Still locked out of family home

[winniemum]

Posting again, going through the divorce process and nothing much has moved on a year later. We’re waiting for pension valuations atm.
My H is an angry narc so I left the family home and am renting.
He locked me and my adult children out of the house straight away. He gives the DC the keys to the new locks if he needs a favour (dog looking after) but they have to return them straight away. I don’t ask them to give me the keys to get them cut as I don’t want them to get into trouble or to chose who is right between the 2 of us.
After 30 years of marriage and me paying half the mortgage I’m still feeling very annoyed about this.
I have a 6 week holiday coming up and would like to start going through all my stuff which is still at the family home in preparation for moving out permanently (we will be selling the home when he’s ready 🙄).
I don’t want him to be at home when I do this as he’s very confrontational and always ends up shouting at me and I hate the shouting.
I also don’t have a garden in my rental and would also like to go and sit in my old garden if he goes away/ is at work.
I’ve spent thousands on a solicitor so far, she’s written to him several times to tell him to give me a key but he just ignores her letters. She says I’m entitled to get a locksmith to let me in but that will cost me £100s as he’ll just keep changing the locks every time I pay someone to open up the house.
Do you think it’s worth me spending even more money trying to fight this? Is it even worth telling my solicitor again?
I can’t let go of the unfairness, especially because of the fact my DC can’t just pop in to see our lovely dog and it’s my home, I’ve paid for half of it!

Can you not force the sale of the house?

Presumably you have had market rental valuation done for the house? You should be charging him rent on your 50% of the property

We’ve not settled the finances yet. We’ve only got to the Decree Nisi stage, so not sure I can force a same can I?
No I’ve not had a rental valuation done. I didn’t know I could be charging him rent?

I’m not sure exactly how you shou,d go about it,, but I definitely think you need to find a way to get into the house, get your things, get support to get the sale moving more quickly.
Re: the children, I think you no longer need to keep quiet about his unfairness. Don’t worry about putting them in a position to be disloyal to him. They are old enough to understand that he is in the wrong. Could you have a frank chat with your children and get their support to get in to the house? Would a change of solicitor help?

I have a brilliant solicitor so don’t want to change her. My H is so arrogant and stubborn he thinks he can ignore her letters and do as he pleases. I think my DC would feel disloyal towards him despite always having disliked his behaviour. I’m not sure I want them involved in this either.
Is it usual to try and get the house sold before the financials are all sorted? If so that does sound like an option.

Tbh, you only have a few options....
Carry on as you are..
Get a locksmith and get people on board to get your things out on the same day...
Or change the locks and lock him out and start to live there again....
Push to get the house sold ASAP...

Awful situation.

This and the fact you say nothing has moved on after a year sounds like this is how it will continue for the foreseeable future. If your solicitor is as good as you say (and not just charging you an extortionate amount probably paid monthly where nothing actually happens) if anything like my situation the only way to proceed is (an attempt at) mediation followed by court to sort the financials.

You could sell the house first (unlikely while he’s sitting pretty there with you paying half the mortgage) but then the proceeds might be retained until the financials are sorted - and where one half likes to try to maintain control by procrastinating/ignoring solicitor letters/pleading ignorance about pensions etc and hoping the other half will cave, the only way to sort this is to take back control.

I know from what I read on here that divorce proceedings have moved a pace fro when I found myself in your situation, but with a baby rather than adult children.

This is what I did 40 years ago....

My ex2be wouldn't let me in to get any of my stuff - mortgaged house, both on the deeds. So, I got me a van with some friends, waited at a friends house just a few doors away and watched him drive off to work for the day. Tried my keys in the door but he had changed the locks. So I broke in through a poorly locked window, collected all my gear and off I went. On returning home he saw what had happened and called the police, but on learning I was part owner, they didn't want to know.

I was lucky enough to be offered a council house, but need the money from my share of our joint house sale to furnish it properly. However, even though we were having plenty of viewers, no one put an offer in. On asking the estate agent, it seemed he was telling lies about the house, that it was in a poor state, with terrible neighbours, etc (they were lovely by the way) , to put buyers off.

One of my friends was a builder and he offered to pose as a buyer for my half of the house. I couldn't refuse as things were desperate, and so he went round it with the ex saying he'd be taking out this and that wall, and doing other xyz things to it before moving in himself and his family.Apparently, the look on my ex's face was priceless. Before making an offer my friend said needed to get some plans drawn up for the bank etc, etc and would be back within a few days. Said friend was a really convincing talker, and before I knew it the house sold in full to practically the next set of people that came along, and I got my money, to buy things like y'know, proper beds to sleep on, and chairs to sit on.

Me and my baby were living without even the most basic of comfort (we slept on a mattress on the floor, and sat on the floor when not sleeping, and that ex of mine didn't care a jot, He had his chesterfield sofa and king size bed - he was 'alright jack'! So I had no qualms doing what I had to do.

Would I do it again today? Yes, without a doubt - but not climb through a window as I'm now a tad too old for such shenanigans. So to you OP. Get angry, hire that van, get that locksmith, gather your friends around you, reclaim your life and break free of him.

As a PP said, take back control.

That sounds awful Jasper. I will definitely get someone to get me into the house when the time comes. No climbing through windows for me!
I do need to take back control, although I’ve not got room in my tiny rental to store my stuff atm.
I’m just cross he continues to lock us all out, especially because we can’t see the dog when we want.
I may also push to get the house sold. Thank you