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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex moving 1 minute away

20 replies

NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 07:33

I don't really know if I'm asking for advice or just venting my frustration. Currently going through a divorce, soon to be ex husband has always been very controlling and wants to know what the children and I are doing all the time, who we are seeing etc. I've just found out he is moving 1 minute away from my current house. I can't bear the thought of seeing him all the time, him wanting the children everyday because he is now so near, walking past to see if we are in or not... I just can't see any end to his control over us all, I just feel so defeated.

OP posts:
clpsmum · 05/07/2022 07:37

Omg I get for you. This is suffocating. Is there anyway you can block his move? Is moving for you an option? Is he buying or renting?

clpsmum · 05/07/2022 07:37

Meant to say I feel for you

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/07/2022 07:40

How old are the children.

I would put some kind of voile in my front windows.. set up contact so ut is structured..

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 05/07/2022 07:45

You can film for windows so you can see out but others can’t see in.

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 08:15

clpsmum · 05/07/2022 07:37

Omg I get for you. This is suffocating. Is there anyway you can block his move? Is moving for you an option? Is he buying or renting?

The problem is that we still jointly own the house the children and I live in (currently trying to agree financial split). and as he told the children last week, "he owns this house and will come round whenever he feels like it, He doesn't need permission" so now he is renting down the road to make it even easier for him to come round whenever he wants

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 08:17

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/07/2022 07:40

How old are the children.

I would put some kind of voile in my front windows.. set up contact so ut is structured..

Setting up structured contact is my next aim, all it does is confuse the children with him just turning up when he wants

OP posts:
clpsmum · 05/07/2022 09:08

@NeedSleepNow omg I actually can't breathe on your behalf. He sounds exactly like my ex. Hope you manage to get everything sorted pretty quickly. How long has he been away from house? My ex used to behave like that and think he could turn up whenever he wanted to, which by law he can, unless he is causing fear and alarm in that case phone the police. The police told my ex after he had been away from the house for two years that he had lost his acceptance rights and couldn't just turn up whenever he felt like it. My solicitor said that's not entirely true but he believed it and it worked

Happierwithouthim · 05/07/2022 09:11

I really feel for you as I spent 6 months sharing family home after separation & another 18 months of him living next door until family home sold and it was like living under a microscope.

Would selling the family home and moving somewhere else be an option? Unfortunately he's right about owning it and being able to come whenever he wants.

Sicario · 05/07/2022 09:18

Do you have a chain on the door that you can put on when you're in the house? Then at least he can't just barge in while you are there.

LittleOwl153 · 05/07/2022 09:18

Getting the financial split sorted would be my absolute priority and then selling up and moving to somewhere he can't follow. annoyingly he is right about the house ownership - however you are free to go about your business and it could be recorded as harassment if he doesn't leave you to it. Keep track of how much he increases his time in your space.

Mellowyellow222 · 05/07/2022 09:56

Change there locks. Speak to your solicitor so you are armed with your rights when he complains

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 20:35

Mellowyellow222 · 05/07/2022 09:56

Change there locks. Speak to your solicitor so you are armed with your rights when he complains

I would love to change the locks but my solicitor said I legally can't unless I give him a copy of the new key.

OP posts:
Pallisers · 05/07/2022 20:41

That sucks. I think you are going to have to reframe this in your head. On the plus side, he won't be living in your home fulltime. On the minus side, he still has a right of access to your home and intends to use it. On the plus side, you have initiated a divorce and as soon as it is final, you can change the locks/move house/refuse to tolerate him knowing your movements. It isn't going to be forever just until the divorce.

IronChef · 05/07/2022 20:48

Oh god that's horrendous. I feel for you. My ex was planning on moving in literally round the corner from me and the kids. Nightmare. I knew if I reacted badly that would be just what he wanted. I could imagine him going on about me blocking him from being close to his kids etc etc as he likes to pretend he's an awesome father (even though in reality he barely bothers with them). So I just said nothing apart from a few neutral 'hmms' and in the end it didn't happen thank god. Any chance he's saying it just to get attention and a rise from you?

Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 21:08

Pallisers · 05/07/2022 20:41

That sucks. I think you are going to have to reframe this in your head. On the plus side, he won't be living in your home fulltime. On the minus side, he still has a right of access to your home and intends to use it. On the plus side, you have initiated a divorce and as soon as it is final, you can change the locks/move house/refuse to tolerate him knowing your movements. It isn't going to be forever just until the divorce.

Thanks, I definitely need to try to think that this isn't forever but I wouldn't put it past him to move again when I next do. It feels as though there is no escape!

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedSleepNow · 05/07/2022 21:10

IronChef · 05/07/2022 20:48

Oh god that's horrendous. I feel for you. My ex was planning on moving in literally round the corner from me and the kids. Nightmare. I knew if I reacted badly that would be just what he wanted. I could imagine him going on about me blocking him from being close to his kids etc etc as he likes to pretend he's an awesome father (even though in reality he barely bothers with them). So I just said nothing apart from a few neutral 'hmms' and in the end it didn't happen thank god. Any chance he's saying it just to get attention and a rise from you?

I am staying neutral and haven't said anything negative about it to him He hates being told what to do and if I said don't move so close he would try to find something even nearer just because I dared to say something!

OP posts:
Pallisers · 05/07/2022 21:21

I'd be tempted, every time he popped in to say "oh there you are, brilliant. I can run out now" and get the hell out of the house. If he feels it suits you to have him come over, he'll stop doing it.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 11/07/2022 23:17

Pallisers · 05/07/2022 21:21

I'd be tempted, every time he popped in to say "oh there you are, brilliant. I can run out now" and get the hell out of the house. If he feels it suits you to have him come over, he'll stop doing it.

This is genius!

notacooldad · 11/07/2022 23:25

I'd be tempted, every time he popped in to say "oh there you are, brilliant. I can run out now" and get the hell out of the house. If he feels it suits you to have him come over, he'll stop doing it

"Hey kids, guess what, dad has come to look after you for a bit, give us a kiss see you soon....."
"I'm glad you still want to see the kids a lot!!" (smile......then go, even if its only to McDonald's, it doesn't matter)

RandomMess · 11/07/2022 23:35

Apply for an occupation order?

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