Any recommendations for co-parenting apps to track what we each spend on the children?

[Woodswoman]

I’ve had ten years of paying for everything for three kids. After repeatedly asking, he has now asked for a breakdown of what I spend.

I thought maybe an app or a shared spreadsheet so I can update it with what I spend, and then take off the odd £50 a year he gives towards them, might be a good illustration of how little he is contributing. Any recommendations gratefully accepted for a user-friendly app, especially if I can share it with his new partner too, as she is far more engaged and willing to see that he should pay something than he is.

A free one though, just looked at Our Family Wizard and it’s £12/month 😱

www.splitwise.com/

we used this for a hen trip but could use it for what your needing also. Sets out what each person owes, can add images etc

Is he paying CMS?

If not, put in your claim RIGHT NOW.

It's not for you to itemise what you spend on the kids, so much of it you'll not be able to quantify eg share of gas, electric, broadband, ice creams, petrol to get them to clubs.

If he's not paying anything (and let's face it, the odd £50 here and there goes nowhere close) don't give him the satisfaction, the control and the knowledge that his attitude is forcing you into listing every expense. He knows how much kids cost. Forcing you to a point where you're looking for an app to do this screams continued abuse, years after you split up. Don't give him this power. CMS. Right now.

Don't disagree with the above, do disagree with the regular pop pyschology diagnosis that most men here that most men in the UK are apparently wildly out of control abusive narcissists.

However, if he's flat broke and paying what he can - blokes aren't a cash source to be tapped dry to their detriment/risk.

If he's already paying CMS (even if bugger all) and giving extras, then he could quite reasonably say no more on that front. CM covers everything legally, so he's covered if you push back. Doesn't matter on the strength of feeling that kids are expensive.

Depending on circumstances of OP there's probably a better way to say no than sinking 120/year on a app. Op, you don't really have to do anything to meet that?

Good luck

@Flerp there is nothing in the op to suggest that the ex is unemployed, but that he only pays £50 a year.

If he's claiming benefits it's £7 a week contribution, and if he's not claiming (but out of work) then he's obviously on a cushy number somewhere and should be making a contribution.

Asking op to document every single penny spent on the dc is a very very clear indicator of the ex still thinking he needs to have some sort of control over op (financial abuse issues during the relationship maybe?). She doesn't need to do this. She needs to put in a cms claim to get the legal minimum (don't get me started on that) maintenance for the supposed shared cost of bringing up kids, not begging for less than a quid a week or having to prove what she spends

The cms award came in at the princely sun of 16.50/week. He’s self-employed and claims to earn only £200/week - he’s a tradesman and earns more than that per day.
You’re right, I know. But if I want him to pay anything, I do have to negotiate, as if I leave it to the CMS it doesn’t even cover one of three kids lunches let alone a pair of shoes.

Unfortunately. There is little you can do. If £16 a month doesn’t cover it I doubt a spread sheet of expenditure would. He would criticise the choice of shoes, clothes, gas provider etc etc. maybe each item bought, keep the receipt and attach it to emails asking for half. If he won’t cough up the only option is to take the £16 a month sadly.

He doesn’t give a damn about how much you pay, he’s just purposely being awkward and stalling you. He earns more that what he declares so is fiddling the tax knowing full well you CMS can’t get him. I wouldn’t tell him a thing, as has been said already, he will only tell you that it’s your fault and suggest where you budget. You’ve done it for 10 years, he won’t change now. However, when the kids are older, they’ll know that their mum worked her ass off caring for the kids while dad fiddled the tax man and preferred his kids to go with less what they should have done!