amicable?