Divorcing but never lived together - could he take half my house?!!

[Allicando]

I have put this in legal too but though I would also add it here.

Hi I am looking for some advice on a non typical divorce. I have been married to stbxh for just over 2 years and together for 5 years, we have never lived together in that time. We chose to not live together (second marriage) until my teens have left home. We both own (mortgaged) our own homes neither of us have ever lived in the others house, land registry for both is in own respective names as is council tax is separate and our mortgages.

I have around 200k equity in mine and he has around 50-70k equity in his (unsure of his exact mortgage amount) I have an NHS final salary pension and he has several pensions but one larger one standing at around 100k lump sum at the minute, I am 45 and him 55.

Things havent been good for some time and I found him on a dating website several weeks ago and despite trying again it is clear we just arent good together and so it is over. He rang me last night and things got very heated (well he basically got heated and did a lot of shouting and hung up on me), then text me telling me he wanted a divorce. When I replied ok he replied "BIG MISTAKE".

My concerns lie around the disparity in our equity in each others property and that he could be legally entitled to half of my equity. As it is not a typical living situation I cannot find much info relating to our set up and how things would be divided. I am praying that he wouldnt really go for half but really need to get some proper advice.

So lovely Mumsnetters would anybody be able to shed any light?

Yes. Legally, as you are married, everything you (both) own is joint property. Generally speaking the starting point for that would be 50/50 split.

BUT because it's been a short marriage, and you never combined finances, you may find that a solicitor would be able to get you out with what you came in with. That's if he did try to go after you for half. Hopefully he doesn't.

It's such a short marriage (I think defined as 5 years or less) that it would be very easy to separate finances to basically back to what you both started with.

Make sure you get a clean break order so he can't come back for more afterwards.

@MolliciousIntent Thank you for your reply and that is what I thought. I am praying to god he calms down and sees that incurring legal fees and flighting me would be foolish. His pension is worth more than mine and I hope that alone will be enough to put him off. What a sad situation to be in 😔

It’s obviously too late now but why did you get married if you didn’t want to join finances and for him to be entitled to your assets? That’s literally what marriage is?

A (male) relative of mine had a short lived marriage with no kids. After they broke up, he had a significant but not particularly life changing inheritance which the XW threatened to go after. He said OK but I'll go for your pension (she is a senior civil servant). She backed off.

The pension is your trump card. He's nearer retirement than you and with less equity in his house will need every pound of it.

I honestly wouldn't worry.

We had always planned on moving in together next year and buying a house but delayed it until my teens had gone to Uni which felt like the best thing for everyone. That was until I found his profile on a dating website.

@HollyBollyBooBoo Thank you I will look into it.

@THisbackwithavengeance Thanks for that I hope you are right. It is a really good pension and he can actually cash it in now if he wanted. All I want is to be able to keep my own property and him keep his. He loves his house and is very settled, I just cannot see him paying money to fight me (neither of us have the means to pay endless Solicitors fees). It is a sad situation to be in and I really though my future was with him. I am gutted with how things have turned out.

After a short marriage, no dependent children and 2 independent working adults, a court would most likely look to simply put you back to the position at the start of your marriage

Would it be possible to get the marriage annulled since you have never lived together.

I do think you need legal advice.

I’m not sure why you think his pensions are definitely worth more than yours, have you seen a CETV? An NHS final salary pension is very valuable and will be likely worth a lot more than £100k.

I went through a divorce last year and the judge dismissed exh attempt at saying it was a short marriage (5 years), he said short
marriages are around 3 years or under. I may be wrong but this could be a 50/50 split, but there isn’t any children so they could have a different view. Be wary of solicitors though because all they’ll do is promise you everything to make you sign a contract.

That may well be true I am a senior nurse and contribute 12.5% to my pension and have held my pension for 24 years. I am not sure though if he will be entitled to the whole pot or just what was contributed during the time of our marriage. My pension cannot be claimed until I am 60 at the earliest. His is a lump sum that could be cashed now he is 55 which he was looking into. I need to see a Solicitor don't I?! 😫